Competition

The beginning ( background)

Rebecca's pov :

Time to begin another, likely dreadful day. I grab my phone, shut my alarm off, and open up the group chat on snap as I head to the shower. Gosh, I'm so sore, and I got horrifically shitty sleep.
As I open Snap, I'm greeted by pictures of body checks and tiny meals from everyone. What can I say it's literally called " slim wins," and it's mostly made up of thin ana or mia girls. Of course, there are a few body checks. Most of the girls live somewhere in England, so of course, the group chat is most active while I'm sleeping.

One snap in particular was saved in the chat. Someone Elizabeth sent a picture of her non-existent stomach. Well, honestly, her essentially non-existent body.

I typed out a reply :

" You look amazing. Please share your secret!!! Your willpower is something I'll always wish for "

Turning off my phone and turning on my shower, I undress and look at my body in the mirror.

I'm fat, not the delusional ana girl who thinks she's fat, or the sexy curvy fat, or even the small belly where the fat from your uterus pushes out. Not the slightly chubby kind or the "big-bonded" kind of fat. No body dysmphoria here, I know what I am.

No, I'm fat, fat, I've got an apron belly, square flat butt, loose flabby underarms, slightly deflated football shaped thighs, and a double chin.
I don't have a thigh gap. You can't see my collarbones like you can on Elizabeth. My stomach will never be flat, and I will probably never be less than a size 20. I'm the fat where all of my outfits that aren't sweats are ugly florals type fat. I'm the kind of fat when my belly goes out enough that I can't see my toes. Not to mention, my feet are massive about five inches in width.

I finally stop staring in the mirror and begin to scrub my body with my cucumber mint body wash. while I stand there, I think about how jealous girls like Elizabeth make me, I know it's just a group chat, and she lives in France, but everyone like her makes me jealous. She's thin, beautiful eyes, and always has on light make-up. Plus, she's Arab with thick dark hair. That's all we have in common. Long dark hair. She looks beautiful in everything she wears, even if it's just shapeless clothes. Sometimes, she'll snap us a picture in her boyfriend's baggy tee and a tree pose. She always looks fantastic. Honestly, everyone on that group chat except me looks great.

I move to washing my hair with eucalyptus shampoo, girls who have control like that bother me, I never have control. I just want to eat, constantly. I do, however, have B.E.D. The eating disorder no one even cares about. The one that makes you annoyingly fat. The one who wears part of recovery tends to be losing weight. All I want to do is be even just a bit thinner, but I can't put down my miniature pies, cheese pizza, chocolate milk, goldfish, or my mom's pancakes. Which I can smell from the shower.

My mom is a darn good cook, and honestly, the largest reason for me being obese. My mom isn't fat, but she makes a ton of food, and I can never stop myself from eating it. I feel like such an imposter for being fat and in an ED group chat, I don't even count calories and I haven't actually made any effort into loosing weight, but at least I'm honest about my weight. A lot of girls will lie about how much they weigh or the amount of weight they have lost. Or refuse to show pictures of themselves, of course, then they get removed from the chat, but while they are present, they are so annoying. I know I'm fat, I don't hate thin people, sure I'm jealous. I mean, any fat person who isn't super muscular or doing a sport where they need to weigh more probably is. But I don't go into an Ed group chat just to be a silent lurker.

After what feels like an eternity of picking apart, washing my body in specifically non food scented shampoos, I step out the shower and lather my brown skin in rose scented lotion. I don't even like the smell, but I can't be the fat girl who always smells like food. Imagine I walk into school smelling like vanilla and coffee while being over 200 pounds. No thanks. That would be way to 2000's movie coded. Everyone already thinks all I do is eat, I can't fuel that assumption by smelling like food.

I remember being in elementary school, being the only Indian girl, and bringing my lunches from home . I was picked on because my mom would oil and braid my hair, and the food I brought only added to people saying I'm odd. At that point, my lunches weren't un- healthy in any way, still Other kids would pick on me and say the dumbest things.

" Oh my god, what's that smell?"

" It's just Rebecca's food,"

" It smells terrible to eat something normal."

" What even is curry?"

From then on, I was ashamed to eat in front of people, shamed to smell like food, not food in general but my food especially. Food from my culture. It wasn't even about how much I was eating. It was about my food being different from there's. I'm certainly not ashamed to eat though it's all I do, you can tell by looking at me 249.8 pounds and 5'1.

I finally leave the bathroom, throw on sweat pants and a sweat shirt, and head down to get breakfast. Just like I do every other Monday.

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Authors note:

Thoughts?

Edit: Read the news side story!!!
https://www.wattpad.com/1477172968?utm_source=android&utm_medium=link&utm_content=share_published&wp_page=create_on_publish&wp_uname=littlereader2024