Through The Abyss

MONDAY BLUES

I always knew I was a bad person. I've been bad since I was a child, really. When I stole candy from the local shop or cried to get my way or when I lied to my parents that one of my caretakers stole money from them just for the fun of it. I progressively got worse after my parents died. I lied more frequently, was extremely bitchy to girls I went to school with, stole a few boyfriends here and there, especially when Daniel and I were on breaks, maybe just maybe I stole from a few guys at the club. I didn't think much of it, I still don't. Because I don't care about those people. I don't care about Elijah either to be honest, but I can recognize when I've gone too far.

Honestly, that weekend was a blur. I couldn't tell you why, how or when. I knew I had to apologize, but shame had grasped me so tightly, that I could barely look at him. I could barely look at my reflection in the mirror. I haven't looked this horrible in years. My eyes were puffy and bloodshot from crying, the 'haircut' I gave myself last night could've been way better and let's not forget the bruises and swelling from Daniel. I honestly looked like a fucking psycho.

Nonetheless, I had to be okay so I washed my face, brushed my teeth and took a shower. Today was Monday, which meant school and my first ever therapy session. Fuck my life.

As much as I always hated on girls who go to school with a bonnet on, there was no way in hell that I would go to school baldheaded. I paired the bonnet with some sweats, despite the hot weather and made my way downstairs to the kitchen.

Elodie: Morning

Gabriel: Good morning, Elodie

As soon as Kristen lifted her head to look at me and to respond, her brows furrowed.

Kristen: Morning. Everything okay?

I nod, sitting next to Gabriel and picking up my fork to eat.

Kristen: Don't forget to say grace

Give me a break. I put the fork down and quickly abided by her rules. She nodded in approval before getting abc to whatever she was typing on her laptop.

Kristen: And what's with the bonnet?

Elodie: I didn't feel like doing my hair today

Kristen: You could've asked me to do it for you, I wouldn't mind. Never be afraid to ask for help, okay Elodie?

I nod, focusing on the food in front me rather than whatever it is she was telling me.

Gabriel: I'm off to work. Love you

He planted a kiss on Kristen's forehead and then another one on her lips, making me shiver with disgust. He then looked at me and patted my back

Gabriel: Have fun at school and stay out of trouble kid

Elodie: I will Gabriel

Gabriel: Good. I'll see you guys later

Kristen: See you later, my love

He left, leaving Kristen and I alone.

Kristen: Elijah will be dropping you off to school today and I'll pick you up so that we can go to the therapy session together. Sounds good?

Elodie: Yeah

It didn't sound good actually. Knowing I had to be alone with Elijah made me feel sick. This was the first time I was feeling whatever this was. I usually held my head high and stood on whatever I did or said, but damn.

Kristen: I was also thinking we could do some shopping afterwards. If you want to

Elodie: Only if you're paying

Kristen laughed, rubbing her temple softly

Kristen: I'll take that as a yes

I send her a small smile, not wanting the interaction to be awkward. After a few more bites of my breakfast, I heard loud steps trailing down the stairs before I heard his voice.

Elijah: Morning

Kristen: Is that how you greet your mother?

A smile played on his lips as he kissed his mother's cheek, causing her to in turn smile up at him.

Elijah: Good morning, mom. Better?

Kristen: Much better

His smile only lasted a few seconds before he casted a glance over me.

Elijah: Ready to leave?

I nod, putting the dirty dishes away

Elodie: Yeah. See you later Kristen

Kristen: Bye my loves. Drive safely, Elijah

Elijah: Yeah

She waved us goodbye as we entered his vehicle. Kill me now. Like no. Please. Please. Please. Silence had engulfed us almost immediately as he began driving to the school. I felt extremely uncomfortable as many thoughts ran through my head. I should apologize, shouldn't i? Would he want to accept my apology though? I'm so fucking stupid. So so stupid.

I felt like such an asshole. And for what? A man who beat the shit out of me.

After that hell of a ride, Elijah had finally parked in front of the highschool. Should I say thanks? Fuck I probably should.

Elodie: Thank you

He nodded, without looking at me and I scoffed. Asshat. I slam his car door and walk into the school, straight to my locker. First class; Biology. Let's get through this shit.

After my fourth class; Philosophy, the urge to skip the rest of the classes itched more than ever, especially as I hadn't seen Penn for the entire day AND the constant whispers and stares I got. I was so over it. I felt like snapping at everyone. I had two more classes, Accounts and Geography, before I could leave. Yay me.

As I sat on the bench where Penn and I usually ate lunch, a feeling of sadness washed over me. I had no idea why. It was as if a dam had burst inside me, and all the emotions I'd been trying to hold back came rushing in, overwhelming me. The weight of everything happening in my life pressed down on me, and despite my efforts to appear okay, I knew I was far from it.

The gentle breeze did little to soothe me as I sat there, alone with my thoughts. The bench felt colder and lonelier without Penn by my side. I missed her presence, her way of making everything seem bearable. I tried to keep the tears at bay, but it was no use. They started to fall, one by one, until I was quietly sobbing, my shoulders shaking with each breath.

I didn't even know why I was crying. It was like everything had become too much, and I had no choice but to let it out.

As I sat there, crying on the bench, I realized how lost I felt. How much I needed to let out all the pain I'd been bottling up. I didn't know how long I sat there, but eventually, the bell rang, indicating class was about to start.