Jax frowns his brows. "What girlfriend?" He asks surprised breathing hard wanting to feel me again. "That Genna girl or whatever her name is ..." I say and I see a smile sketching on his lips. "What? Gina? No ..she's not my girlfriend." He chuckles pressing his lips onto mine. Fuck ..the way it feels! I'm not the girl who exaggerates, but I've really never felt anything like this in my entire life. Never thought he was this hell of a kisser.
"But.." I start again and he looks at me almost like he's mad this time. "She's not my type." He says getting away from me.
"Well ... She's always all over you ...not to mention the time I caught you .." I ramble around and he nods. "Yeah ..that one time. We're just fucking around ...but she knows I can't love her ..that's stupid." Jax doesn't feel comfortable talking anymore.
I smile a little at his comment about 'love'.
"I know ... I always try to convince my dad that such things as soul mates and destined love don't exist. I think you make your own destiny... It's not just something written for you somewhere in the heaven and you will do whatever your destiny guides you to. I strongly believe you make your own destiny, you write your story just like every artist makes their own work of art in brief and sudden moves no rational thinking, just an instinct stoking hard. " as I finish talking I find Jax staring at me completely lost.
"So you say you never loved someone?" He asks and I'm cut off by his interest. "I'm just saying we all love our parents because it's a primary instinct, we care because they provide us food, a roof under our heads and safety... Loving your partner it's the same, just that instinct of survival." He watches me slowly and cracks a smile.
"And to answer your actual question...No, I never loved someone, but on the looks of you I can tell the same is going on with you." I wait patiently for his reply.
"More or less. I see love more like a fear."
"Fear?" I ask curious. "The fear of spending your life alone. For me love is just an uncertain feeling of fear. They say the love it's what keeps married couples together. I say it's the fear, the fear of not finding other human being who, as you said, would provide you the same comfort. " finally a normal person, who sees love like I do.
"Yeah ... " I sigh just falling into the depths of melancholy.
"I wouldn't exactly think of getting a girlfriend." He smiles and I nod. "Of course... It's silly to be someones possession." I gather all of my things as I should probably get going.
"Come over tomorrow? Or should we meet in the library? Or how it is easier for you ..." He asks and I tell him I'll come over tomorrow.
I have the desperate need to feel him again, but I don't want to barge in so instead I just turn around and head for the door.
I feel myself flipping around and I get a taste of Jax . He sure did in on purpose because I can feel he knows I like his kisses pretty much. "Bye Jax." I say and this time he lets me go.
"Bye Cher." I hear him as I close the door.
***
As I get home I see dad doing some paper work. "Hey dad."
"Hey sweetie. How are you?" He asks leaving leaving the paperwork for me.
"Good... Great actually. I met someone today." I smile to him and now I fully got his attention.
"Really? A boy?" Of course that would be his first question. "Not exactly. I met my friend's dad today... He said he knows you so I guesses you know him too." I smile and I know dad is curious.
"And who that man could me?" He asks and I leave some tension building silence.
"Ashton Irwin." As my words run out of the lips I see my dad's eyes go wider and somehow he's shocked and terrified.
"No way ... He's here?" Dad asks and and I somehow feel a little odd. The same reaction had Ashton too, maybe they weren't on some good terms after all.
"Yeah ... He seems nice. He told about that girl from your hometown." I say and he gulps turning his attention to the paperwork. "And what did he tell you about her?" He asks and I rub my palms to my legs.
"That she was a student at his school... Maybe you could tell me a little more.. I'm super curious an-"
"Look darling, I have work to do, maybe some other time?" He asks sweetly and I hate that every time we talk about this he changes the subject.
"Please dad ... I don't know why, but I really want to know more of that... Did you love her? Who was she? What was her name? Why don't you want to talk about her?" I push it a little too much.
"We're not doing this now Cher."
"But why?"
"Because I'm busy and I don't want to talk about Y/N!" I swear it is the first time he raises his voice at me. I gulp at him taking my bag.. At least now I know her name...
"Look ...we'll talk later. I promise I will tell you everything you want to know about her ...just a little later." He says soflty and I nod going upstairs.
Who was this girl anyways?
I take a white paper and as I lay in my bed I begin to sketch with a pencil. As I draw a face I take my colored pencils and I begin to make those eyes blue and the hair with a yellow shadow. As I finish it I realize it looks exactly like the ones I draw a few days ago only this one had some color.
"Who are you, mistery boy?" I whisper as I place the drawing into my portfolio.
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YOU ARE READING
Teach me (L. Hemmings Smut FF)
Fanfiction"You thought it was impossible and yet you fell in love with me..." "you taught me how to love" "and then you died. Teach me how to live without you." "I can't do that now babe."
