Competition

Ed- minds Cate

God, I stayed up far too late last night. As I look over at the clock on my wall, it reads 11:46.

My mom and brothers are already gone for work and football, so at least that's a plus. Well, waking up late is no excuse not to have a  less than productive day.

I slide out of bed and begin tidying up my room. Tucking in my tan bedsheets, I set a reminder to wash them tomorrow.

"Hey, siri-, set a reminder for 10 am tomorrow to wash and change bedsheets. " I say while picking up and putting away the shopping bags on my floor.

" Reminder set for 10: wash and change bed sheets," a Lana parrilaesqe voice responds .

Finally, with a slightly put-together room, I head over to my vanity. I have a cute little setup, all my skincare to the left. Hair care to the right and the vietnamese flag behind and above my mirror.

" Oh, I almost forgot!" I realize quickly getting up to grab my camera and record.

" Hello, good day. I woke up late and won't be doing too much today, so I'm not going to wear makeup." I explain to absolutely no one.

" So I'm just going to do skincare, starting with a quick face mask. My skin needs some TLC. It's still clear and whatnot, but yesterday was a stressful day. Not to mention, I've been having to fight the urge to binge it's insane!"

In all seriousness, bingeing has been on my mind lately. Not even because I'm hungry but because I'm stressed. But since I've stopped purging, I've realized how disgusting the act of bingeing and purging is.

I take off the face mask and apply my favorite Korean sunscreen. To me asian skin care brands work best for Asian skin.

" I'm not going to binge. I know that. However, reflecting on how I felt while doing that. I felt absolutely disgusting. I mean, I was just shoveling greasy food into my face, hardly even tasting it. I was just full-on stuffing myself just so that I wouldn't have to think about what was stressing me. Then the purge always sucked. Purging anything spicy was always painful. My stomach was always slightly bloated after, and I felt queasy at gymnastics practice the next day. "

I pause before I comb out my eyebrows and lashes. I really need to shave them down.

" Honestly, in reality, I was just being weak. I was weak and didn't want to face what was stressing me out. I was weak when I knew I wanted to lose weight but binged over 1000 calories. I was weak when I decided that instead of eating healthy, I'd rat like I was a trash bin and throw it all up later. I'm not saying I'm recoverd or completely fine now. But I'm at a low but healthy weight, I don't have a stomach pudge, and swelling in my neck is going down. "

I move to styling my hair, to ponytail braids, and the rest straight down. I decided to add on orange bows at the end of each braid. The femininity lee lacks I've stolen !

" Now I'm just maintaining this weight, I eat clean but still enjoy a sweet treat. I still work out a lot. Emma's walking pad has been a life saver since the weather has been a bit cooler. I still have habits that are more ed leaning, but at the same time Im okay with that. My BMI is slightly underweight, and I'm okay with that. As long as I'm not purging, I'm fine."

Looking at my reflection, I give myself a once over before taking a picture for Tumblr and Twitter.

" You know I don't know how I feel about constantly posting myself on Tumblr anymore. The people that interact on those posts are people who never post anything about themselves, no face, no body, sometimes stats. However, if we do get stats, they are terrible, like 5'0 166 or 5'2 200 pounds. Or something. They make me feel insecure because they are only watching me for inspiration and possibly out of jealousy."

It's whatever, though. Tumblr is a crazy place. People are getting terminated left, and right, anonconfessionsedblr is going crazy. Not to mention honey diet and blue berry luv apparently being ana coaches? Well not even apparently giving some young girls restrictive diet inspo is exactly what an answer Coach would do.

"I literally can not with Tumblr sometimes, and I still see old body checks of one of my closest friends on Twitter! "

" Speaking of my friends, I don't trust Bex. She's lost 40 pounds in a month and a half, and that's great, but like it's all she ever talks about, I get that's a big deal for her and she's proud but still. plus she allowed Regina to spend her own money on clothes for herself. To me, that's just selfish even if Regina offered. You've only known her for a few weeks. You are supposed to say no!"

I stand up from my vanity and head over to my closet to toss on some workout clothes. Lee and I are going to the gym together, maybe today I'll make a move. But knowing her she's got some sexy secret on the side.

" I don't trust Bex, but maybe it's just me. Chow for now!"

I smile into the camera and stop recording. It's already 12:25, and Lee said she'd be here by 1:20. I don't know how basic skincare takes me so long.

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Complete, go read the second part, " Cate's (bulima). Thanksgiving break !