ʜᴇʀ ᴀꜱꜱɪꜱᴛᴀɴᴛ | ᴛᴀʀᴀꜱɪᴀ

ꜰɪꜰᴛʏ ɴɪɴᴇ

ꜰᴀɴᴛᴀꜱɪᴀ ʙᴀʀʀɪɴᴏ
ɴᴏᴠᴇᴍʙᴇʀ 11, 2020

i didn't mean to wake up this early. it was the stomach that did it.

"i need pickles and strawberry jam." i whispered to myself.

i looked over.. taraji was dead asleep with one arm flopped across my pillow like she'd been chasing me in her dreams. i slid out from under the blanket like a ninja, trying not to disturb her peace.

as soon as i hit the hallway, "where you going? you okay?"

i turned. raji was squinting, voice raspy.

"kitchen" i whispered. "i'm fine."

"need me to come?"

"baby, i'm pregnant. not helpless."

"same difference" she mumbled, rolling onto her other side. "text me if you need help with anything."

"im just going to the kitchen"

she sat all the way up this time, "still. i wanna know"

"okay i'll text you. sleep baby." i smirked and kept walking.

the kitchen was cold and quiet. i opened the fridge and just stood there a moment, letting the soft light spill over me like a spotlight. pickles, check. strawberry jam, check.

i grabbed a slice of leftover sourdough bread and started constructing what should've been illegal in at least three states.

i took the first bite and moaned, "so good" i had to keep quiet since everyone was asleep.

i stood there barefoot with a bonnet on, moomoo, and i stuffed my face, and then i heard footsteps. when i looked up, taraji was leaning against the doorway with her arms crossed.

"you just gon eat that and not share?"

"you want this?"

"not even a little but i wanna be near you while you eat it." she came behind me rubbing my bump in soft circles, "bed got too cold without you in it"

i smiled, licking jam off my thumb. she kissed my forehead.

"baby out here requesting gourmet meals, huh?"

"don't judge us."

"never."

we stood like that for a minute. quiet, laughing softly, me chewing, her holding my belly like she was steadying both of us.

"you okay?" she asked gently.

i nodded. "hungry but happy."

she smiled. "good."

i stopped chewing and turned to hit when the one thing i've been dying to talk to her about hit me, "i wanna ask you something."

"okay. what is it?"

"i noticed how shaken up you were when we went to see our baby. it kind of seemed like it was something more."

she sighed deeply, "well.. i've– i've never been to a doctors appointment. never touched a sonogram or even heard a baby's heartbeat until two days ago." she chuckled nervously, "i didn't even know laila's gender until the day of her birth. i couldnt quite be there for her "mom" the way i wanted because the streets and drugs took over her while she was carrying. i was nervous because before walking in there, i knew it was some things i was supposed to know already and i knew nothing. i had no idea what i was even looking at on the screen." she wiped the tears that managed to slip. i never knew any of this. "on the bright side i have you and i'm more than happy to be here with you experiencing these beautiful moments. i'll cherish those things forever."

i didn't realizing i was crying until i bit into my sandwich and the bread was wet. "im sorry you went through that..." i trailed off wrapping my arms around her waist, "just know that i will go far to make sure you never have to go through it again. even with all of that you still came out strong and you're the best mom any child could have. also, we can learn everything together. you don't have to do it alone anymore– well you're not gonna do anything alone anymore because ill be right behind you. okay?"

i wiped her eyes and kissed her 3 times.. 4 for good luck.

she chuckled and nodded. "was that last line supposed to be you being possessive or sweet?"

i shrugged and went back to eating my sandwich, "both."

i could get a little crazy sometimes.. especially about her.