Competition

Rebecca's ed

Rebecca's pov

I'm exhausted, soccer practice isn't just tiring physically it's also tiring emotionally. I'm the odd one out I'm the only actually fat girl on the team.

Every day after practice I want to come home and eat and most of the time that's exactly what I do. I feel judged by the other girls, none of them have actually said anything but I know they judge me. Just like at school I see real life Elizabeth's every day like Emma or mini hulks like Lee.

Every day I feel judged and hated. I walk into my mom's room.

"Hey Ma, did you make dinner?" I ask while plopping down on her bed.

" Yes babi, it's in the oven, I love you sleep well. " she says after giving me a kiss.

I check the clock, it's 9:00 not an unusual time for her to head to bed. I walk to the kitchen and open up the stove to mushroom pizza and garlic bread on the stove. I grab 3 slices of pizza and the whole pan of garlic bread. I sit on my chair and begin scrolling through the chats in my gc.

All I see is

" I ate over my calories today had an extra piece of bread"

"Some weirdo called me fat"

" GUYS I FINALLY GOT A THIGH GAP"

Mid bite into my fifth piece of garlic bread that breaks me.
That girl is 20 and used to weigh more than me. About 350 pounds.
Then she stopped sending pictures of her body in the chat about two months ago now she's beat me in thigh gap world. I bite back my anger and say:

" Congrats! Went from a pig to a lamb !!!"

I sent it and started to feel my eyes water, I went downstairs to the kitchen and made a Tupperware sized bowl of fruit loops, I also took a few of my mom's s'mores quest bars and ate those two.

I checked the time on my phone again 10:47, I see a message from Elizabeth, a body check of her own thigh gap. Subtly she flexing " I'm still skinner than you" without saying it.

As I read that I smile to myself and take another bite of a quest bar. Seeing these girls I know im not one of them , I'm mad at them I hate them. Most of all I hate I want to be one of them. I try and put on a brave face, I try to believe idols like Tess holiday. I try to believe all this body positivity crap but every cheerleader at my school is skinny, there are buff girls like Lee that eat all the time, I weigh more than some off the boys on football teams. I'm named after Katie McGrath and she's Hal my size. Sure "thick" is in but I'm absolutely fat. Sure Tess is a model but all the really popular models are walking sticks.

I crawled under my covers with three of the big Hershey's chocolate bars, and a bowl of vanilla ice cream and cried myself to sleep.