Meant To Be: A Christian Romance

38| making amends

HOLDEN'S POV:

"I have something to tell you," I said, finally. It was about time I tell him I've been going to church with Heather and not to mention that I have gotten baptized. In little words, that I've given my life to God. Mostly I just want to clean the air between the both of us. If I was doing this with God then that meant not holding any grudges towards people, especially my family. He was the only family I had. For now.

In the future, if God had it in His will then maybe Heather could be part of this family too.

His attention lifted from his plate and slowly chewed before nodding. "What is it?" he cleared his throat, the fork in hand, tapping against the plate in annoying screeches. As much as he wanted to look unfazed I knew there was a nudge of alarm in him. 

"Do you remember when Heather mentioned going to church?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"Well I've been going with her..." As soon as the words left my mouth he stopped chewing. "And I got baptized too a few nights ago." Now I was the one who picked up my fork and started to eat meanwhile I gave him the time to take it all in. I glanced over after a second and noticed he was gazing blankly at his empty plate.

"I figured," he finally said and then looked up at me. "How did it happen...or start?" He busied himself by wiping his hands. 

"Heather has really changed my life, dad." Instead of directly answering his question I answered vaguely in hopes he knew where I was going with this. "She made me really see Him just like mom did. I know, at least for me I never felt it when my mom went to church and all but now...it's different." I paused, watching as he looked me over slowly. If I'd say it looked like he didn't recognize me. "And this is also why I want to clear the air with you." He remained silent, still in his seat, saying nothing for a few long seconds so I found that as my sign he was waiting to what I had to say. "I'm sorry for holding a grudge on you for these past years." I breathed out a breath. "I know loosing mom really weighted on us hard. It still weighs hard sometimes. I guess...I was only trying to find somebody to blame for to deal with the pain and grief, but as I realize it more and more I realize it was nobody's fault."

Again he was quiet for a long minute, watching me and then he started to nod his head gently. "I'm sorry too, Holden. I can't fathom the amount of grief and pain that still comes when I think of your mom. When I-" He stopped short on his sentence.  "When I saw you with that bible in your hand it immediately reminded me of her. It reminded me of her late nights when she stayed up to read. I just know that if she would be here she wouldn't want the both of us to act this way with each other, so... I also want to apologize. And sorry I wasn't the first one to do it." I swallowed immediately as I started to feel the lump on my throat grow.

"It's fine, dad." I cleared my throat for the second time. "The both of us were just too prideful which I will no longer be accepting in my life. Both of us should change that."

He smiled. "I'm glad this Heather came into your life. She seems like a nice girl." For the first time in a couple years I see his brow raise in amusement that looks like surprise too. I was suddenly brought back a few years ago when he used to do that a little too often. 

"She is."

"It seems. How has... going to church been?" He looked hesitant to ask. It seemed it was still a wound that wasn't fully healed yet. The whole idea of church still reminded him of mom. Luckily, I've been out out of that loophole. To me it wasn't much of a problem more of a good memory of her. In a way I felt close to her. 

"It's been great. Amazing, actually. I'm hoping you'll attend in the future. No pressure. Just know the invitation is always open to you." I assured him in the way I remember Heather telling me before.

He sighed, glancing at me then at the table. "I don't know," he said. "It's hard."

"I know it is. It was the same thing for me when Heather told me to attend. I even told her no the first time. I told her 'church isn't my thing' which I now realize was a foolish thing to say. I gave it a chance after Heather prayed over me one night and I felt a strong presence. It was an indescribable feeling that changed my life. This is why I think we should do this together." I grinned. "Mom would want that and I know the man above would love that." I spoke, sincereness laced in my voice. I was glad I'd gotten the courage to offer it to him. I didn't know why and how these words came to me but they did. If Heather was here she'd probably say it was the Holy Sprit.

 I loved that girl so much.

"I'll think about it, son." Son, he said. He hasn't called me that in years since my mom was here. 

"Yeah. Don't sweat it." I nodded once and gave him a brief smile. "We're good?" I asked for confirmation and he chuckled, standing up from his chair.

"'Course we are. Come 'ere." He widened his arms in invitation. I thought over my next move and eventually stood up and gave him the hug he was waiting for in which he returned aggressively by giving harsh taps in the back. This was certainly a hug I wasn't expecting to receive today.

Who would've know a simple 'sorry' would resolve a feud that lasted four years? Surely, I didn't.