About a Girl

chapter fifty eight

February 3, 1994

The air in Paris was heavily saturated with the smell of cigarette smoke, which would be annoying for most and even disgusting for some, but Lily found it comforting. She and Maisie and Kurt settled into their hotel room, not bothering to unpack their bags seeing as how they were only going to be here until tomorrow night. Lily rocked Maisie to sleep, putting her down for a nap, as Kurt stood out on the balcony and smoked. Once Bean's eyelids had fluttered shut and her breathing had evened out into the soft cadence of sleep, Lily made her way onto the balcony too. She wrapped her arms around Kurt's waist, standing on her tiptoes and resting her chin on his shoulder as the two of them gazed out at the city. Kurt smiled at the feeling of his wife's arms around him, her body pressing into his back.

"I can't believe I'm in Paris," Lily breathed. Her eyes glazed over with a dreamy, awestruck shimmer and Kurt grinned, turning slightly and pulling her into a hug.

"I love that I get to take you places like this," he hummed, kissing her face softly. "You deserve the world and more, baby."
Lily smiled, looking up at Kurt as her big brown eyes filled with happy, sentimental tears. "I fucking love you."

"Hey," Kurt said, an idea floating into his head. "Let's go out tonight."

Lily quirked an eyebrow, giving him a confused look. "Go out where?" She asked.

"Like out to dinner," he replied, sounding almost a little shy. Lily didn't say anything, just stared up at him with wide eyes. "Come on, it would be nice to have some time together, just the two of us."

"Kurt Cobain, are you asking me on a date?" Lily said, her tone teasing as she turned to face her husband, putting her arms around his neck.

Kurt laughed a little, hugging Lily close and grinning even wider as a faint blush spread across his cheeks. "Yeah, I am," he said. "Will you go out with me, Lily Cobain?"

Lily giggled at the extra emphasis he added on the last word. "Of course I will." She answered.

Their lips connected in a sweet and gentle kiss; Lily's hands made their way into Kurt's hair, tugging at it ever so slightly as his own fingertips dug into her waist. A few minutes later, Kurt left their hotel room – going down the hall to ask Krist if he would babysit for the night – and Lily went to take a shower and get ready.

Once she was done washing the icky traveling feeling off of her skin and out of her hair, Lily stepped out of the shower, wrapping herself in a fresh, fluffy towel, and stood in front of the sink. She leaned over, wiping the condensation off of the mirror, and stared at her reflection in the glass. She exhaled sharply, cocking her head to the side as she looked around at the bathroom. Over the last few months, she'd seen the inside of the fanciest hotels and houses – the kind that she thought she would only ever see from the outside and wonder about from the street. As much as she enjoyed getting to experience this kind of luxury, it seemed like she would never get used to the uneasy feeling of not belonging in these places. It didn't matter who her friends were or who she was married to or even which red carpets she had walked. She felt as though she would always be Lily Stevens: the worthless, unloveable girl from Aberdeen. Untalented, uninteresting, and unwanted – even by her own parents.

Lily blinked hard, pulling herself out of the depths of her mind and brushing away the tears before they even had the chance to fall. She tiptoed back into the bedroom, grabbing the radio that was sat on the bedside table and bringing it back to the bathroom. She fiddled with it for a few minutes before she finally found a good station, smiling when she heard The Cure pouring out of the speakers. The familiar music made her feel much better, and she turned her attention back to getting ready.