The Bikers Sin. The Sinful Riders Book One

I'll be there

Gin had woken several times during the night.

She had managed to get some sleep due to her absolute exhaustion, but her nightmares had increased. She was not only having the nightmares about the attack last week and the dream about Griff fucking Mags, but now she had Reaper's death replaying in her dreams.

She knew that she was to blame for what had happened.

If she hadn't of gone to Mags then he would still be alive. No amount of reassurance would change the facts. She was to blame and she was the one who should have died.

That gun had been aimed at her head. She was the intended target, not Reaper. But he had stepped in front of the bullet aimed at her head at the last minute and lost his life.

She had in effect killed the man, he had gone there to save her and had paid with his life.

Even though he had said that he was ready to die, doesn't mean that it was his time. He could have lived a lot longer if it wasn't for her.

It was nearing sunrise, and she watched as the sky changed colors. Growing brighter as time wore on. Griff liked having the curtains open most of the time, so it was easy for her to see the dark clouds as they rolled in. It seemed fitting, those clouds, given everything that has happen yesterday.

Griff was still asleep, after her last nightmare she hadn't gone back to sleep like he had thought she did.

He was being the perfect gentleman, and if he hadn't of fucked up their relationship by cheating on her throughout, then she might have even said he was the perfect boyfriend.

But he had, and that had tainted her view of him.

She knew that she still had feelings for him, she doubted they would ever truly fade away, but how was she supposed to trust him again.

Sure he was showing that he has changed somewhat over the last month, but how much can a person ever truly change?

He can never change what he had done. Nor could he ever take it all back. So could he ever make her believe that he was a man that she could trust with her heart.

She didn't know the answer to that.

All she knew was that she wasn't in the right mind to be alone. Her thoughts were dark and twisted. And she was thinking about dangerous things.

She knew that she would need help, but she couldn't seem to find the will to care.

She didn't want to have these dark thoughts, but they just kept slipping to the forefront of her mind ever since she had been attacked. Only now they were more frequent.

Griff stirred beside her.

"You okay?" he asked, as he stretched next to her.

"Yeah." Even to her, her voice sounded small and broken.

He was silent for a moment before he got up. "Come on, we need to get up."

She didn't want to, but knew he wouldn't let up if she refused, like with the shower.

"Gin," she looked up at him, as she made to get out of the bed. "You need to talk, I want you to know that I'm here for you. Even if you don't, and you just want someone to be there with you, I'll be there. I know that I have fucked up where your trust is concerned, but I wont let you go through this alone." And with that he turned towards his small bathroom.

She sat there, and felt the tears falling down her cheeks.

She really wanted to have had him all to herself, she knew that he would have been an amazing partner. But now? How could she allow herself to want to let him back in?

Let alone help her conquer her dark thoughts.

Griff stood in the shower, letting the water just run down his body.

He had never felt as helpless as he did in that moment. He could see that Gin was falling apart and he couldn't do anything about it. He didn't deserve her, he knew that. He also knew that if he could only have her as a friend, he would do so gladly, and with a smile on his face.

He wanted to find a way to help her, but had no idea where to start.

The door opened and he watched as she stepped into the room.

"Griff?" she said, her voice sounding so lost and broken he felt like breaking down himself. "I'm scared."

He stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. "Why?" he asked her gently, knowing that she needed to be handled with care.

"I don't think I should be alive right now." He was about to tell her that she had every right to be alive, when she continued. "I keep thinking that I should die. I shouldn't get to live when Reaper died in my place. That I shouldn't be a burden to everyone. That my life isn't worth living. I mean every man I have loved has cheated on me. People keep turning their backs on me. I have no one, so why should I keep living?"

She was wailing at this point. And he did the only thing that he could.

He pulled her into his arms and held her tight.

"Gin, you deserve to be alive. We wouldn't have come to save you if you didn't deserve your life. Reaper made choice to save you, to step in front of that bullet and save you. He couldn't save his girl, but he could save you."

He knew that his words alone weren't enough to convince her, but he knew that he had to try, at least. "Babe, I want you to think about what I'm gonna suggest, okay? You don't have to if you don't want to, but I want you to at least think about it." He waited for her to nod before continuing. "I want you to talk with a therapist. I think after everything you have been through lately, you need someone who doesn't know us all to give you their opinion. Someone objective, you know? I can see if I can get you an appointment with the woman I see if you'd like. Don't answer now okay? Think on it." He lead her back into his bedroom. "For now, I want you to come with me to decide the fate of everyone who hurt you."

He sat her down on the bed, then got dressed, took her hand and lead her down into the clubhouse.

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sorry its not very long I've been very tired lately