Through The Abyss

YOU DON'T LOVE YOU

As I sat across from the therapist, face waxed and arms crossed against my chest, I observed her. She had a small smile on her face as she introduced herself and explained the process of our sessions. I think she knew how much I hated being here, because her smile dropped slightly but not entirely.

Dr. Harrison: Wanna tell me how you're feeling today?

I don't respond, continuing to stare at her. She sighs, before placing her pen and notebook onto the desk.

Dr. Harrison: Therapy can seem unnecessary at first. But sometimes it helps to talk about what's going on in your life.

So you can report everything back to Kristen? Not a fucking chance. She leans back into her chair and squints her eyes at me.

Dr. Harrison: I guess I'm going to have to make my own judgment of you. Those eyes tell me that whatever's going on is eating you alive, tearing you apart. I can tell you put on this 'I don't need help' facade, but your body language screams the exact opposite. I think that you think you're all alone in this world, but you're not. There's a wonderful family fostering you and they care enough to get you the help you need. You have all the support you need, so use it. Stop trying to put on this brave facade and let your loved ones help you.

My fists clenched at her words and my eyes dropped to the ground as tears filled them.

Dr. Harrison: Do you love yourself? I don't think you do. Suffering in silence won't help you Elodie, you need to speak about it, yell about it, scream about it, cry about it.

As much as I forced the tears not to fall, they did.

Dr. Harrison: Let them fall. Every tear is a journey towards healing.

I hated the therapy session. Although I refused to talk about my feelings or whatever, I cried. And I hate crying. She offered me tissues while I sniffled in front of her. Kristen could tell I wasn't in the mood to go shopping, so she rescheduled to tomorrow and she drove to the house.

Kristen: How was your day beside the session?

I shrug. Everything felt the same. Sad and draining

Elodie: It was okay

Kristen nodded

Kristen: Should I call Penn over? Maybe she can cheer you up

I shake my head

Elodie: I don't want to bother her

Kristen: Okay...How about Pizza, I can order three boxes for dinner?

Okay, she got me there

Elodie: Yes, thank you

Kristen: It's never a problem, Elodie. Anything you want, tell me

I nod, staring out of the window. I've never had someone tell me that before and it made me feel a bit sad.

Kristen: Is pepperoni good?

Elodie: Uh I-I actually like hawaiian

What the fuck was that? I never stutter

Kristen: Okay love

She called the restaurant as she pulled into the garage.

The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to apologize to Elijah. He came home a couple minutes after Kristen and I and went up to his room immediately. As I was about to follow him, the front door opened and in came Penn.

My head snapped to Kristen, who sent me an excited smile. I didn't want to see Penn today. Call me childish or immature, but I was mad at her. After not seeing her at school today with no mention of her skipping, I felt some kind of way about it.