Competition

Junk food thoughts.

Emma's pov

After school at my house today I decided to make some juices for Rebecca. Just trying to do the poor girl a favor. I mean in my art class a few of the boys were talking about her while referring to her as "an ugly miss piggy."

She asked me how I stayed away from junk food and was telling me she constantly binged on it, or over ate on the healthier versions. Honestly bingeing isn't a relatable experience for me. If I did "binge" it was on a giant bowl of watermelon, lettuce, or homemade yogurt bars.

With that topic in mind while I crochet myself a new pink sweater. I love making me and my friends matching sweaters every year when it starts to cool down. When I made Rebecca's red one i made it decently smaller than she is right now to push her to loose weight. If all the clothes you have are a size to small it forces you to loose weight. I open up my new Cate imposed video diary. She practically shoved it down my throat.

" Honestly I guess my first step is not wanting to eat unhealthy food. I don't care about gaining weight or getting curvier. I simply don't want to eat food loaded with saturated fats. Dyes that are banned in other countries and gums. The whole point off food like that is to mute your hunger cues and hormones. Therefore making you want more. The entire purpose of these major food companies is to make money. So they make there crappy food cheap, making consumer ps buy and eat more. Real talk all you have to do is look at the ingredients and then you won't want to eat that " food". "

I knew this one boy in treatment, well knew is a strong word I saw him around . He was an anorexic and did not want to be in treatment. Yet surprisingly when I opened up his insta few days ago and now he's a muscular soccer player. In his bio he still has " pre- T" so it's cool knowing he built his now much more masculine body naturally. However he used to eat five m&M's a day and that was it. He wouldn't even it the ones with peanuts it was either chocolate or carmel. Acting like he was better than the girls who ate small salads or lettuce wraps simply because he was eating physically less. Even though that makes absolutely no difference.

One day a nurse lost her shit on him, I mean a whole blow up and said;

" Max you are even worse than the other girls here. I don't mean your illness is worse or you weigh less, I mean that your attitude sucks. You've been here for two months no one, not even the nurses want to be your friend. To start off you aren't better than anyone in this ward. Those m&M's you eat are coated in sugar and made up of fake chocolate what you believe you are nourishing your body with is actually a handful of chemicals that mess with your mind and a mustard seed sized amount of actual food. Do not mis-understand me none of your eating habits are healthy but max you survive off of candy and energy drinks that rot your teeth and have enough caffeine to shut down your organs. At least the other girls here put in effort and use therapy to talk about there food related problems. You made our last therapist quit by attempting to force them to talk to you about you being trans! Trying to tell her being thin made you more masculine. You see Nurse Beckham who brings you your meds, he is trans notice how he's muscular? Has a bit of weight to him? On you all we can see is your visibly feminine bone structure. Your candy does nothing for your health, and nothing for your weight. "

It made me feel so much better to see him get crushed like that. I never hate on anyone or wish them ill will but Max was such an annoying human being. I try to give Max grace though they are trans and had been put in the girls treatment ward so I'm sure that made them angrier than normal. However that doesn't make them being an entitled ass okay.

Then again he was always an ass, but with muscle on him now he passes much better so I'll give him that.

" Well honestly I stay away from junk food because I'm informed about the food eat. I know what's actually in the gummy bears and air heads. Typical candies anorexics like to eat because they low cal. I mean that gelatin is made from ground animal bones. It's not just the calories or the amount of food that matters you need to actually think about what is in what you decide to eat. I am a bit privileged though, my dad an afford pasture raised beef, farm raised chicken and while caught fish all raised with preservatives and GMO's. There isn't that much of a price difference but, being able to afford clean food definitely fueled my orthorexia. "

My alarm goes off and I take my camera with me to the bathroom that is attached to my room to rinse off my green tea face mask. I love a good face mask especially the night before a test the whole crocheting, face mask and a Victorias secret runway show video. It's my ritual,iveel like it brings me good luck.

I turn back to my camera with a closing thought.

" I love all kinds of food, I still enjoy snacks and what not but I'm not delusional when it comes to junk food no matter the quantity, especially if it's the only thing you eat junk food is bad for you. There is absolutely no getting around it. Yes of course 100 calories in gold fish or sour pacth kids is a small amount of calories but the chemicals and over processed nature of the food is what gets you incredibly I'll, constipated, tired and gives you a bicthy personality. "

I grab my camera and turn it off. I turn on my diffuser with vanilla essential oils before Slipping on my white eye mask as a crawl under my covers to bed.

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No pov

Cate 😶‍🌫️: What are you up to?

Lee 🍣: just left the gym, headed home to make tomorrows food. Why?

Cate 😶‍🌫️: No reason. Can I ask you smt?

Lee🍣: of course I'm not busy anyway.

Cate 😶‍🌫️: when bex asked about how we all avoid junk food what did you really want to say?

Cate 😶‍🌫️: you don't have to answer if you don't want to. Seriously no pressure.

Lee 🍣: I was honest with her I mean as an athlete junk food can fuel my body right before a meet and despite Emma's best efforts to change me if I want a pack of Skittles 20 minutes before a race I'll eat it. But other than that the short term energy candy provides does nothing for me. Plus I have a reputation for not eating junk food so if I suddenly started eating it, I'd get a lot of un wanted attention. In addition to that all the sugar and addictive chemicals make me sluggish.Wbu?

Lee 🍣: And honestly, my track coach would probably tell me to cut back on the junk food if she found out I was eating bunches of it. I'm a huge asset to the team their fastest sprinter and all.

Cate 😶‍🌫️: No I totally get that, honestly I'm kind of the same I stopped eating junk food, I told my mom so eventually she stopped buying it and it saved us money because unlike the fast food we'd eat in three days. Some fruits and vegetables would last us a week and we could make good meals. Plus fast food just leaves me unsatisfied and hungry later and that isn't even to mention pizza.

Lee 🍣: that's so true I swear packaged snacks anything boxed up adds up in my shopping cart so much fast than produce. So for me I guess it's about what food does for me, how it fuels my body and the price.

Cate 😶‍🌫️: On the other hand, I love junk food. So for me it's not about it not giving me energy. In reality for me I just have to not buy it. Seriously not even have it around. I've started not bringing my wallet to school so I don't buy junk food from the vending machines. Plus if I ever take a picture of my food. Having a bag of talki's sitting there just ruins the vibe yk?

Lee 🍣: Actually that's so real, I track my food and take pictures. Then I move it into " my eyes only" on Snapchat just in case I need meal inspiration for later

Lee 🍣: but honestly don't get me wrong of love nutrition I love weightloss and working out. And I know we agreed to help bex, but all she ever does it talk about her boyfriend or ask for weight loss tips.

Cate 😶‍🌫️: No your so right!! It's hella annoying but I saw on her phone some kinda Ed group chat on Snapchat so go ask them these questions? Like low-key I can only imagine how triggering her questions are for you and Emma.

Lee 🍣: I mean she isn't going to make me relapse I have completely different body goals and food habits now but it still is really annoying.

Cate 😶‍🌫️: that's good, don't get me wrong I love bex she's so kind I have no issues with fat people and wouldn't mind gaining a few pounds. Absolutely no fat phobia over here, I'm glad she's bettering herself but the question ps are a bit much.

Lee 🍣: I totally agree. My thing is if we weren't helping her I doubt she would be our friend. Seriously If we were all fat or chubby even if we had the exact same personalities she wouldn't talk to us.