Competition

Tuesday morning - Lee

Once again I'm up before my five- thirty alarm. Maybe I should just set it earlier in the morning?

I gladly wake up and chug some of the water beside my bed as I scroll through Pinterest for a moment. Even though my food is all meal prepped I still need food inspiration for next week. I'll have to ask the group chat for a bit of inspiration. Honestly my phone shouldn't be the first thing  I look at in the morning but it is an I'm okay with that. I have inspirational quotes and a Bible verse as my screen saver so I feel motivated when I look at my phone. Plus I wake up to a new Alyssa Coppolino video notification I'll have to watch it later!

I start my morning walking across the hall to the bathroom. I brush my teeth and turn on a bit of Erica Badu. To bring in positive energy. She has great music , and is beautiful I love how her vibe makes me feel. I prefer to take cool showers so i quickly hoped into the shower, my favorite body was currently is the shea moisture daily hydration coconut milk. It doesn't have super strong fragrances and makes me feel super clean. Thankfully in comparison to my friends. I have locs so my showers pass quickly since I don't need to wash my hair.

My locs are a big part of my personality I always get compliments on it. It's very easy to style and adds to my masculine presentation even though I deck out in dresses at every opportunity.

And great fully, unlike when I was anorexic I don't have to constantly shave because of long hair consuming my arms. I swear honestly that was one of the worse symptoms well actually, loosing my hair was. In an actually affect measure to prevent that hair loss I got locs. It worked and I feel pretty great about my presation with locs.

I'm able to make it out of the bathroom without my younger sister banging on the door. I quickly change into a simple yellow strappy dress with matching yellow converse. By then I'm tired of Ericka Badu so I switch over to a Michelle McDaniel video.

I love her, I discovered when I was anorexic and used her to trigger myself into not eating but now. I watch her videos for fun, we are both muscular black women she's funny, loud, beautiful, smart and she's got three little dogs, pugs and what not. I haven't come across a singular opinion of hers I don't see the value in. On top of that she's a personal trainer so her fitness advice is so helpful and I know it's real, legitimate, and un-biased.

I head into the kitchen, knowing that I won't be eating but I do make something for my sister who just woke up. I settle on a few oat and protein waffles for her. It's simple and lower calorie. And it's pretty filling plus since the protein powder is chocolate it taste amazing.

Two ounces of oats

Half a scoop of protein powder

A cup of flour

3.5 ounces of unsweetened and almond milk

Cinnamon

Nutmeg

And a table spoon  of butter.

Mixed together and put into a waffle maker no eggs needed. I love eggs but if I were to eat this I'd have to do eggs or butter and Stacey likes butter,  likely she will end up adding more as well as syrups to her waffles. plus she'll never know there aren't any eggs in here. I know it's a lot of better but to get the eggy effect I need to use more butter, plus it's not like I'm the one who eats it.

My sister and I don't always get along she always try to make me feel like I'm eating more than I am . All while complaining about how her friend called her fat at school and asking me if she's pretty. Honestly she's very annoying she says things just to trigger me and then gets upset as I prove her wrong. Like last night she says to me:

" You've lost all your muscle. "

So I flexed my arms and prove her wrong. Petty but it's who i am

Or she'll look at wst I'm eating and say:

" That's a lot of food?"

When in reality it's an 80 calorie piece of bread and a plain scrambled egg. And mind you this was my last " meal" of the day just to keep me from binge eating and keep me full during the night.m

It's little things like that she throws around to try and get under my skin. I typically don't reply and ignore he comments like that to avoid and argument . She always says I try and start problems but in reality it's her.

Don't get me wrong, my sister isn't fat and she doesn't look fat. I just think she has some weirded complex related to my eating disorder.

Honestly I think, I could be wrong but I think she just projects her anger, insecurities, and self hate on to me. I've always been known as the pretty sister. I've got long hair, I'm lighter skinned, taller than her and my eye collar is more brown than black, but I've done the work to not be affected by that and to love myself. I think she maybe enjoys fighting with me. But I leave the waffles on the camera grab my lulu backpack and head out the door to start my Tuesday.