Competition

Affects of ed- Emma

Emma's pov

I was on my treadmill Saturday morning after a cool shower and facetime call with Regina, everyday I love her more she is sweet, selfless  kind, and careless about weight, a version of  who I want to be. I was just listening to my most recent therapy session to reflect on myself. Listening to it back reminds me to actually use the advice my therapist gives me.

" Emma, you've been in orthorexia recovery for a few months now I want to take today's session to compare behaviors you used to engage in that were negative to more positive behaviors now." Dr. Hannah said calmly.

"Okay. " I said while looking down at my new acrylic nails.

" At the start of our sessions you said you wouldn't allow people to cook for you, you said yourself you wouldn't eat food that wasn't" beautiful "
Every meal you ate had to feature vegetables or you wouldn't eat it, lastly you refused to cook with oil " Dr. Hannah removed her glasses

"And theses are just some symptoms, don't forget the illness is mental however similar to anorexia it has physical symptoms" Dr. Hannah said with a sigh.

" Well, that is all true plus I always was so stressed and mean to my family because I was stressed about how the food was cooked and if it was healthy. I was annoyingly controlling. I was obsessed  with the " that girl" concept. Now I don't mind letting my friends cook food for me, I still eat vegetables often but if I want to eat a bagel I don't force myself to eat a stick oh celery with it. " I looked up at her and smiled.

" I've stopped fearing food so much, I've been taking doctor recommended vitamins to get nutrients I was deficient in, like since because I used to not get any protein. That's another thing I've started intentionally eating protein. Just like before I don't count calories but I've allowed myself to feel less scared of oil "

I walked off my treadmill and started doing some light stretching on the floor, a great start to my morning.

" That's good Emma I'm glad, when I first saw you your hair and nails were very thin now they and you have gotten healthier because you are eating more variety of food, I'm proud of you. "

". I do still have problems, my muscles aren't as strong as they once were, my hair isn't as long as it once was, I still have nutrient deficiencies and I'm still working through my gluten sensitivity. However baby steps!"

" That's good, these next few days I want you to have balance yes take your vitamins and eat your greens but enjoy carbs an protein as well, your body needs to function well and your muscles need to rebuild themselves." She coughs a little before I interrupt.

I paused my recording, stood up and walked down my white hallways into my gold white and pink kitchen and made myself a chicken and egg breakfast sandwich on white bread for the first time in months, granted I only used egg whites and didn't let myself eat it till I had taken a picture I still ate it. Baby steps.