Destined Hearts

Chapter 48

Madeenah's POV

His hands are still settled on my hip as he stares at me in confusion while my heart shreds in pieces right before him.

"What?" He says, his brows scrunched up as if he didn't understand what I was saying.

I close my eyes, not wanting to look at him. His hands that were on my hips start to move slowly up to my waist but I stop them. I try to push them away from me but he doesn't budge. he holds me tighter as though he's scared the moment I leave his arms, I won't be back in it. I definitely won't be.

"Let go of me." I whisper through my clogged throat. I can feel the tears gathering beneath my closed lids.

"No. Madeenah what is it?" His voice is frantic which causes me to open my eyes to stare at him.

"You just called me by her name." I say then try to push his hands off me. "Don't touch me."

"What? No. I didn't." Muhammad says so vehemently.

"I'm not deaf."

"Madeenah—" He starts but I finally push him off me with a shove.

"Don't touch me!" I yell with tears streaming down my face.

"Please stop. I didn't—"

"Just stop." I put my hands on his chest to stop him coming near me.

My heart feels like it's being ripped out of my chest. I always knew I was never going to be her to him but for him to call me by her name is different. Is that what he sees when he looks at me. Is it her he's imagining when he touches me, kisses me, sleeps with me?

He made me live in her house unknowingly. For what? Because he couldn't stand to live a life away from her. He wouldn't let himself give us a chance from the beginning and I foolishly forgot that. And to think I was in love with him and I thought just maybe he might feel the same.

"Madeenah." He whispers so painfully I feel it stab me.

"I always knew that I would never be her. I never even tried to be. But I thought... maybe you were giving me a chance. You said you were. You promised and you lied." A sob cuts me off and I wipe the tears in my cheek but they keep coming.

"I didn't—" Muhammad starts.

"It's always her. She's d-dead—" Muhammad flinches, "but it will always be her n-no matter what. N-no matter how much I try to show you I'm more. I'll never be e-enough for you because I'll never be h-her."

"I don't. Please. It's you. I promise." His voice cracks as he talks.

"And why should I believe you? When you've b-broken so many of your p-promises already. When you've lied to me. I'm living in her goddamn house!" I burst out and his reaction just makes me angrier.

"How—?"

"Oh you didn't think I'd find out. You wanted me kept in the dark so I would never see the type of person you are." I move further away from him, not being able to stand close to him. "Do you know how embarrassing it was for me to find out from Yasmeen that this was the same house you lived in with Maryam?"

"Madeenah..."

"I was so excited to give a friend a tour of MY house, only to find out that it actually wasn't my house. It was Maryam's. And yours. And Inayah's. But never mine. I never belonged here. Not in this house. Not in Inayah's life. And definitely not in yours. I don't belong anywhere and I've been too stupid and hopeful to see it." I sob so violently that I feel this pain in my chest and abdomen.