ʜᴇʀ ᴀꜱꜱɪꜱᴛᴀɴᴛ | ᴛᴀʀᴀꜱɪᴀ

ꜱɪxᴛʏ

ᴛᴀʀᴀᴊɪ ʜᴇɴꜱᴏɴ
ɴᴏᴠᴇᴍʙᴇʀ 11, 2020

i haven't slept since 6. i wasn't even tired. i was just... here. face to face with her belly.

fantasia had twisted in her sleep sometime around dawn and curled toward me, and i didn't move.

i just laid there staring at the small curve beneath her nightshirt, the one she kept pulling down like as if she still didn't believe it was showing but it was and our baby was in there.

i pressed my cheek against her belly, careful not to wake her.

i can never stop saying how i never got to do this with laila's mom because it's a fact. i never got to feel her belly stretch beneath my palm or bring her weird cravings at night or rub her feet when her ankles swelled.

we weren't even speaking half the time. when we were, it was mostly yelling. i was chasing her down to make her eat something. bringing prenatal vitamins to trap houses that she didn't even belong in.

i didn't know laila's gender until she was already here, but this...

i lifted fantasia's shirt and kissed her belly gently, right where her skin curved the most. her belly button was changing already. my hands were bigger than the bump, but not for long.

"you got me on my toes already, huh?" i whispered, rubbing it slowly. "your mom is real bossy"

i smiled to myself.

fantasia flinched a little. i froze but she didn't wake up.
just made a soft hum in her throat and nestled deeper into her pillow.

i reached out and traced circles around her navel with one finger, so slow i barely touched her.

my forehead was pressed to her belly. "if you want sour gummy worms at four a.m., i got you. whenever you need mama got you."

my voice cracked. "i'm not perfect, baby, but i swear to you i'm gon try. for you, laila, and the woman who trusted me with her in order to create you."

i stayed like that a while, just holding her stomach. breathing with it. letting the gratitude settle in my bones. after everything, i had this. this peace. this morning. this woman. this child.

fantasia moved again. this time, she cracked an eye and blinked at me. "...you down there talking to yourself?" her voice was thick and sleepy.

i smiled. "nah, just making some promises."

"mmhm." she stretched and put a hand over my head. "better be promising me breakfast too."

i kissed her belly one more time and grinned. "say less."

****

the cinnamon rolls were out, juice was in her favorite cup with the metal straw, and i was halfway through plating the eggs and hash when i heard uneven footsteps.

i didn't even have to look."fantasia monique barrino—"

there she was.. on the steps waddling. one hand on the rail, the other on her bump with her lip poked.

diane blinked. "oh no."

"tasia, what did i just say?"

"i was hungry!" she snapped. "you were taking forever!"

"i was gone for three minutes!"

"in pregnant time that's forever!" she huffed, nearly slipping on the last step and grabbing the rail. "and i could smell the icing!"

i rushed over, halfway panicked. "you could've fell! what if you missed a step? what if you tripped? you're not even supposed to be wal—"

"STOP YELLING AT ME!" she cried out suddenly, her voice breaking as she stomped one foot, tears instantly brimming.