A Nagas tale

A mothers struggle

The next day, I am forced to oversee the repairs in Zeras. The trip to the port city is not short, but Audrey assures me she can handle the girls on her own. I did not want to leave her behind but outside the cave, it was still dangerous with the unsettled earth and the random stragglers. I gave her one final big hug and kiss before heading out. I look over at the girls as they sleep soundly. 'I hope they do not give their mother any problems.' I leave the cave quickly wanting to get this done. The trip to Zeras took a lot longer since my team and I needed to go on foot a part of the way out of the village. The walk alone took nearly the entire day. Luckily for us, the wagons were waiting just past the roadblock. The ride to Zeras was quicker and we got there by daybreak the next day. I sent my team out to help with any clean-up that needs to be done. Leo and Idris took care of splitting the teams into different tasks. I followed Yuri and Troy who had stayed back to help. 

The first day was easy since the girls did not make much of a fuss. I made sure not to miss their meals and change their diapers with time. After which I was finally able to clean up the library. The next day Dad brought me some food and helped me clean up the library. Tabitha was the fussiest one in the pair but I managed to keep her calm rocking her in my arms carefully while I kept up the cleaning. "Have you been able to adjust to looking after the girls?" Dad asks. I knew he thought I was incapable of looking after them since they always threw fits with me. I frown "I have learned from Kogen how to make sure they don't throw too many fits." I answer. He chuckles "It's amazing that terrifying man knows more about child care than you." Dad's statement stung a bit. I frown "Well, I've never taken care of any children and I was never shown proper care." I bite at him. He steps back nervously. "I... I can see what you mean." He stops his judging. I turn back to Tabitha who is calming down a little bit. Astrid flared her aura looking for Kogen as she usually did. I frown seeing her nose scrunch up. She starts whining in fear more than a fit. I set Tabitha down and picked Astrid up "It's okay honey momma is here." I coo trying to keep her calm. I managed to stave off the fits for the first three days by talking with them and keeping them wrapped in a blanket that carried Kogen's scent. His scent appeased them for a day. I wake up on the fourth day to Tabitha bawling her eyes out. I quickly checked her diaper since it was an hour before their feeding time. She was dry I picked her up thinking maybe she wanted to stretch her arms and legs but her crying only grew louder. Her loud sobbing woke Astrid who flared her aura again looking for Kogen for comfort. I panic holding Tabitha against my shoulder I pick up Astrid as she starts crying loudly. I carefully rock the girls hoping they would calm down. "It's okay momma is here," I whispered as their cries filled my chest with panic. My mind raced with the anxiety of being found. 'Shhh... Don't cry... Shh... If I cry I'll get a beating.' I close my eyes and take a deep breath. 'it's okay... I am safe.' I remind myself. I start walking around the library hoping this will help. After an hour their cries are both filled with fear and hunger. I sat in bed with all of the pillows that still carried Kogen's scent. Astrid did not reject the tit quickly calming down once the taste of milk touched her tongue. I carefully pat Tabitha's stomach trying my best to calm her fit. She is not having my attempts her cries growing into frustrated screams. I look at Astrid who put her hand on my chest. I look at her startled. She pats my chest as if trying to calm me down. I sigh turning to Tabitha who is still losing her mind. Once Astrid was done I lay her face down on a fluffy pillow to burp while I fed Tabitha. Tabitha refused the tit a few times insisting on screaming her lunges out. I felt frustration start to build in my chest. "Tabby please, I know you are hungry," I whisper letting a drop of milk hit her mouth. She quickly latched onto the tit after the fifth try. The rest of the day they would only stop crying to sleep which lasted only in 30-minute intervals. I wanted to help Kogen catch up on all of the backlogged reports. That plan was thrown out the window with how the upset twins. At night they seem to get worse waking up every 20 minutes. On the fifth day, I felt tired but the girls had tired themselves out from all of their fits despite my attempt to calm them down. I tried walking around the library, talking with them, bargaining with them, humming lullabies, but nothing worked. I lay in bed with Tabitha and Astrid unhappily sleeping off their fits. I watch them worried that all of their crying would hurt their throats. 'I need to call for Livy.' I sit up reaching for the spell book. I stopped seeing how I had no aura and the spell requires aura. I frowned feeling like I was going to cry myself. I look at the time seeing it's almost time for the girls to eat. I start fixing up the pillows for me to sit against. Tabitha is the first to wake up with an unhappy pout. I quickly pick her up and offer my tit to the grumpy little girl. She does not fight me this time and takes her time eating. I look at Astrid who is awake her blind eyes looking at nothing in particular. She flares her aura as she's done for the past few days looking for her father. She kicks her legs in frustration before pouting. I look at Tabitha who is still eating. I start humming to Astrid hoping that would help. She starts whining wiggling in her place. I flinch when Tabitha scratches my chest. I look at her startled 'Ah, she tossed her glove.' I look for the glove on the bed with my eyes. She starts flexing her hand scratching me in the process. Astrid starts crying in frustration. I can hear her voice becoming hoarse from all of her crying. I look at Tabitha who is still eating without much rush. I grab a pillow and stuff it under Tabitha. I quickly pick Astrid up and help her latch onto my tit. This stopped her crying but annoyed Tabitha. She starts kicking her leg not wanting Astrid to eat while she ate. I frown holding her legs carefully so she would not hit Astrid. "Tabby, There is enough milk for both of you." I murmur just wanting them to stop crying. Dad came by that afternoon "Why are they crying!?" he walks into the room where I've created a makeshift rattled with some cloth and a few pebbles from the ground. At this point I've tried reading to them, talking with them, and humming. I have walked around the library 4 times but they refused to stop crying. They would start falling asleep in my arms but as soon as I put them down they would start crying again. I feel so overwhelmed with how ineffective my efforts have been. "Audrey, how can you let them keep crying." he reaches for Tabitha who quickly flares her aura before screaming in protest. I shove him away "Dad! If you aren't going to give me any tips! I suggest you leave!" I bark at him already tired from the girls not needing his judgmental words. 'If my aura recovered they would be such angels.' My mind starts spiraling again. 'If I had my aura, my babies would recognize me.' I felt upset with how my aura was not recovering. Dad did not argue with me leaving the tray of food before leaving. I spent the entire day trying to find different ways to keep the girls from crying. That night I did not sleep a wink between the girls crying, diaper changes, and them flaring their auras looking for their father. I felt like I'd snap if they kept up crying like the devil was after them. The morning of the sixth day only tugged at my frazzled mind. Tabitha woke with a start screaming her lunges out despite her diaper being dry and meal time being an hour away again. I had only gotten 15 minutes of shut-eye and my arms were weak. 'why... why won't my aura come back!?' I pick Tabitha up and start rocking her carefully. "It's okay Tabby, momma is here." I assured her. "Momma is here to care for you." I knew these assurances did nothing but, it was all I could do to keep myself from screaming in frustration. The morning started like the rest with the girls screaming their heads off when they did not find Kogen. I spent the next couple of hours trying to calm them with the cycle of feeding, diaper change, a stroll around the Library, and talking to them. By the time it's Noon, I feel so frustrated with my lack of aura. I stand in our sleeping area rocking the girls after their meal. They insisted on crying after failing to locate their father for the fifth time in the morning. Their crying made my ears ring and my mind spin. 'If only I'd not been so stupid.' I can't hold back my frustration that escaped in sobs and tears. "Please girls, Please calm down." I begged feeling like I'd fall apart if they kept crying. "Please understand momma is right here." I sobbed as the girls cried. 'Why did I have to be so stupid!? Why won't my aura come back?' My legs felt like lead and my arms felt numb from carrying the girls around all morning. I sat in bed scared I'd drop the girls with how weak I felt. I lay them down and resort to begging them to stop crying. I want to cover my ears to stop the ringing but that would not help. I did not like seeing or hearing my girls cry like this. 'Kogen, please come home.' I begged already at my limit with how overstimulated their cries have made me feel. 

I worried over the girls while I helped Yuri. During downtime, I'd told him about Audrey's lack of aura and how it was affecting her ability to care for the girls. Troy sighs "Why is it affecting it?" He asks. I know he is young and stupid at times. "Babies cannot see the first three months of their lives," Yuri answered. "So they rely on their aura to see the world around them, Their aura also helps them distinguish their parents." He explained. Troy nods "So?" He asked. Yuri sighed "The last time they felt Audrey's aura was before she sealed the God Ozaies, it is natural they believe their mother is dead." he explained. I hated the idea of the girls thinking their mother was dead. "Do not worry, I can make something for you to infuse with your aura." He waves me off. I struggled to focus on the tasks I had worrying over the girls. I feel relieved standing at the mouth of the cave. I noticed Audrey's dad walking out of the cave with an unhappy frown. His eyes brighten up "Oh! Kogen! GOOD! YOUR HOME!" He quickly grabs my wrist. "You need to do something about that girl." he scoffs. I can feel he is upset. "I swear I thought all women had a natural motherly instinct." His words rubbed me the wrong way. I pull my wrist from his hand and quickly rush to the Library. As soon as I step to the door I can hear the girls screaming their lunges out and Audrey's silent sobs. I quickly walk in rushing to the sleeping area where I find Audrey begging the girls to calm down. "Audrey are you alright!?" I quickly rush to her side. She turns to me her eyes are bloodshot from lack of sleep and crying. "Kogen, help," she whispers. I gather the girls rocking them against my chest they quickly settle down once they feel my aura. Audrey sits on the bed sobbing silently "Oh thank god." she whimpers "I thought they would hurt their throats." she sobs. "I never would have thought you'd be this childish Audrey." I turn to Loki who seems unhappy with her. I glare at him "I am not sure if you are already old and going crazy. Or what your deal is but Audrey has no aura, the girls cannot see her." I scold. He frowns "Why are you upset with me?" he asks only for the elder to walk in. "Oh my! Audrey!" he quickly runs over to Audrey hugging her tightly. "Why is my baby crying so much?" He asks. "Audrey is fine we need to take the children to get checked." Loki scoffs. The girls had fallen asleep when I turned to him to scold. "Have the girls been crying this entire time!?" Thoren beats me to the question. Loki nods "Audrey did not want my help." he raises his arms. "Loki you stupid son of a!" Thoren raises his voice. "I understand when Audrey and the rest of your children were born they did not have auras." He tries to calm down. "The children in our world are born blind! They find their parents with their auras, not their eyes!" He scolds. "Their crying has nothing to do with Audrey being incompetent!" He steps away from Audrey walking up to Loki. "If you came into the Library with this same attitude I understand why Audrey kicked you out!" He slaps Loki. I frown turning to Audrey who has calmed down a bit. I quickly sit with her letting her lean on my shoulder. "Audrey has no aura so the girls could not find her so it's only natural they cried in fear of not feeling their parent's aura!" he scolds Loki. Audrey's sobbing calms down but her breathing is still shaky. I lay the girls in their crib before pulling Audrey in my arms to help her calm down. I noticed all of the nursery books near the bed and a small rattle made with cloth. "You did well, you don't need to listen to that idiot," I assure her.