"I think he's just scared of love." The red hair bartender said to me as I just told him my story.
"Yeah but he's no coward ... I mean he wouldn't just run from love just like that... Would you?" I ask as I let the liquid burn my throat and gesture for him to pour me another one.
"I think you're good." He smiles taking the cup away from me.
"You still didn't answer my question." I insist and he shakes his head.
"I don't know ... I wouldn't let you go that easily." He smiles and I nod. "Exactly ... I wouldn't either .. I mean I can't just let him go that easily. I need answers." My final words are spoken and he just nods as I get out of the bar.
"I hope you'll be okay." He says as I open the door. "Me too." I close the door and realize I'm too drunk to walk.
I dial mom and just wait for her to get me.
***
"What are you doing here Y/N?" She asks as I get in the car. "Nothing." I state.
"Are you drunk?" Fuck.. I should have called Jenny.
"Maybe." I say and mom just shakes her head. "You just got out of the hospital.. What is wrong with you?" She asks and I just roll my eyes.
"I'm sorry honey..." She quickly says and I don't say anything. "I almost lost you. I can't lose you. You scared me when you didn't wake up and now you go to bars getting drunk? This won't fix your problems." Mom tells me and I nod. "I know..." I can't even think straight without him around.
"I know you think your father left because of you .. But sweet heart is not your fault."
Mom says as we get in the house but I'm so sick of hearing her talking about that fucking idiot.
"MOM IT'S NOT THAT, I'M NOT THE ONE OBSESSED WITH HIS LEAVING .. YOU ARE! AND YOU SHOULD GET OVER BECAUSE HIS NOT COMING BACK. HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU ... HIS GONE FOREVER AND YOU SHOULD JUST STOP OK? STOP! I'M TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT HIM." I snap without too much thinking. I see mom in tears and I realize I just took my anger out on her.
"I'm sorry ..." I say as she just stares shocked at me. "I didn't mean it like that." "No it's okay ... I should stop talking about him, I just don't know what's going on with you." She speaks shakily. "You're so distant from a while now and I don't know what to do." She adds and I gulp.
"I'm sorry .. I know. I was just stressed with the exam and now it's my last year. I can't blow it now. Plus I have a new math teacher and I'm scared I will fail again." 8 say not lying completely.
"Oh honey .. I'm sorry. But you know drinking won't bring you higher marks." She smiles and i chuckle. "Yeah ..." Well this fight with mom clearly sobered me up.
I don't know what to do. I'm so lost without Luke.
I go to my room and pick the phone up again. I see Luke's name and I dial it.. I don't care if he's in London. I need to hear him. It connects and I just wait for him to pick up ... I just hope he won't hang up on me.
Someone answers but they don't say anything. "Hey Luke?" I ask but no response is coming back. "If this is you ... I just want to tell you it's horrible ... Everyday without you ... I miss you Luke" by now tears are rolling down my cheeks. "Come home please... I love yo-" and they hung up.
I slide down my door not able to move and began to cry. Why did I let my heart fall in love with him? Why do I feel the need to be with him so bad when he chose to leave ... Chose not to love me anymore.
*Luke's POV*
I should probably clean the mess I'm in. I look on the nightstand and I see beer bottles and in the room empty pizza boxes and clothes all around the flat. I'm so lost without her. I can't believe I allowed myself to fall in love with her. What hurts is that the pain I feel right now doesn't even compare to the pain I felt when Eliza and Bethany died... They were gone,but she? She's there and I can just- No! I can't .. I can't put her life at risk again. I'm pretty sure that if I didn't leave she would be dead by now.
But I need to call her. I need to see how she is. I miss her smile, her eyes and her lips, her little hands intertwined with mine.. I miss her smell and her soft hair. I miss having her around.
As I'm holding my phone I see her name popping up. My heart stops like it had been struck by a lightning.
My hand presses the green button and brings the phone to my ear.
"Hey Luke?" Her angelic voice is so beautiful. It feels so good to hear her.. "If this is you ... I just want to tell you it's horrible ... Everyday without you ... I miss you Luke..Come home please... I love yo-" I can't handle this. I can't hear her cry. Fuck I shouldn't have answered that, I'm such an idiot. Hearing her just tears me apart again. I can't go on like this for much longer... I need her so bad.
*****
Another two weeks have passed and I'm not getting better .. I'm only getting worse and it sucks. It's Christmas... Ashton told me to go to him as his my family and I'm now sitting in a plane ready to go home again. I just hope she won't be anywhere around. I won't be able to leave her again... My heart only wants her.
As we lend I take a taxi and told them Ashton's address. I take my bag and go inside. It's so warm and good here.
"Heyy man!" He hugs me and I hug him back. I missed him. "Hiii!" I smile as finally I see a familiar face.
"I thought you wouldn't show up." He states. "Frankly I didn't either. But it's Christmas. It's supposed to be spent with the ones you love." I laugh and he joins me.
"Speaking of ... I know you told me not to tell you anything about her. But man ... I've never seen her like that. She loves you so hard mate ... Only a fool wouldn't see it." Ashton says and I gulp tears threatening to come at light.
"You need to go to her Luke..." He adds as I'm not capable to speak. "I already told you. I don't care about her anymore. Let's just enjoy the days we have together." I suggest trying so hard not to think about her. It hurts me too much to think about that sweet angel.
"Alright. Just don't lie to me.. You know I don't get it. If you love her and she loves you ... Why not try again?" He asks and I roll my eyes. "Because I won't be able to take her death." I state and go in the living room. "You know that's not true. She won't die!" Ashton yells coming after me.
"Yes she will. They all die. Now can you please change this fucked up subject ?" I shout angry.
"No! Elize didn't die because of you ... She had cancer goddammit! And it's not your fault that the plane where Bethany was in crashed. It's not your fault Luke!! OK? You shouldn't run from love .. I know you're scared you will lose her again. But you already lost her the minute you decided to run away ... " I have no idea why is he trying so hard so put me back on the track.
Somehow I feel he's right... But she woke up because I left. If I were to stay she would've die...
"At least she lives..." I state holding back the tears that spill from my eyes.
"You're crazy .. You brought this upon yourself.. This sick idea of yours that if two woman you loved died, all of them have to die. You're not curssed Luke. You're just stupid." Ashton now practically laughs in my face.
"And you're even crazier if you think you could come back again and not face her..." He says and I furrow my eyes.
"What did you do Ashton?" I ask and he just smiles. "What you should've done in the first place." I hear a car stopping in the front of the house. Fuck. I will kill Ashton.
"Why did you do this?" I ask not knowing what to do. "Because this is what are friends for. To get you out of your mess when you can't by your own." He smiles.
"I didn't ask for this." I spit back furious.
"You didn't have to." He smirks and I hear the door opening and her footsteps on the wooden floor.
YOU ARE READING
Teach me (L. Hemmings Smut FF)
Fanfiction"You thought it was impossible and yet you fell in love with me..." "you taught me how to love" "and then you died. Teach me how to live without you." "I can't do that now babe."
