Confusion (Sequel to I Wish...)

Chapter 57

(Justin's pov)
-2pm-
Ryan and I waited quietly in the waiting room. Chaz called and said he's on his way here. One of the nurses gave me a list of symptoms of having a panic attack, just in case I needed it. I read through the list:
"Chest pains, trembling, nausea, shortness of breath, numbness, sweating, dizziness, and feeling of choking."
But Becca stopped breathing completely.
It doesn't list anything about death, but I know pretty damn well that if you stop breathing, you die eventually.
How did I cause her to panic? I know it's all my fault. All my fault. Becca means so much to me, too much to me actually. I've been in this room for 4 hours straight, listening to footsteps and medical talk from behind the door. Every little thing is driving me crazy and making me impatient. I just wanna barge in the surgery room and take Becca for myself.
What if Becca's really dead? What if her chest stopped moving forever? What if that short breath in the car was her last? What if those few minutes were the last I ever spent with her?
What if she's gone? Her ocean blue eyes, gone? Her attracting pink lips, gone? The soothing touch of her hands, gone? The smell of her strawberry scent, gone? Everything I live for, gone?
"Are you with Becca Greene?"
A nurse's voice interrupted my thoughts.
"Yes."
I stood up immediately and waited for an explanation. Ryan stood up too.
"Becca is ok, considering she is badly bruised. She has a severely fractured wrist. We'll have to put a cast on that. Now, moving on to her anxiety. She appears to have had a panic attack that soon slipped into a heart attack. We've managed to bring her back, but her emotions are very sensitive. You should keep her away from anything that makes her nervous for a few days. Don't stress her out or anything, ok?"
The nurses explained, and I nodded dumbly. She let us go see Becca but warned us to be careful, because Becca might freak out again.
Ryan and I entered Becca's hospital room. I saw Becca, thankfully, breathing. She was awake with her hand in a cast.
"Becca..."
I rushed to her and kissed her temple, almost breaking down on her.
"H-hey."
Her swollen lips twitched into a failed smile. Her blue eyes were sad and hurt.
"Becca, I am so so sorry. I shouldn't have hurt you like that. I was just...I'm scared for you, baby. Everything going on and the media, it's not safe for you. I want you to feel relaxed and safe with me, not worried about getting hurt."
I confessed to her with my eyes welling up with tears.
"I don't wanna live without you, baby. Justin, please don't make me leave."
Becca started tearing up too, her voice all raspy and soft.
"I won't. I promise. You're staying with me, baby."
I kept her close and calmed myself down.
"Now don't cry. It's gonna be ok. You wanna see Ryan?"
I stroked her swollen cheek and she nodded.
"Ok, baby. Look, here's Ryan."
I let Ryan see her as I let all this sink in.
Becca had a panic and heart attack. She has a broken hand. She's not mad at me anymore.
"I'm gonna leave you two alone. I'll get you a treat too."
Ryan smiled at Becca before leaving.
"I love you so much, babygirl."
I carefully slipped next to her in bed.
"I love you too, Justy."
She rested her head against me.
"You scared the shit out of me, Becca."
I mumbled against her head.
"I'm sorry for panicking. I couldn't stop myself."
Becca sounded guilty.
"I know you can't. That's why it's not your fault."
I studied the damage done to her.
"Justin, they beat me up and cut me..."
Becca's bottom lip trembled a little. She removed the bandage and showed me a cut on her arm, which looked deep and made me wince.
"Dammit, baby. I'm sorry."
I wanted to heal her and make her feel better.
"It's ok."
She wrapped the bandage back over her arm.
"You have a broken wrist, babygirl. What the fuck is wrong with them?"
I looked at the plain white cast on her hand.
"I pissed them off. I didn't mean to."
Becca's eyes watered as she squeezed my hand.
"Hey, it's alright."
I squeezed her good hand back.
"He raped me."
She whispered but I heard every word. The thought of an asshole fucking my baby makes me way past angry. That pisses me the fuck off so much.
"We'll get him back, babydoll. We'll get them all back."
I muttered softly in her ear.
"What did I do to deserve this? Am I a bad person?"
A tear slid down her cheek.
"No, Becca. You didn't do anything wrong. You're amazing and nice and I love you. People just get jealous."
I wiped the tear from her cheek and placed a kiss on it.
"I want to get out of here."
She sniffled and whimpered a little in my shirt.
"We'll leave when Ryan gets back."
I told her and kept her close.
"Can I take a nap?"
Becca seemed tired and worn out. I'm sure she's been through a lot these past couple days.
"Of course, baby. I'll take one with you."
I haven't gotten much sleep either.
-5pm-
"Shh!"
A loud shush woke me up to see Ryan and Chaz fighting over a small box.
"What the hell are you guys doing?"
I squinted at the bright hospital lights.
"Ryan won't let me share his gift for Becca."
Chaz complained.
"She won't care who gives it to her. She likes everything."
I rubbed my eyes and ran a hand through my hair.
"I'm awake you know?"
Becca spoke beside me.
"You are? Oh, hey baby."
I kissed her head but noticed her eyes were still tired.
"Are you ok, Becca?"
I realized that she looked exhausted. Did she even get any sleep?
"I-I can't sleep, Justin."
Becca gave me a sad look and her eyes watered.
"Baby, it's ok. Don't cry over that, beautiful. Why can't you sleep?"
I stroked her face and brushed my hands through her hair.
"I'm scared."
She whispered, clearly paranoid.
"Aw, don't be scared, babydoll. Look, Ryan and Chaz have a present for you."
I put my arm around her and motioned Ryan and Chaz to go up to her.
"It's from both of us. Open it."
Ryan handed her a small cardboard box.
"You'll like it."
Chaz smiled amusingly.
"Omigod you guys, I love it!"
Becca held up a cupcake with my face on it.
"Really?"
I grinned at Ryan and Chaz.
"She likes everything, remember?"
Chaz shrugged jokingly at me.
"Thanks guys. I love it."
Becca smiled brightly through her tired eyes.
"You're gonna lick my face, babe?"
I smiled playfully at her.
"Mm."
Becca licked the icing off the cupcake.
"You're so bad, princess."
I shook my head playfully at her. She giggled and continued to eat the cupcake.
"Becca said she wants to go, so let's get going guys."
I told Ryan and Chaz.
"Ok, I'll go get the car."
Chaz offered and Ryan tagged along with him. I called in a nurse to take the wires off her. Soon enough, a nurse walked in and took the needles and any other attachments off her. The nurse told us to be careful and to pick up Becca's prescription then left the room.
"Let's steal a blanket. I don't think they'd mind."
I wrapped a blanket around her.
"Be careful, Justin."
Becca stood up shakily.
"I will, baby. Here, I'll carry you."
I lifted her in my arms. Becca put her good arm around me; then I made my way to the front of the hospital.

(A/N: Sorry I didn't post guys. I've been busy. Next post is on Wednesday)

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