You Deserve Better (Osamu Dazai x Reader)

Chapter 43: Someday My Prince Will Come

Scrub, scrub, scrub. That's all I ever do now.

As I sat on the red carpet, I scrubbed the grime off of the giant stained-glass window. To occupy my loneliness, I hummed a melodic song, copying the birds that I heard outside.

Wait, since when do I have a stained-glass window?

"Less singing and more cleaning, (Y/n)."

I looked behind me to see my stepfather, Mori, who took me in when my parents had died.

"Sorry, sir." Wait, why is Mori here and why am I calling him sir?

"Sorry won't cut it, my dear." The black-haired man slapped my face with the back of his hand. "My magic mirror told me that you had the capability to usurp me one day. I can't just idly sit around and let that happen, since I alone am the sole king of Yokohama."

"What's that supposed to mean-"

The older male harshly gripped my (h/l) (h/c) hair, causing me to wince in pain. He held my face next to his, before pulling his lips upwards in a sinister smile. "I'm going to give you an opportunity to live, since I am such a nice person. Run into the woods now, and I'll give you five minutes to hide from my assassins. Chances are, you'll die, but there's still a small chance to survive."

"But, Mori-"

"Run now, child... or die!"

Startled, I picked up the skirt of my blue and yellow dress, before dashing into the woods. Blue and yellow- are you kidding me. Did I get trapped in one of Poe's novels?

***

My breath was heavy, as my head spun. What the hell did I do to Mori? It's not like I betrayed the Mafia in this world.

*BANG*

"AHH!"

I wasn't hit, but the loud noise of a shotgun startled me enough to make me fall. As I heavily panted, I turned back to my attacker. This must be one of the mercenaries that Mori mentioned.

The ginger haired man stepped forward, placing the barrel to my head. Chuuya?! Wait, if he has a shotgun, then that must mean that I don't have my ability here. Closing my eyes in fear, I waited for the bang, though it never came.

"I'm not going to kill you," Chuuya sighed.

"But, why?"

"You're just a kid. Run away and live your life."

I nodded at the man, thanking him, before continuing my run into the woods. This is weird as hell.

***

After a good hike, I found a small cottage in the middle of nowhere. If Mori is the off-brand Evil Queen and Chuuya is one of his men, then who are the dwarves?

When I tell you that this house was disgusting, I wasn't exaggerating. Half eaten meals covered the floors, dust and cobwebs littered the walls, piled plates molded in the brown sink. Seven people here and it looks like a pigsty.

Sighing, I decided to clean the dump I found. I think I already have a good clue about who the dwarves are.

***

"Heigh-ho. Heigh-ho. It's home from work we go."

The singing from various voices emanated from outside the window, as I finished stacking the dry dishes.

I watched as the door opened, revealing seven smaller people. Yup, just as I predicted. Atsushi was Dopey, Kyoka was Bashful, President Fukuzawa was Doc, Kunikida was Grumpy, Junichiro was Sneezy, Ranpo was Sleepy, Kenji was Happy, and Yosano... What is Yosano? That doesn't make much sense. Also, where's Osamu?

"Who the hell are you?!" Kunikida/Grumpy shouted at me.

"I'm sure she has an *achoo* a good reason to be here." Junichiro/Sneezy wiped his nose with his sleeve.

So, they don't know me, like they do in the real world.

"I'm sorry." I bowed. Might as well go along with the story. "The king was trying to have me killed, so I ran out of the kingdom and found this place. I felt bad for intruding when no one was home, so I thought that you might let me stay if I helped you guys around the house."

"I think that compromise is doable," the President/Doc nodded.

Kyoka/Bashful walked over to me, tugging on my sleeve. "Miss, do you know how to make mapo tofu?"

***

Several days have elapsed, during which I have earned the trust and friendship of the dwarves. Each day, I observed from the window as they sang their song.

"Heigh-ho. Heigh-ho. It's off to work we go."

I'm alone again. Time to clean. I grabbed the broom, beginning to sweep the hardwood floor. Honestly, I'm feeling more like Cinderella than Snow White right now-

My train of thoughts were stopped by a figure in the window. Nah, this ain't real. Mori was wearing a cheap-looking grandma wig and a black cloak.

He didn't even use magic to make himself look different! What is his magic mirror even good for?

"Hello, dear." He attempted to speak like an old lady, although it was obvious that he was faking the accent. "I have a lovely apple-"

"Is it poisoned?" I intervened, taking a look into his basket. Inside was a handful of red apples, and a singular slime-green, waxy apple that just happened to rest on top of the rest.

"What?" He sweat dropped, still keeping the voice up. "Why would I-"

Taking the apple out of his basket, I took a bite. "Oh yeah. Love the poison. What kind did you use, Arsenic?" The 'old lady' gave me a bewildered stare, telling me that my guess was wrong. "Rat poison?"

Mori abandoned his old lady impersonation, reverting to his normal voice. "If you knew it was poisoned, then why did you eat it?"

"So a 5'11" brunette prince can kiss me in my sleep."

"...So, you willingly took a poisoned apple from an old lady for a guy?"

"Well, I saw through your shitty disguise in the first place, but yes." I shrugged my shoulders. "And?"

"You see nothing wrong with that?"

"Nope."

Before long, my vision grew hazy, and I collapsed to the floor.

Delusions, here I come!

***

After a warm sensation on my lips, my eyes fluttered open, meeting Osamu's. He was dressed up like Prince Charming, wearing mostly blue and white. He's so handsome.

I smiled, as the brunette picked me up, bridal style, from the glass case I slept in. "Took you long enough." 

"You were expecting me?" Osamu tilted his head. "But we've never met before."

"Well, we have now."

The distance between our faces began to close, as Osamu leaned in. I closed my eyes, ready for the kiss I wanted for the past four years. Spoiler: it never came.

Opening my eyes back up, I saw the familiar walls of my room. So, it was just a dream. Sighing, I sat up, rubbing my eyes.

"Someone partied a little too hard last night," Osamu giggled, as he laid his hand on my head.

"What?"

"You and Yosano had a drinking contest," the brunette explained. "Let's just say I had to carry you home."

"Wow, that's embarrassing."

Oh well. I'll get over the kiss thing. Not now, but someday, when my dreams come true.