"You’re going to spill it all over yourself."
Joshua blinked out of his daze, glancing to his left where Suho stood, his voice pulling Joshua back to reality.
He forced a small smile, his fingers tightening around the coffee cup as he stepped aside to let his colleague through.
"Sorry," he mumbled, feeling a flush of embarrassment crawling up his neck. It was the fourth time this morning, or maybe the whole week—he wasn’t sure anymore.
Ever since Jeonghan asked that question, everything had become a blur. Nothing seemed to hold his focus, nothing but the weight of that question that gnawed at him endlessly.
Are you falling for him?
Joshua exhaled sharply, his grip trembling slightly. Was he? The thought twisted inside him, pulling him into a dark, inescapable spiral.
Did he even deserve him? The thought always lingered, creeping like a shadow at the edges of his heart.
And if he was falling for Seokmin, what would happen when Seokmin realized Joshua wasn’t good enough? What if he grew tired of him?
His mind raced with that constant question, guilt curling around his chest. Seokmin deserved someone better, someone who didn’t carry the same weight Joshua felt every day.
But selfishly, part of him craved Seokmin—wanted to hold onto that warmth for just a little longer, even if it felt like a betrayal to the one person who deserved more than Joshua could give.
Joshua let his gaze drop to the coffee in his hands, the liquid reflecting his conflicted thoughts. Is it worth it?
The blaring sound of his phone shattered the silence, yanking Joshua out of his spiraling thoughts. Still dazed, he fumbled for it, answering without much thought.
"Hello?" His voice came out distant, unfocused.
"Sunshine?"
Joshua’s breath caught in his throat. His body instinctively straightened, his grip tightening around the phone as if it was the only thing keeping him grounded.
He pulled it away from his ear just to confirm, and there it was—Seokmin’s name flashing on the screen. He exhaled sharply, trying to compose himself, forcing the storm of emotions swirling in his chest to settle.
"Hey," he replied softly, almost too softly, as if speaking louder would betray how off balance he felt. He could hear a faint rustling on the other end, the sound of Seokmin moving around.
"What’s wrong?" Seokmin’s voice was low, velvet-smooth, wrapping around Joshua like a safety net. "You sound stressed, Caro."
That voice—Joshua could drown in it, could listen to it forever. He swallowed, trying to push away the tremor in his own voice. "Nothing... I was just… uh, working."
There was a pause, and in the silence, Joshua could almost feel Seokmin’s quiet concern through the phone.
Seokmin didn’t speak right away, and that silence was deafening, almost too knowing, as if he was peeling away the layers Joshua tried so hard to hide.
Joshua bit his lip, his chest tightening with every second Seokmin stayed quiet. He knew Seokmin could see through him, even without being in the same room. He always could.
The silence stretched, thick and suffocating. Joshua’s heartbeat echoed in his ears as he waited for Seokmin’s response, a part of him wanting Seokmin to let it go, to believe the lie he told. But deep down, he knew better.
YOU ARE READING
Arrange Devotion | SS
FanfictionBOOK #2 They say love heals scars, but Seokmin's scars were lessons-bitter reminders that twisted him into a creature of darkness. His life was a series of brutal lessons that shaped him into someone who burns with an unquenchable fire. Protecting...
