𝐁eyond the Lens - b.e

62 -

Billie – Shadows of the Past

Night had fallen for a while, but Billie still couldn't find sleep. The start of her European tour was fast approaching, but for now, she was still in that waiting phase. Each day was filled with rehearsals, technical adjustments, and meetings. It was a rhythm she knew well, a routine she had followed for several years. But this time, everything felt different, heavier.

That evening, she had left the rehearsal studios a bit earlier than planned, seeking the solitude she could never find in the big cities. She climbed up to the roof of an old building, overlooking the city where she and her team had set up to prepare the final details of the tour. The city below was just a blur of lights in the dark. The cool night air seeped into her jacket, bringing her back to her thoughts.

Ellie. For weeks, her mind had been returning to her. Even during her moments of focus in the studios, rehearsing her songs, she kept replaying the last moments they had shared, trying to understand what had gone wrong.

It was the fear of losing again, once more. She was used to it. Too many people had drifted away, either abruptly or gently, but always with that bitter feeling of abandonment.

She hugged her knees to her chest, resting her chin on her crossed arms. All of this reminded her of other moments, other faces that had gradually faded from her life. And that dull fear rising within her, the dread that another person she loved would eventually drift away, leaving her powerless to stop it. It felt like walking a fragile line, on the edge of a precipice. One misstep, one word too many, and everything could collapse.

Memories of nights when she felt completely alone, even surrounded by those she loved, came flooding back. It was like that feeling of emptiness that had consumed her during times when she should have been happy. It was strange how the mind could bounce back and forth between past and present moments.

Everything had been going so well with Ellie, but in those final moments, she had pulled away, as if she could no longer bear to stay. Why? That question looped endlessly, unanswered. What if Ellie had decided to cut ties for good? What if Billie had once again failed to keep someone close to her?

She was so absorbed in her thoughts that she didn't hear the footsteps behind her. It was only when a hand gently rested on her shoulder that she jumped slightly, opening her eyes.

"Hey Bill, have you been up here long?"

It was Finneas. His voice was soft and soothing, as always. He sat down beside her without waiting for a response. He knew his sister better than anyone else. He understood that sometimes she just needed space, a moment to be alone. But he also knew when her solitude became too heavy to bear.

Billie didn't respond right away, allowing silence to settle between them. Finneas didn't push. He simply waited, respecting her pace.

Finally, she murmured, "I've been thinking about Ellie."

Finneas nodded, as if he understood immediately. "Do you think she's really pulled away for good?"

She remained silent for a moment, her gaze fixed on the city below. "I don't know... Maybe. She left without saying anything, without a word..."

Another silence followed. The wind lightly tousled Billie's hair, but she remained still. Finneas watched her, searching for the right words. Billie always had this tendency to close off, to blame herself for things that often weren't her fault.

"Do you still think it's because of you?" he asked gently.

She shrugged. "I don't know, I'm just thinking about her absence."

Finneas looked at her for a moment, deep in thought. "Maybe she just needs more time, it happens, you know."

Finneas sighed slightly and draped his arm around her shoulders, as if to remind her that he was there. "You're not losing her, Billie, I'm sure of it."

Silence fell between them again. Billie found it hard to believe those words.

Suddenly, Finneas pulled out his phone, distracted by a notification. He frowned as he read it.

Billie, still lost in her thoughts, barely noticed the movement. "Who is it?" she asked absently.

He hesitated for a fraction of a second, his thumb hovering over the screen, before sliding his phone into his pocket with a small smirk. "Nothing important," he said lightly.

Billie glanced at him briefly, suspecting he was hiding something, but she didn't have the energy to press him. She simply rested her head against his shoulder, hoping that the silence would be enough to calm the whirlwind of emotions inside her.

Finneas, however, knew it wasn't "nothing." It was a message from Ellie, a message that could change everything. But for now, he preferred to keep that to himself. Billie still had a little time to process her feelings, he wanted to hold onto that small glimmer of hope for later.