Parker

Chapter 89

"It's not that I ever stopped loving you." Linda said voice dripping with with emotion. "Believe me Parker when I say that I love you so very much."

"You've had a funny way of showing it." Parker laughed bitterly. "You've done nothing but ignore me, push me aside since I was twelve."

"I know."  She said unable to look her son in the eyes. "And I am so sorry."

"I don't want your apology." Parker said with ire in his voice. "I want an explanation. I want to know why..." His voice then broke. "I want to know why abandoned me, why you turned your back on me, why Grahm, your stepson,  was more important to you than your own son." He then felt a rush of resentment towards his stepbrother, how she had been there for him these last few years, a doting on him while ignoring his existence. "Why do you love him more than me?"

"I don't love him more than you." Linda said growing more uncomfortable by the second.

"Yes you do." Parker said angrily. "Did you ever forget his birthday?"

"No." Linda shook her head as she was battered with guilt and shame. "No, I didn't."

"You didn't." Parker's jaw tightened. "You took him to Six Flags for his last birthday and didn't even bother to send me a lousy birthday card." He then sniffed fighting back the tears. I'm not going to cry he told himself. "Not even a happy birthday on Facebook. You and Bradley couldn't even type a three second message to me." His voice broke. "I mean Christine's  dad who dispises me, her brothers who bully me took a moment out of their day to wish me a happy birthday but my own mother couldn't."

"But you could throw him elaborate birthday parties every year."

"Please don't hate, Grahm."

"I don't hate Grahm." Parker said forcefully as the deluge of tears finally broke forth and ran down his cheeks. "I've been jealous of him."  He said as the tears dripped from his cheeks. "I've  envied him because he had my mother's attention but I've never hated him."

Parker then fell silent as he struggled to compose himself. Linda watched in pity as he turned to wipe his eyes.

"I just want to know why." Parker said as he got up and walked to the sink. "Why you could be there for him and your other kids but not me." He then turned on the faucet and washed his face. He grabbed a towel wiped off his face. "I mean you never even stepped foot in my school until the other day when you brought me cookies." Pain was in his voice. "Cookies you wouldn't have made me for me if you hadn't made them for Grahm's party."

A quizzical look crossed his face. "Why did you make me cookies?"

"Because I wanted to do something nice for you." Linda said.

"But you never brought me cookies the other times Grahm or the others had parties." Parker said. "Why this time? What was different?"  One word came into his mind which caused a wave of comprehension to wash over him. "Miranda." He then said. "You found out that dad was dating Miranda and you brought me cookies to pump me for information."

"No." Linda said her voice trembling. "No, that's not true."

"Don't lie to me." He said pained.

"I'm not lying honey."

"Then why?" Parker yelled. "Why did you all of sudden want to do something nice for me."  He stomped his foot into the ground.

"It was me." He heard a young voice say from behind him. He turned to see Grahm standing in the doorway with his backpack over his shoulder. Cutter who had been playing with a bottle cap he discovered in a corner rushed over to greet the newcomer. "I asked her to."

"You did?" Parker said breathing heavily.

"Yes." Grahm said as cutter began to attack his shoe string. "I asked her why she always makes me stuff for my class parties but never for you." He picked up Cutter. "I made her feel bad." A look of guilt flashed across his face. "That's why she did it. I guilted her into doing it."  He looked at Cutter. "Cute kitten." The cat began to purr in his arms as he stroked it.

"Yes, he is." Parker said. "He's mine."

Grahm walked over and handed him Cutter.  "Here." He then took a step back. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you."

"You didn't upset me." Parker took a step forward scratching Cutter's head.
"That was very nice of you and I appreciate it." He stood next to him. "Thank you."

Grahm hesitantly reached out and Parker said "Go ahead."

Grahm began to pet him. "You're welcome."

"It's nice to know someone in this house gives a damn about me." He wiped his eyes again. "Here." He handed Cutter to him. "I need to lie down." He was drained emotionally and felt like he was going to collapse anymoment.

Parker was about to rush out but then stopped and turned. His body began to shake violently "I don't have a room here." His room was at their old house thar his mother sold when she married Grahm's father. "I don't have anywhere to lie down."

Grahm gave him a sympathetic look.
"You can lay down in my room."

"I'll walk you there." Linda said as he got and quickly went to his side. She then walked him out the kitchen.

Cutter wiggled in Grahm's grasp wanting to chase after him. "Calm down." He said petting the kitten. "He'll be back."  Cutter began to purr again.

Linda walked him into the room and Parker fell onto his bed. "I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"It's okay baby." She said as she covered him in a blanket. "I deserved it." She said with remorse in his voice. "I admire your restraint. You could have said much worse."

"I did." Parker said with a force smile. "In my head."

"I can imagine."  She then began to stroke his hair. "Again I'm sorry for ignoring you, for cutting you of my life."

"But why?" Parker asked. "Why did you do it." A thought came to him. "Bradley." He said referring to his stepfather. "Bradley didn't want me around."

"No." She shook her head. "Actually Bradley thought your father didn't want you around us."

"Did he?" Parker asked. "Did dad keep you away?"

"No."

"Well if it wasn't dad and it wasn't Bradley then why." The tired boy said.

"Because I got busy with my new family, having Rory and Hannah and becoming a grandmother I let you fall off my radar." Linda held his hand. "I forgot about you but I promise I won't forget about you again." She squeezed his hand. "Never again. Just give me another chance."

"Okay." He nodded as he drifted off to sleep.

Linda wiped tears from her eyes as shame at her. The front doorbell rang.  She mused that it was the sitter dropping her two younger children. She wanted to go answer the door but found she could not let go of his hand. It was like it was glued to it.

"I'll get it." Grahm called out.

Thank you she thought. And bless you tender hearted boy for giving me the kick in the pants I needed.