Teach me (L. Hemmings Smut FF)

Chapter 18

*Your POV*

My heart is racing a million miles. I can't believe I'm doing this.... Ashton told me he could come today and I'm not even sure he's here yet. I'm scared as fuck. What if he doesn't want to see me?

I slowly open the door to Ashton's house, he gave me the instructions earlier today, and I step in nervous as fuck.

"Hey Y/N." I see Ashton and my eyes are looking for Luke. "Hey." I say shakily stepping closer to Ashton.

As I enter the living room I see a pair of ice cold blue eyes staring at me in complete shock. I just want to go back in his arms and crash my lips on his, but he seems so ... different.

"Hi Luke." I say and realize it was a mistake to show up. He doesn't say anything else looking at Ashton.

"I just remembered Rach needed me to pick her up from the dance club." Ashton said out of the blue and left us alone. The mention of Rachel just made me sick. How could they like that bitch ?

Luke doesn't say a word and I won't be able to hold my tears back any longer.

"I should go." I whisper realizing how pathetic I am. Coming here like a desperate woman... I'm such a fool. It's clear that he doesn't want to talk to me if he left me. I'm acting more and more like my mother.

As I reach the door knob I remember that bartender's words "I wouldn't let you go so easily" and I just stop and turn around.

"No. You know what. Fuck I'm done! Why can't you see I try in here? I called you I texted you and you never replied .. Never said anything back !" I say staring in his eyes.

"Didn't you got the point? I don't want to be found." He said coldly and for some reason I start laughing.

"Right. I'm sorry Luke- No you know what! I'm not even sorry for calling and texting you .. I've done my part .. I loved you even when you left me all alone in that hospital.. You just left Luke! I need answers for God's sake. You don't just leave a person you pretend to love... You can't just do that Luke... You can't. You left me there hoping for you to show up on that white door .. Hoping to see you coming and making my day better ... But instead you chose to leave. What kind of person would leave when their love one is dying?" I ask by now tears streaming down my face.

"The one who loves them hard enough to let them live. I did it for you Y/N. Every thing I did ... I did it for you." He says soflty.

"Well thanks, but I didn't need you to leave me .. I needed you to be there for me." My voice is cracking and I don't think I can stand my ground for much longer.

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND Y/N. EVERYONE I LOVE DIES. THEY JUST DIE IN FRONT OF MY EYES." Luke shouts tears spilling out of his eyes.

"Haven't you already figured it out? I'm not like the others ... Luke, this relationship is the definition of disaster. You were my teacher and I was your fucking student. I wouldn't even have thought about a possible relationship between the two of us and yet we had one ... I wouldn't have dreamed about getting an A+ to my math exam ever ..and yet since I met you I succeeded that also. I wouldn't have thought I can't live without you .. And yet I realized somehow you are my everything. So no! Don't tell me you would just give up on us because the girls before me died. Don't give me that bullshit." I speak up my mind.

My chest is exploding, I can't take this anymore, I can't torment myself with illusions.

"How is this bullshit when you almost got killed by a truck in front of my eyes... I can't bear one more death ..do you understand I can't take it? I love you that much that I would rather suffer everyday and know that you're ok than have you killed because I am too selfish in my need to keep you to myself." His eyes are red and tears are running down on both of our cheeks.