Especially you

She healed a heart she didn't break.

Chapter 67. "She healed a heart she didn't break."
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Heyyy guys, saw your comments on my last post and I just wanted to tell you that your never alone in what your feeling! Almost all of us struggle a lot with anxiety, and this is a safe space to talk about it!!

Im literally dealing a lot with it myself, especially panic attacks!

You can always reach out to me if you ever feel like you have no one to talk to about it!

Enjoy this chapter and hope it spreads some happiness to you rn🫶🏻🫶🏻
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Reds pov

I woke up, feeling Chloe's steady breathing beside me as she held me in her arms. Flyfly hadn't moved at all, and her warm fur warmed me up too. I laid in the middle, surrounded by safety.

My vision was groggy, my body was still adjusting to the new feeling of constant anxiety. I even saw my skin break out, reminding me that I needed to change something in order to feel better. But how could I?

It felt like constant pain was a main part of my life, even if I didn't want it to be, somehow it still felt like i didn't have the power to make it go away.

I took a deep breath, collecting myself. When I started the morning by thinking all these negative thoughts it felt like my brain was just asking for more negativity to fuel the pain. The anxiety. The raging fear inside of me.

Chloe never experienced anxiety on the levels I did, she had a good childhood, a good family. But I didn't, it always felt like something was missing. Safety and comfort was missing, leaving me vulnerable and lost.

I felt a tear roll down my cheeks, not even sure why. I didn't know if I was sad or mad.. or just lost. How would I know?

I wiped it off and turned my attention to Dragonfly who was peacefully sleeping beside me, by my chest. I leaned down and buried my face in her fur, feeling her wake up and lick my face a little. She knew exactly, I never had to tell her.

- Baby? Are you awake? Chloe groaned behind me as she slowly woke up.

- Yeah, I whispered as I was still snuggling up to Flyfly.

- Are you okay? Chloe said in a tiny voice, leaving me speechless. I was quiet for a moment, deciding on whether I'd tell her the truth or not.

I sighed,
- I'm fine, sorry if I was rude yesterday, you didn't deserve that.

Chloe placed her hand on my shoulder, making me roll over to the other side, facing her. She didn't say anything, she didn't need to. She traced the shapes of my face, stranding some hair behind my ear. She looked me right in the eyes, with a power so strong it was almost hard to keep the eye contact.

- Baby, I know you're hurting, she started and kept her eyes deep in mine.

I looked down, feeling a bit ashamed. But Chloe lifted my chin, making me face her.

- I know you're probably not used to people grounding you, helping you cope, but I'm here and I'm not going anywhere, she continued in a raspy voice.

I felt my heart race a little by her words, but my brain thinking a hundred negative thoughts already.

She could leave again,
I can never get better,
Is this reality?
Would anyone ever do this for me?
She's lying right?
I need to isolate, protect myself!!

Just in a second all of these thoughts ran wild inside my head, making no space for logical thinking.

- I know you don't believe me, and it's fine, I'll just prove it to you for the rest of your life - Chloe whispered as she lifted my chin again, making my eyes meet hers.

I was still staying quiet, debating on what to say.

- You'll always have me Red, whatever happens to us, you'll always have me, she whispered again as she placed a kiss on my neck.

- But you still left once, you were gone? I managed to get out.

She traced my skin, down my arm, grabbing my hand in hers, bringing down to the mattress, holding it hard before she looked into my eyes again.

- Baby, I wasn't really gone, I couldn't ever be apart from you. Never, she breathed and squeezed my hand a little, lifting it up and leaving a kiss on the back of it.

I stared into her soft eyes, still making my heart flutter.

- Can you tell me what's bothering you so I can help you? Please? She said just above whisper as she snuggled up closer to me.

I anxiously looked away, biting my lips in worry. But Chloe didn't hesitate, she brought my head back, making me meet her gaze.

- I can't help you if you won't tell me, it might even feel better if you do? She asked, as she started tracing my skin again, down my arms, making me relax into her touch.

I hesitated for a moment, trying to form the words but I just.. couldn't. My throat was hurting again, from the anxiety getting caught up in it.

- I just, feel like everything is unreal, I can't even tell if this is reality, I said as I felt the tears coming out. Even if I didn't want them to.

- It's okay baby, take your time, Chloe softly replied as she wiped the salty tears escaping from my eyes.

I sighed again, trying to collect myself enough to continue.

- I just feel like I live inside my head, and I'm worried all the time, having constant panic attacks. I'm afraid of losing you, I'm afraid of losing Zack! I'm afraid to mess up, I'm just... So afraid! And instead I get mad.. And take it out on you guys-

I was full on sobbing, not being able to continue.

- Oh baby, Chloe said as she wrapped her arms around me, and I cried into her shoulder.

- I don't know what to do! I sobbed, as I felt her shirt getting wet from the salty tears streaming down my face.

- No baby, What WE will do. Where in this together, I promise you my love, we'll work it out together. You're never alone, never again, she whispered into my ear, sending shivers down my spine.

For some reason, the negative thoughts were gone, even if it was for just a split second, they were gone. My head was silent.

She healed a heart she didn't break.