Through The Abyss

I HATE YOU

TW: RAPE, PHYSICAL ABUSE

A hand gripped my shoulder, shaking me with an urgency that pulled me out of my sleep. I blinked up at Daniel, the remnants of a dream dissolving into the harsh light of reality. His face loomed over me, etched with a seriousness that made his features almost unrecognizable. His lips curled into a scowl, and his eyes bore into mine with a cold, unforgiving intensity.

Daniel: You need to leave

He said, his voice a low growl that cut through the fog in my mind. I rubbed my eyes, trying to clear the sleep from them, and then ran my hands over my face. Everything felt surreal, like I was still dreaming. The weight of the night before pressed down on me, but I couldn't muster the energy to care about his sudden urgency.

Daniel: Elodie, did you hear me? Get out of my apartment

He repeated, his tone even more serious, if that was possible. I sat up slowly, letting the blanket fall away from my bare shoulders. The cool air pricked my skin, but I didn't shiver. I just looked at him, taking in the hard lines of his face, the tension in his jaw. It was almost amusing, this performance of his. After the night we'd had, I'd expected nothing less.

Elodie: Are you serious right now?

I asked, my voice calm, almost bored. He didn't answer, just stood there with that same grim expression, as if he were some kind of tragic hero in a story only he understood. A spark of anger flared inside me, cutting through the haze of sleep. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood up, closing the distance between us in a few quick steps.

Elodie: Is she coming here?

I asked, my voice trembling with barely suppressed rage.

Elodie: That's why you want me to leave?

His silence was answer enough. The tension crackled between us, heavy and suffocating. He raised an eyebrow, before shaking his head and walking past me.

Daniel: I knew this would fucking happen. You don't fucking understand-

Elodie: Do you love her more than me?

I turned to him, my voice was surprisingly as calm and as still as could be. And as much as I felt like crying and throwing a fit, I couldn't bring myself to it. I was rage-filled. At him, At her and at myself for being so stupid.

Daniel: You're fucking overreacting. I don't wanna argue with you today

Overreacting. That was what did it for me. My vision blurred for a moment and my brain felt deflated, dead. I lunged forward, grabbing the phone from his hand before he could react.

Daniel: What the fuck are you doing Elodie?!

He yelled, taking a threatening step forward. In a fit of rage, I threw the phone against the wall, watching it shatter into pieces. The crash echoed through the room, and for a moment, there was only silence. Then Daniel's face twisted with anger, and he stepped towards me, his eyes blazing.

Daniel: Are you crazy?! Fucking bitch

His palm had already imprinted itself onto my cheek before I could move out of the way. The power of the slap had me falling to the ground with a thud and grasping my cheek. Daniel's eyes glazed over my helpless body in the ground, looking detached and emotionless. He forced me to stand by pulling at my hair.

Daniel: What the fuck do you want from me, bitch. Want me to love you? That'll never fucking happen. You hear me?!

His grip on my hair tightened, as his face twisted into an anger I've only ever seen once before. My heart broke at the sight and before I could stop myself, The tears fell. It was the first time in 11 years, I've felt fear as great as this in my life. He spat in my face, before slamming me against the nearest wall there was.

Daniel: No. NO DON'T FUCKING CRY NOW BITCH

He slapped me again and again and again.

Daniel: No one wants the broken girl. Imbed that shit into your brain bitch

Elodie: I-I'm sorry

I managed to whisper. He slapped me again, before digging his nails into my cheeks. An involuntary yelp left my lips, as the tears continued to fall. I tried to make it stop. I tried not to cry. But it fell nonetheless.

Before I knew it, Daniel was dragging me to the bed. I watched as he pulled down his pants. I watched as he climbed on top of me. I watched as he pulled my panties to the side. I watched and I did nothing to defend myself. I let him spit in my face. I let him fuck me painfully. I let him pull at my hair until I had a bald spot. I let him devalue me as a woman.

Elodie: I hate you

Daniel: Good

He stared at me for a while, but I refused to meet his eyes. I stared up at the ceiling instead.

Daniel: I'm giving you five minutes to get the fuck out

He left the room, while I sat on the bed, mostly thinking of death. I wished he had killed me. This was too much. The everlasting pain I had been bearing from the young age of 6 to now, 17 was enough to go insane.

I should've never snuck out of the Walters' home that night. I should've just allowed Carlos to assault me. Maybe if I had done that, I would've never met Daniel. I wouldn't be going through this shit. All those years of beatings and bruises, verbal abuse, lying, manipulating, abortions, I stayed. I stayed while he broke every single piece of sanity I had left. My entire world revolved around that man, I did everything he asked me to, I tried to please him in every which way possible. He made me lose myself, but to be fair I hadn't been myself since the night my mother died. I don't even know what being 'myself' is. I don't even know me.

With each second that passed, I could feel my blood boiling and my head ticking. My chest heaved, as I found it harder to breathe and my eyes shut clothes as the ticking in my head turned into a painful pounding. Suddenly, everything stopped. My breathing was even and the pounding in my head had stopped as a small voice whispered "Kill that motherfucker"