ʜᴇʀ ᴀꜱꜱɪꜱᴛᴀɴᴛ | ᴛᴀʀᴀꜱɪᴀ

ꜰɪꜰᴛʏ ꜱᴇᴠᴇɴ

ꜰᴀɴᴛᴀꜱɪᴀ ʙᴀʀʀɪɴᴏ
ɴᴏᴠᴇᴍʙᴇʀ 8, 2020

today was the day. the day we see our baby and hear their heartbeat. laila was running laps around the living room, her curly hair bouncing with small giggles escaping every time she dodged taraji's "watch out!" warnings.

"slow down jellybean. you're gonna trip!" taraji called, arms wide and ready to catch her.

laila just grinned and sped up. i sat on the couch with a warm mug of tea. my stomach churned.. the hormones are hitting like a storm. one minute i was laughing at laila's antics, the next i was close to tears because i'd forgotten where i left my phone.

"i'm not crying, i swear" i said quickly when taraji caught my eye.

"you've been crying for the past hour" she said, folding her arms with a mix of concern and amusement.

"it's just everything feels... bigger now. like my emotions are cranked up on full blast and i don't have a volume control."

raji walked over and took my hand. "that's hormones, baby. your body's doing its thing."

i leaned into her, "thank God you're here to handle the crazy."

"handle? i am the crazy" she smirked.

laila slowed down finally and flopped onto the floor, tugging on my sleeve.

"tai tai do you wanna play?"

i smiled and scooped her into my lap. "always."

as i rocked her, the doorbell rang. taraji jumped up.

"i got it," i said, standing. this is the first time she didn't protest.

taraji shot me a look. "don't lift anything heavy. walk too heavy. pull anything heavy... meaning the doorknob."

i laughed at her silly antics and walked to the door.  i opened it to see tab standing there with a bag of snacks and that signature smile.

"come in" i said, stepping aside.

tab gave me a look like she was already prepared for the day's emotional rollercoaster. "you good?"

"eh. same as always."

"hey raji" she hugged her.

"hey you. you okay?"

she shrugged. "yeah, im living"

"tabi!" this was like laila's every other day routine. she loves her tabi and i love them both.

"laila bug!" tab scooped her up, placing a kiss on her head, "look at what i got you!" tab pulled a pack of glitter and glue from the bag and a canvas.

me and raji looked at eachother shaking our heads. laila and glitter doesn't mix- she'll mix it in the food, drink, or maybe in the cracks of my couch.

tab noticed, "okay, look, i know what yall thinking, but it's gonna be fun. we can all do it."

"yeah all of us can roll in glitter!" laila shouted.

"absolutely-"

"not." raji finished it off.

tab threw her hands up surrendering, "well i tried. i guess we'll just have to play with it at my house bug. what you say?"

"okay" laila smiled.

"anyway, let me know how the appointment goes. im so happy for the both of you." we did a group hug. i could stay like this for hours.

|||

"could we maybe... sit in the car for a few- i can't um... i'm a bit nervous."

taraji had been shaking since lastnight. i mean that literally. hands trembling whenever she'd hand me something or when she think i wasn't looking she'd bounce her leg up and down for hours whilst staring at a blank wall.

i took her hand and held it, "just breathe. everything's gonna be fine, okay?"

she smiled a little. "o-okay. i got this you know? i got this." she repeated trying to convince herself.

"you got it" i reassured.

"okay can we get out of this car now? i wanna see sparkles bubblegum"

"i guess our baby's name has been made official by laila." i joked earning a small chuckle out of taraji.

we stepped into the waiting room. laila clung to my hand, her eyes darting between the walls which were decorated with colorful posters about growth charts and healthy eating.

taraji kept one arm around my waist, the other hand gently rubbing my lower back.

"you nervous?" i asked her.

she shook her head, but her grip on me tightened. "you know i've..." she looked the other way. "i'm more nervous for you." there was something else she was going to say but quickly stopped herself. i would ask about it later.

"me?" i chuckled. "i'm about to see the little rice grain in me. i can't get anymore nervous than this."

raji smiled, "that grain about to change our lives."

the nurse called our name, and we followed her down the hall to the ultrasound room.

taraji was standing just behind the tech with her arms crossed, head tilted, and eyes locked in. not a single crack in her posture. not until i turned and caught the twitch of her fingers how they move once, then disappear into her sleeves.

"okay," the tech says gently. "this might feel a little cold."

it is but i didn't flinch. my eyes stayed on taraji the entire time. i felt like something else was making her more nervous than i was.

my heart was beating fast as the image begins to flicker across the screen. static, black, and then a ripple of grey.

then, "there we are," the tech said. she tilts the wand slightly.

a tiny bean shaped figure appears inside a black sac. floating still. for a moment i couldn't even breathe.

"that's your baby" she added, "right there."

taraji's head tilts to the left. she leans in and furrows her brows getting a clearer look at the screen.

the tech continued, "and there's the heartbeat"

laila gasped. "the baby's dancing!"

i laughed, brushing a tear from my cheek. "yeah, baby. dancing just for you."

"oh my God" my voice cracked and trembled. "that's... it's really real."

taraji didn't say anything. she just pulled me closer once the tech gave us a minute. she leaned her forehead to my temple, her other hand pressed to the screen like she wants to reach in and hold what's hers.

"you see that?"

taraji nodded, eyes red and glossy. "yeah, baby. i see it."

she leans down and kissed my cheek. "that's ours."