Competition

Affects of ed- Cate

Cate's pov

Last was great I didn't pig out on food or anything. Since I didn't pig out I didn't purge. Instead of comforting my self with chips I ate tons of frozen fruit, protein oatmeal, tomatoe sandwich, egg, bell pepper and onion omelettes. Today was a good day.

I open up my camera and star recording.

" I've been thinking maybe I should give up Mia? I only say that because my face is always looking puffy and splotchy now, plus my teeth are getting yellower, I don't want to damage them to much, but most of all I want to be thin. My thighs still feel so pudgy. "

I smile hard and flash my teeth for the camera. I love my video diary. Well I guess more so for me than anything. My teeth aren't terrible but I can see the yellow or the the yellow tint.

" Then again I'm sure I could buy some whitening toothpaste or strips and that problem might be solved. But if my goal is to be prettier I can't do that with yellow teeth and a swollen face. No amount of makeup can be a clean slim face. Right not all I've got is a bloated face, burst blood kidsood vessels and brain fog. "

I plop down on my freshly made bed with new tan sheets and roll onto my back. Looking up at my ceiling coverd with super models like Cate moss, Naomi Campbell, Gigi Hadid and gymnasts like Simone and Gabby. I think constantly having people in my room I love, want to look like, and idolize, motivates me. I wake up and go to sleep to these pictures daily. It motivates me.

" Also I feel like I have terrible breath everywhere I go ad I can't just eat gum because then you swallow way to much air and get bloated. Then again I could only eat and therefore purge healthy food... However if I had tr ability to do that I wouldn't be a bulimic anyway. "

I roll over and turn the rose shaped lamp beside my bed on. It's a beautiful lamps and goes well with my room I love collecting little nick-knacks like that.

" I ate a lot today but it was healthy food and I didn't feel the urge to purge, grains, tomatoes zucchini, fruits things like that. However I still worry that the side effects of bulimia will counteract all the healthy eating and water I drink. What's the point of being skinny if I have no teeth, eye bags and a fat face. You know what I mean ?" I pause to take a sip of water.

" Of course I could google vitamins to improve hydration and add whatever looks best to my collegan, melatonin, zinc, and vitamin c. Truly allowing my body get nutrients it lacks. But before I do that I think I'd prefer to go to my doctor and have him tell me what my body is lacking. That's the thing about Emma though. She got into all that doctor , healthy eating stuff and then she became orthorexic, or Oria as she likes to call it. Eventually She had to go to treatment. " I smiled at my reflection in camera and drank a bit more water.

" Thankfully other side effects like hair loss haven't happened yet, and I guess if they did I'd try out biotin, and hair massages. Plus I still eat my period even though it's light really it's just my appearance that has changed in both good and bad ways, I'm thinner, my hands are slim, but my face is puffy and my under eyes are always slightly red. But I can put up with it, the stinky breath and burning throat can resolved with mouth wash and mints!"

I turn back to the camera and shut it off I then take a mirror pic of my thigh gap and post it to Tumblr I caption it :

Side effect of mi@ 🌟

There are " good" side affects like loosing weight. But Mia alomw didn't get me here. It was also proper eating. For instance I see people on Twitter all the time posting b/p huals and whenever I see that I'm disgusted.

Not only are they wasting food. But they are buying for with the intent of purging. To me that's crazy because purging doesn't get rid of everything and they wastee money on buying that food. Girls with ana dot intend to purge it happens by accident. But showing off a b/p hual as a girl with Mia shows the difference of control between both disorders.

It's gross.

I put my phone down and head to bed without any melatonin.