Teach me (L. Hemmings Smut FF)

Chapter 49

*Your POV*

"I can't tell you that." he says letting my jaw drop. "Of course..." I whisper standing up. All he said was bullshit. How can I even tell if he's told me the truth? He lied about his death once why wouldn't he do it again?

"I'll get to that part to. Please just listen." He stands up too following me.
"Really Luke? Will you? Because you keep feeding me this bullshit story and I don't even know if I should believe a word you say." I feel the energy draining out and I'm so tired I'm afraid I'll end up forgiving everything he did. I miss you Luke, I miss you so much it hurts.

"You're right." he whispers slowly. "You can't trust me, I get it, but Y/n I swear this is what happened and yeah, if I could go back in time I would do everything different, but I can't and I know there's nothing I could do to make you forgive the mistakes I made or to take away the pain you felt. I can't do any of that and I'm sorry. " Luke's voice is something I still can't believe I hear.

"Have you ever ..." I want to ask him if he ever came in my home town, if he ever looked for me in the distance but the words just stop at the top of my tongue. I can't ask him that.

He raises his brows and I just can't endure those blue eyes looking at me.
"what?" he asks softly.
"have you ever thought about coming back?" this is the only question I can ask.

He steps closer and I can't take it. The way he smells, the way that jumper looks so good on him and that hair so messy, after the shower I bet he had before I got here, everything about him is just ... how I remember, how I want him to be.

"Only all the time." His voice is about to crack and I can't see those blue eyes in tears again, and the soft smile makes it all worse for me. I can't hate him now, I can't look at him and hate him, I just can't. I just want to skip to the part when he takes me in his arms and smashes his lips on mine, but this is not the way it works now.
"Then why didn't you? Why didn't you come back?" I ask so desperate for an answer right now.

"It's complicated." he tells me and I nod.
"I don't want to hear this, Luke. I just want an honest answer, so please just once tonight tell me the truth." I say and he furrows his brows.
"It was an honest answer, Y/n. It really is complicated and I wish you could just believe me when I say that all I wanted to do was to come back to you. I wanted you so bad, I needed you. I still do, and I miss you everyday. and if you think this was an easy thing for me to do, you're wrong. It was not easy at all, seeing you with Michael everyday? You think it was easy? seeing you cry? F.uck. It was the hardest thing I ever did. But I had to do it." he tells me raising his voice a little and asking to my mental questions. He did come back.

"Then why did you Luke? Why'd you do it?" I ask all I could think about being those four words he said. I miss you everyday.

*Luke's POV*

She drives me insane. All I can think about is pulling her to my chest and kissing her, holding her so close to me amd never letting her go. This is not the way it was supposed to be. She was not supposed to come in London, I was not supposed to see her again or she me and we were not supposed to talk about this, or to even talk for that matrer of fact.

"It was for you... and me... it was for us both." I tell her and she sighs turning around. I know she's sick of me not giving her details right now but I can't drop it like that.
But I can't let he go now either.
"Three weeks later. I remembered." I say and she stops walking towards the door, and turns around.

"After the hospital released me, I went to this woman's house and deep down I knew that this is not how it was supposed to be.

*Flashback*
Finally I get to be alone. This woman annoys me to the point I want to throw myself off the window. This can't be my life. I need to break the engagement, I don't know why I don't love her. I just don't know her.