Ugly. Ugly. Hmm mid. Oh she's pretty. Like really pretty. Eh, not bad. Ugly. Ugly. Ug-
??: Elodie? Did you hear me?
No bitch, I didn't. Fuck. Instead, I sent the blonde a small shake of my head.
??: Well because you're new, we think it's best to introduce ourselves to you and then you to us.
I nod, showing that I understand
??: I'll start first. I'm Vivienne, but everyone calls me viv. I'm the leader of the teens bible study group and I'm excited to get to know you.
I sent her a small smile, before the next person began talking. To be frank, I really didn't give a fuck who these people were and how excited they were about me joining this group. After the introductions, it was my turn. So, with a tight-lipped smile and sweet voice, I said....
Elodie: I'm Elodie, nice to meet everyone
Vivienne nodded with a smile of her own, before instructing everyone to join hands for an opening prayer. And of course I had to join hands with the weirdo next to me. God if you are real, please let this end as fast as it started.
It in fact didn't end as fast as it began. The hour felt like 60 minutes and by the end of it, my throat was dry, butt cramped and head pounding. As I was about to retreat to my room, Vivienne pulled me aside.
Vivienne: I just wanted to say how excited I am that you're here, It's rare to see teens show interest in their Christianity.
Surprisingly she pulled me into a hug, making me freeze up.
Elodie: Don't touch me
She instantly pulled away, a frown on her lips
Vivienne: Oh I'm so sorry. I always need to remind myself that not everyone is as touchy as me. I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable.
Elodie: I'm fine
Vivienne: Good, Okay. So I'll see you next week
I nod, as she begins to leave. But to my misfortune, she turned back to me with her phone extended.
Vivienne: So I can add you to the group chat
I quickly put in my number, wanting her to leave as soon as possible
Vivienne: Bye Elodie
She waved excitedly
Elodie: Bye Vivienne
I breathed out in relief and made my way up the stairs again, BUT was stopped again. The weirdo that was sat next to me. His greasy unruly hair sat on his forehead and his lips turned up into a smile.
Elodie: What the fuck do you want?
I was irritated at this point. So close to crashing out
Victor: I-I he-heard you're a sm-smoker like me a-and wanted t-to g-give you s-some green
My ears perked at the sentence and my stance got straighter as I examined him. Is this some kind of test Kristine set up?
Elodie: You're a smoker?
I raised an eyebrow and crossed my arms around my chest as I took in his hunched back figure.
Elodie: Get the fuck out of my face
He quickly pulled out the clear bag of weed, secretly pushing it into my hands.
Victor: H-Here
I looked down at the bag, before meeting his eyes again.
Elodie: If I get in trouble, you're dead
Victor: I....I was hoping to get something in return
Elodie: What?
Victor gulped and I mean seriously gulped. I almost laughed to be honest, how pathetic.
Victor: Maybe a-a n-night with you
I immediately facepalm him as hard as I could, making him stumble back.
Elodie: I would never. Weird ass bitch
Instead of going to my room, like what I initially wanted, I decided the backyard wouldn't be so bad to smoke. I walked all the way to the swing that was situated underneath a large fruit tree. I quickly roll up and light the blunt.
Fuck I needed this.
The first puff hits me gently, a soft whisper that begins to ease the tension in my shoulders. I take another, deeper this time, and feel the smoke fill my lungs, warm and comforting. The world around me starts to blur at the edges, the harsh lines of reality softening into something more bearable.
Each inhalation pulls me further away from the chaos of my mind. The worries, the arguments, the ceaseless noise—they all fade into the background, replaced by a mellow, floating sensation that wraps around me like a warm blanket. I lean back on the swing, letting it sway gently.
I love this feeling. It's like sinking into a warm bath, each puff taking me deeper into a state of blissful relaxation. I close my eyes and let the swing rock me, feeling the gentle breeze on my face, the rustle of leaves above me.
The soft rustling of the grass beneath me was what beckoned my eyes to snap open. Staring back at me was Elijah. He looked at me for a while, making me uncomfortable and a bit scared that he would snitch on me to his parents.
Just as I was about to curse him out for staring at me, he shook his head and turned to leave.
Elodie: Wait
He stopped in his tracks. Why the hell did I even say that?
Elodie: What's your issue with me?
And why in the fuck do I even care? When he didn't respond, I continued
Elodie: Is it because I talked bad about you with Penn? Cause that's a bit petty
He scoffed, before turning towards me
Elijah: Are you so fucking shallow-
Elodie: Excuse me-
Elijah: That you don't remember telling your boyfriend I touched you and getting him to pull out his gun on me?
As realization hit me, my eyes slightly widened. Fuck, I did do that didn't I?
Elijah: I don't have an issue with you, Elodie. You're just fucking disgusting
And with that he left, leaving me alone to take in what he said. The moment Elijah's words hit me, a wave of intense sadness crashed over me, drowning out everything else. Tears streamed down my face, hot and unrelenting. I couldn't stop thinking about what he had said, how deeply I had hurt him, and how utterly disgusted I was with myself.
Elodie: I am disgusting
I kept repeating, each repetition driving the knife of self-hate deeper. I flung my blunt into the bushes and stormed into my room, the walls closing in on me as I collapsed onto my bed. My screams were muffled by the pillow, raw and desperate. I pulled at my hair until my scalp throbbed, the physical pain barely a distraction from the agony tearing through me. How had I forgotten?
In a fit of desperation and overstimulation, I grabbed a pair of scissors. My hands shook as I began to cut off my hair, watching the strands fall around me. It felt like the only way to rid myself of the person I had become, to somehow atone for my actions.
YOU ARE READING
Through The Abyss
RomantizmElodie's life has been marked by trauma, abuse, and silence. From the devastating loss of her mother to the exploitation by her father and later her boyfriend Daniel, Elodie has learned to navigate the darkness by numbing herself with drugs and self...
