ʜᴇʀ ᴀꜱꜱɪꜱᴛᴀɴᴛ | ᴛᴀʀᴀꜱɪᴀ

ꜰᴏʀᴛʏ

ᴛᴀʀᴀᴊɪ ʜᴇɴꜱᴏɴ
ꜱᴇᴘᴛᴇᴍʙᴇʀ 9, 2020

laila had a seizure and we've been at the hospital since 8 this morning and it's now 2pm. they said it could be parasomnias which caused her to wake up in fear and laila will panic if she feels like she's by herself after having a bad dream and that could cause her to go into shock and lead to critical things like this.

i had been crying all morning fully aware that i would be drained from it at some point, but it was a cry for my baby. having to go through this at 4 years old has to be scary for her because it is for me at twenty five and i'm not even the one in the bed– this is scary coming from me as her mom. all i ever wanted was for her to get better and it's seems like it's only getting worse .

this is how it'd be at the shelter, except i had to be a doctor and provide medication that seemed to work for the time being, but little did i know it would make things even worse than they already were. the medicine worked in that minute, but the after effect is what made her fall into really deep sleeps and wake up panicking or it would lead to a seizure most times. i was forced to give it to her still because her medical bills had overflowed and i wasn't able pay the amount. if she didn't take anything my baby would be dead and i didn't wanna risk that so i made it work somehow.

i was laying in the bed next to her. tasia had one of her hands softly rubbing her thumb over it. she's up and talking now after six hours of being here– i jumped out of my body when i hear the word "mommy" come from her little voice. i damn near fell on my face trying to get to her.

"tai tai, may i hold your phone?"

"yeah, of course." it was in her back pocket so all she had to do was unlock it and hand it to her.

"thank you" she didn't sound like laila. it's like she'd been yelling and lost her voice.

"you're welcome– taraji?"

"yeah?" i scoped over laila's face trying to find any signs of anything. she just looked tired– this wasn't the side of her i liked seeing. i love seeing her smiling and happy with lots of energy.

fantasia walked over to the side where i laid and rubbed my side, "do you want some coffee or anything to eat?"

"no, i'm fine, beauty. thanks, though." i knew she wouldn't take no for an answer. this was tasia- the word no didn't even exist in her vocabulary.

"come here." she put her hand in mine and basically forced me to get up. she grabbed her purse before we went into the bathroom.

"what are we doing in here, tasia?"

"look at the mirror, baby." i turned and jump scared myself. i looked drained– although i was inside and out. everything was taking a toll on me and i didn't know how to deal with it.

"this isn't me." i sobbed.

"right, so..." she trailed off walking closer until she was behind me and wrapped her arms around me, "go home and rest, t."

"i can't rest until she's discharged."

"you can, baby and you will. go take a shower and rest please. i'll call you and let you know if anything comes up."

"beauty– i can't le– i can't leave her like this."

"taraji, i'm here. do you trust me to be here with her?"

"of course." i said in between sobs.

"so go home and do what you have to do. you're cried out and drained. you can't be the best for laila when you're not the best taraji right now." she took her keys from the purse and slid them into my jacket pocket.