Especially you

Especially me.

Chapter 12. "Especially me"

(So kind of trauma dump?) 😅

Reds pov

I slowly opened the door into my old room, holding Chloe's hand as she was walking behind me. I turned on the lights, and took a step forward, inspecting the room.

- Wow Red, this is so.... Red. Chloe said, surprised my by red inspired room. The details in the room where red, my bed was red. I was obsessed with red.
- Yeah, and it also holds a lot of memories, I said laying down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

Chloe laid down beside me, putting one of her legs over my stomach. She faced my side, taking some of my hair and stranded it behind my ear.
- You're so pretty Red, she said, still admiring me with her adorable face.
- Aww, you are too Chlo. I turned around, kissing her.

I tackled her down, straddling her and continued with the kisses. Chloe giggled and tried to get a hold of my hands. She tried to turn us around, but didn't succeed so we ended up on the floor beside the bed, dying in laughter.

- What are you guys doing that so fun? Mom came in the room, and started giggling too when we saw the two of us on the floor, intertwined.

Mom stood in the doorway and watched us with heart eyes,
- You guys are so cute, you know that? She said with a big smile on her lips.
- Yeah, yeah mom, I rolled my eyes sitting up.
- So I heard you guys are obsessed with pancakes, so I made some now, come on out in the kitchen, mom said walking away.

Chloe and I happily followed along, pancakes was sort of our love language, in some twisted way.

- That's so sweet of you, thank you! Chloe said with her warm voice, pulling out the chair beside me.
- Yeah, thanks mom! I said sitting down.
- No problem guys, it warms my heart to have you home. I've missed you, both!

I looked at Chloe, she looked at me, we smiled. My mom was amazing.

-
When Chloe and I woke up the next day it was Saturday, and I didn't even want to get up of my Red big soft bed. It was made in heaven for sure, the beds at the dorm was nothing like this.

I felt Chloe's hands holding me close from behind, and I didn't want to move a meter.

I looked around in the room, it felt so strange being home again. So much had changed. First of all, I had a girlfriend?

If you told me that a few months ago I never would have believed you.

Now that I was home, in my hometown I had some things to do with mom, leaving Chloe all by herself in the house for some hours.

-
Chloe pov

When Red and Bridget closed the door, I was in Reds room unpacking some clothes we brought. Her room was so Red, and dark. But beautiful somehow. She had a lot of photos hanging on her walls, mostly of her mom and her, and some of her old school.

It felt like there was a lot I didn't know about Red, it felt like she hid a lot inside. She had this mysterious aura, that I felt like I had figured out, but I probably hadn't.

I put the clothes aside and walked around in the room, taking in every detail. Nothing was white or light. Everything was red or black. I was looking in her shelf when I randomly came across a diary. I didn't even think when I opened it, and started reading the first page.

08/10 - 2022

I'm so tired of living in this world of darkness and misery. Ever since I got that panic attack in school it felt like all people started making fun of me, I felt that I was different, an outsider. I didn't fit in. I tried to allow myself to be near some people I thought was cool, but they didn't look at me like that. I saw it in their eyes, they feared me. I didn't know what I did to deserve to be feared.

08/20 - 2022
I hear mom and dad fighting over the phone, dad didn't want to pay for my future education or anything that has to do with me, he basically never wants to see me. Now I get why no one wants to stay, he also thinks I'm weird. He found out mom buys me chocolate and Pepsi max, when I have a hard time eating. And he thought that was insane and that she should be turned in, for abusing me. But she never did that, all she wanted to do was to help!

08/21 - 2022
Dad's here, I think his hitting mom. I don't know what to do, I'm sitting alone in my room.

09/01 - 2022
I'm done. I'm so done. I can't protect mom anymore, I can't control my anxiety. I don't want to live anymore. Not like this. I don't know what to do.

I gasped, what the hell did this poor girl go through?

- Chloe, have you seen my credit card? I can't find it-

Red stood completely still by the door, watching me with big eyes. Surprised.

I just then realized what I did, I just read her diary without her approval. I just peaked through her deepest secrets and fears without her wanting to. Maybe there was a reason she didn't want me to know.

- Red, I'm so sorry I didn't thin-
- You read that? She said, walking towards me.
- Yes, some of it, I didn't think Red I'm sorry.

She was quiet. But I spoke up again,
- I'm so sorry I-
- Chloe it's fine, just make sure no one else knows. Especially about how my dad treated my mom. Okay?

I nod.

- Good, she said. Finding her credit card, and walking out. I felt a tear fall from my eye, and I sat down on the floor. Dropping the diary. I buried my face in my hands, and I couldn't even hold it anymore. Tear after tear fell down.

I felt sorry for red, and I felt horrible for just reading it like that.

I think Red heard me, because suddenly she stumbled in, flying down beside me and hugged me, hard.
- I love you, I love you, I love you Chloe. I'm not mad.
- Are you sure? I-
- Shhh, my love. Look at me.

I looked inside her deep brown eyes, I already got lost in them.
- Don't worry, I love you and I don't care that you know. You're a part of me.

I nodded, leaning in to her chest again. It felt good feeling Reds heartbeat, that I for once could be the vulnerable one.

I really understood why Red was so obsessed with hearing my heartbeat, it was calming. Hearing the person you love being alive, being near. That was something special, I couldn't even put into words.

- Chloe, I know you're gonna feel bad, but don't. I don't want to keep secrets from you, I'm just bad at communicating.
- I'm glad that you're trying, I say smiling behind the tears and ruined mascara.
- For you I'll do anything, kinda. She said and I burst out laughing.

She smiled, but I knew she was kind of serious. It took a lot for her, just to let me in. I was glad that she did.

- You know, sometimes I feel like I also get people, and especially you. Red said, kissing me.

Yeah, I thought, especially me.