The Bikers Sin. The Sinful Riders Book One

Gin finally breaks down

Gin was sitting at the bar in the clubhouse.

She hadn't left since she had been attacked in her own apartment last week. She knew that she should. She should face her demons, especially as those two particular demons are currently in the basement beneath her feet, but she just couldn't.

Her nightmares were getting worse.

And at this point she was afraid to go to sleep. It wasn't just her almost rape that she was dreaming about any more.

It was also Griff.

Being here in the clubhouse again has brought all of the memories back. In her dreams she would see herself being so deliriously happy with him only for him to start fucking Mags in front of her, and continuing to talk to her as if he wasn't ripping her heart out. And she couldn't say anything. She tried but the words wouldn't come out. She would then try to turn away, but again she couldn't. It was hell. She didn't want to see it over and over again like this.

She knew that it was a dream, he may be a bastard but he would never have done that to her. Still it hurt. Dream or not watching the man you had come to care for, if not love, fucking someone else was almost too much to handle.

But the reality was he had still chosen to hurt her, he had chosen to fuck Mags and not her. She didn't need to hear his explanation about why he had done what he did. The fact was, that he had done it knowing how much it would hurt her if she had ever found out.

He had chosen to be with Mags instead of being with her fully.

He may claim that he wanted more with her then he thought that he would have after he had gotten to know her, but he also admitted that he would leave her and go to Mags. How was he going to explain that away?

He couldn't, to put it simply.

And she didn't have to hear him out as so many people had suggested recently.

She had heard enough.

However, she had decided to move forward. She may never fully be able to forgive him for the way that he had treated her, and she had no plans to pick up their relationship either, but she was tired of trying to avoid him all the time.

She would never forget, and she planned to make him work for more of her forgiveness, but she wasn't going to pretend that she didn't miss him. He had been good to her when they were together, cheating aside of course. He had treated her like any good friend would.

Especially after he had literally dropped everything when she had needed him last week.

She had since found out that he had walked out of a therapy session to rush to her aid. And that meant a lot to her. But not enough to brush everything under the carpet. She was a person with feelings and she had not deserved to be treated like that.

As she was thinking about everything, she desperately tried not to fall asleep. Her eyes feeling so heavy she was afraid that she would fall off of the bar stool she was sitting on.

She couldn't keep doing this, but she just didn't want to have another nightmare. It was slowly driving her mad.

She was so focused on not falling asleep that she didn't realize someone had sat next to her.

"You're gonna burn out, Ginny Girl."

Her head snapped up to see Reaper sitting next to her. "Hey, Reap, how have you been?" She noticed that he looked a bit sad, it was difficult to tell given his glasses, but she could feel the pain he was in as if it was a physical presence.

"Stuck in a never ending replay of past pain." She was about to ask what he meant by that when he ordered a whole bottle of whiskey. "You should try and get some sleep, you look dead on your feet."

She sighed, "I can't, every time I close my eyes I'm plagued but nightmares."

He nodded, "Yeah I get that. Still, you cant avoid it forever. And drinking yourself into oblivion wont help any. Just makes it harder."

"What do I do Reap?" she whispered, sounding broken even to her own ears. She was terrified of falling asleep at this point.

"Not sure, sweetheart. All I know is you cant go on trying to avoid sleep." He poured himself a drink, before continuing. "When I lost my girl, all I did was drink at first. So I'm not gonna tell you what you should do. I'm betting plenty of people have done that lately, myself included now that I think about it. All I'm gonna say is, keeping it to yourself, well, that will make it worse. It will fester and poison your mind. I'm gonna hedge a bet and say you feel like your going mad right about now, huh?" She nodded. "I was the same. Then one day Rita came bursting into my room and told me to get the fuck up, I wasn't gonna get my girl justice like I was. Gave me a purpose. A reason to get up in the morning. Now, I don't have that, but I have people I can talk to when I need it. You're young, Ginny Girl, not meant to suffer. And lately all you have been doing is suffering. Don't try and tell me you haven't. You may have been letting loose but your mind will always work against you if you keep things in."

She didn't know what it was about the old man's words, but something about them made her burst into tears. All the pain and fear she had held in over the last few months just came pouring out and she couldn't stop it. Her sobs were bound to draw attention but she really couldn't do anything about that. This had been a long time coming.

She was pulled into a pair of arms that were stiff at first, as if they had no idea how to hold someone. The strong smell of whisky, motor oil, leather and a cologne she couldn't put her finger on enveloped her, making her feel comfortable, safe, protected and most of all cared for. And she somehow knew she was in Reapers arms.

"Its alright, Ginny Girl. Let it out." She felt him pull away for a second. "Ri? Clear the place out will ya?"

She was so grateful for Reaper in that moment, not only was he letting her cry her eyes out in his arms but he was also making sure that her breakdown wasn't seen by many. "There now, all alone, let it out Ginny Girl. Let it out."

She didn't know how long he held her for, but at some point he had taken her over to one of the couches and sat with her there. And soon she had fallen asleep.

And for the first time in too long she didn't have a nightmare.

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sorry it's not very long, I've been a bit stressed out lately.

school holidays and a three year old that thinks a toilet is a great place to put things or just play with, cause a lot of issues.

Add that to having second thoughts about what to write next and the upload took longer then I anticipated. 

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also this story is mostly unedited. 

I have had some comments about grammar and such, so just wanna let you all know, I'm not the best with words, tend to put the wrong one down at times, so I apologize for that. I don't mean to do it, but sometimes my mind will freeze and I just cant figure out how a word is spelt, (and I am embarrassed to admit that I have only just now realized that I can ask my phone how to spell something) as a result of this I tend to change words if I cant figure it out.

hope this makes sense. and I understand it may be frustrating for you as a reader, so I just wanted to say sorry for that.