Especially you

I'm staying here with you.

Chapter 6. "I'm staying here with you"

RED POV

Well, what really happened was Anastasia. Something about her made me, I don't even know. She itched a nerve, by just existing. I couldn't stand her.

Maybe the whole acting out in class was a little overdramatic, even for me. Just the way she walked in, like she owned the place, didn't sit right with me. I wasn't scared to get into a conflict.

The truth behind it was pretty simple, I'm an only child. And what's mine, is mine. I don't share, I never had to. That's how I grew up, and unfortunately Chloe was raised the opposite.

- Red, I feel like there's something more underneath, Uma said, sitting in her chair facing me.

She was so much more than just the school principal, she was everybody's therapist and best friend.

- Yeah, I don't know. I said, almost tearing up, looking down at my nails and biting my lip.

- I get that you really like Chloe, and that Anastasia being her ex brought up some uncomfortable feelings, but I feel like there's more to the story? Isn't it? Uma said, looking at me with compassion.

- I guess I've had this anxious feeling about Anastasia ever since Chloe first told me she had an ex. I'm comparing myself, I could never be good enough for Chloe, never.

- Why is that, why are you comparing?

- Because Chloe's this sweet sweet girl, and when she sees the real me, my messy sides she's gonna run. Everyone does, that's why I'm basically alone. My dad ran, all my friends since kindergarten, I've never had any past lovers, everybody runs.

I feel my hands shanking, but my whole body's stiff.

- Red, I know Chloe, she's been here many many times talking. She has the biggest heart, the purest soul I've ever met. She has so much love to give, and her heart chooses to love the ones that needs it. Maybe one time in the past Anastasia needed Chloe's love to get back on track. Maybe right now, what you need is Chloe's love, to find your path. She has that impact, that what she's made for. And it does her good. She cannot hold all that love inside.

Umas words are wise, and so true but I can't help but getting lost in the bad thoughts.

- Yeah, but I feel like she's still gonna run. Maybe Anastasia even would be better for her. I think I literally fought myself when I started arguing with her. I don't think I'm worthy Chloe's love. That's been eating me up. I've been obsessing over Anastasia. When I really was insecure over was myself.

- Look Red, you're already seeing the problem.

Yeah maybe, but I still had a big problem with that bitch Anastasia.

-

I opened the door fast. Closing it, with no emotion. I dropped my bag harshly into the floor. I was empty, so empty, I couldn't feel a thing.

Uma and I was in her office for three hours talking about my whole life story to end up with "look red you're already seeing the problem". Okey? So?

I made my way over to my bed, laying down under the comforter, facing the wall. Just looking straight ahead, not feeling anything. My face couldn't even move. I felt tears running down my cheeks, but I couldn't blink.

Chloe had been calling my name a hundred times, but i couldn't answer, it was all
just blurry. I was empty, so empty.

Chloe tried and tried, talking to me but I heard nothing. She ended up laying behind me, holding me hard. She always knew exactly what I needed. She was just there, not saying anything, just holding me, as I cried. I could feel her hot breath on my neck, she started kissing it.

She turned me around and started kissing my face, she took my hands and placed them on her heart. She knew her heartbeat made me safe.

I felt her heart steady, and that's when I could see again. I saw her pretty face, worried but still remaining calm. My hands were cold against her warm fever skin underneath her shirt.

- Chloe I-

She put her finger on my lips.

- Don't speak Red, that's not what you need right now. Just feel me, feel my heart, feel that I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying here with you.

I felt my own heartbeat slow down, more and more by every minute. The salty tears were still findings it's way down my face. But less and less were formed.

I cuddled into Chloe, making myself small. Still with my right hand on her heart. Her warm skin against mine. I felt it, I felt her love even if my body was numb.

- Remember what I once told you Red, I get people, especially you.

And I drifted off to sleep.