Destined Hearts

Chapter 53

Madeenah's POV

I wasn't really able to sleep but I forced myself to because of my baby. I read about how important it is for me to sleep as the baby can sense when I'm restless.

So I only slept a few hours. I've been awake for a while now and it's about 10 am. I'm pretty sure he's aware that I'm awake, he knows my routine. But I'm not ready to see him. I wasn't ready to come back to him or talk to him either but I've been pushed into it.

I'm in bed just staring up at my ceiling and thinking. Thinking about everything.

Do I want a divorce? Yes. Maybe. I'm not sure anymore. After that conversation with Hamma I had been thinking if it's truly what I want for myself and my child. A divorcee at 19. A divorcee and single mother at 19.

But do I want to be with a man that doesn't love me? Definitely not. It's not something I want. I lived with it and I had hope that it would change but nothing did. And I never wanna go through that again.

So I have to find a way to make both happen. And if a divorce is the only answer then I guess that's it. But I can't avoid him, not when I'm in a house with him. But I can waste time before leaving my room, although I am starting to get hungry.

A knock sounds at my door just then.

"Madeenah? Can I come in?" Muhammad's voice comes through the door.

He knows I'm awake so I can't pretend not to be. But I don't wanna see him. God. I grab my bonnet and wrap it around my head.

"Yeah you can." I say softly, hoping he doesn't hear me but of course he does.

He opens the door first before he appears with a tray in his hands. I sit up in bed against my pillows that for some reason smell like him.

"I got you food. And coffee." He says as he sets it on the bedside drawer.

I look at the pancakes, fruits and then a cup of coffee. "I can't drink coffee anymore." I say.

"It's decaf." He says.

"Oh. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

He's still standing there and I'm still looking at the tray.

"Are you going to watch me eat?" I ask.

"I would prefer to do so." He answers.

"I would prefer you not. I'm not a child." I finally look up at him.

He looks so fine right now it hurts.

"Okay. I'll wait for you downstairs." He says.

"Okay."

Muhammad doesn't leave immediately. He waits for a moment before turning and leaving.

I stare at the door even after he leaves. I hate how things are between us. Especially after the taste of when we were so good. But it is what it is now and I can't change it.

I pick up the tray and put it over my lap then start eating. His cooking always tasted so good especially his pancakes. He liked surprising me in bed with it especially after I spent the whole night working on my defense or my project. Which even reminds me that I need to confirm I have everything.

I eat everything and then drink my coffee before I get up from bed. I stretch then enter my bathroom to shower. After spending too long inside there, I get dressed in sweatpants and a long sleeve shirt then tie a scarf around my head.

I grab the tray then leave my room to head downstairs. I don't hear Muhammad so I relax a bit as I enter the kitchen. I drop everything then start washing the dishes. I hate leaving dirty dishes around. It seems Muhammad hates it too. I'm surprised my kitchen is just how I left it with no mess.