Competition

Back at school again

Rebecca's pov

I wake up right with my alarm, but with a touch more pep in my step. Maybe today won't be a completely miserable day.

The girls and I talked all weekend, I'm having lunch with them today hopefully however much food I eat doesn't make me the odd one out. However I weigh almost 260 pounds I'm already the odd one out. but I also face timed my partner last night! It's a long distance relationship, and that is difficult because we started together and then they left but it's okay. Well left I guess is the wrong word it wasn't a choice they made but it still hurts.

I told them I wanted to loose weight, and was trying to do so. Their response was so kind.

" You know I love you as is, of course in the black coumminty thicker women are the standard so I've been around girls that look like you all my life. If you want to loose weight be healthy and not progress your diabetes I am here for you love."

Gosh I love them , a star in a human being. We met two years go when I weighed about 200 pounds, through soccer he watched me gain weight and never said anything negative, and when he moved six months ago he was the or who wante to stay together even though he's fit and Im not,

I pause mid way through washing my hair with eucalyptus oil shampoo.

All the girls and I are different races, I'd like to talk to them about beauty standards in there coumminty. In fact that concept is what my English paper is on. I'm still gathering sources but maybe personal interviews could be part of my sources. I've always been focused on my school work and any racial or social topic always peaks my interest. Now that I have a properly diverse friend group I can talk to them and not only understand them but get a good grade out of it.

I step out of the shower and make a note in my notes app to ask my teacher if I can do personal interviews. I know black culture has a different relationship with obesity than asian culture the same comparison can be made with white and Latino culture. Really that could be a great concept to compare. Honestly every ethnicity has a different idea of female beauty in white culture thin bodes are more feminine. Even on thin trans white boys. However in black culture men ted to be genetically muscular so black trans boys are viewed as more feminine if they are thin. I guess in most ethnicities thinness is a feminine characteristic.

I'm feeling braver today and end up deciding on sweat pants and a t-shirt instead of a sweatshirt today. It's a simple shirt pink nothing on it and still a bit baggy. Don't get me wrong I'm not transformed in any way.
I'm still fat, my apron belly is still there my arms are still giant. I'm just feeling more confident since a group of kind, beautiful. thin girls want to help me and be my friend. That's the biggest reward for me.

" Good morning mom!" I say while giving her a hug.

" Hey babi, I made waffles for breakfast and chicken curry for your lunch." She sits the food down in front of me on our wood table and kisses my forehead.

I go to open up my net diary, each waffle and syrup adds up to six hundred and fifty calories. Sitting there I decide to only eat two of the waffles and have butter instead of syrup, bringing the food down to three hundred and forty eight calories.

I put the curry in my back grab a plum and two quest bars as snacks, a hopefully helpful tip from lee.

She said protein keeps you full, and when I told my boyfriend he agreed.

Before I leave the house I stop my mom for a second.

" Mom, Im trying to loose weight maybe just forty pounds right now , I'm not going to eat five waffles every morning or heaping spoonfuls of curry well honestly I'll try not to. I love you and your cooking but I'm tired being fat." I sigh an look at her, she's curvy but thin, slightly curled dark hair henna up to her elbows and dark hazel eyes.

She gets up and hugs me.

" I love you Rebecca, if this is what you want and need I support you completely, I never wanted to comment on your weight but if you want to loose weight I'll be here to help, I'll clean up and restock the kitchen while your at school and soccer. Bye babi!"

Gosh I love my mom, I hug her an leave and hope on the bus to school she's nice, kind hearted and such a sweetheart. She ha never said anything about my weight yes 100% my aunties have but honestly that's just indian culture there is absolutely no escape from it.

I look out the window on the bus and open up my group chat, no body checks for once so I text the GC.

" For once not wearing a sweatshirt forcing myself into eating less with my flabs out 😭 wish me luck."

I hit send and enjoy the rest of the bus ride.

Once I get to school I end up in trig with Cate, usually she's almost late to class because she's In the bathroom but not today.

" Listen Bex , I know this might sound boring but would you like to go grocery shopping with us Saturday, get some food inspo?" Cate inquires with a smile. She's always so positive and eager to spend time with me, it makes me feel special.

" I'll have to ask, I told my mom I wanted to loose weight and she said she was going food shopping today so I might not need to." After I said that I felt my stomach growl , I really should have had another waffle.

"Oh that's alright let me know though!" She says as class begins.

I really want to eat one of my snacks I feel like I'm starving. but other than Friday I've never seen Cate eat and I don't want to eat in front of her. I can wait till next class to have one of my snacks.