ʜᴇʀ ᴀꜱꜱɪꜱᴛᴀɴᴛ | ᴛᴀʀᴀꜱɪᴀ

ꜱɪxᴛʏ ꜱᴇᴠᴇɴ

ꜰᴀɴᴛᴀꜱɪᴀ ʙᴀʀʀɪɴᴏ
ɴᴏᴠᴇᴍʙᴇʀ 21, 2020

tab's porch light was already on when i pulled into her driveway. she must've been watching for us, because before i even got the car fully in park, the door opened and she stepped out wearing one of those long robes she only brings out when she's worried.

"come here, baby."

i didn't even make it halfway up the walkway before her arms were around me. i let out this shaky breath i didn't know i'd been holding and just melt into her shoulder.

"what happened?" she asked quietly.

"later," i whispered. "please. just later."

she nodded, no more questions, and looked over my shoulder at laila, who was half-asleep in the backseat clutching her reindeer.

"hey, bug," tab said softly. "you ready for a sleepover?"

laila perked up instantly. "yes!"

that little smile made something in me unclench. she was fine. as long as she was fine, i could breathe a little.

inside, the guest room was already made up, fairy lights along the headboard, extra pillows piled high. laila gasped like it was christmas morning.

"you outdid yourself, tab," i said, my voice cracking even though i tried to laugh it off.

"you needed comfort," she said simply. "and my babies always got a bed here."

laila was tucked in within ten minutes, tablet on low volume, reindeer in one arm and one of tab's throw blankets in the other. she was asleep before the second cartoon even started.

i stood in the doorway just watching her for a bit, hand on my belly. "she doesn't even know what's really going on," i murmured.

"and she doesn't need to," tab said from behind me. "kids deserve their peace. it's our job to make sure they keep it."

i nodded, turning away before the tears could fall.

downstairs, the living room was quiet. tab poured me some chamomile tea and sat across from me, one leg tucked under her.

"you wanna tell me now?" she asked softly.

i stared into the cup. "raji kept something from me. something big. i don't even know how to feel about it, it's like im hurt but also numb. it's confusing."

tab turned to me, "what was it?"

"....laila's biological mother back, and she's talking about wanting custody of laila."

tab's face went still. "oh, hell no."

"yeah," i whispered. "she ran into raji at some store and decided she wants to be a mother again now that she's 'clean.' and instead of coming to me with it, raji tried to handle it herself. shut me out. every night she's been up doing God knows what on that laptop, looking like she's falling apart."

"so you packed up and came here."

"yeah. i had to." i put my hand over my stomach. "i can't take that kind of stress. not for me and especially not for the baby."

tab nodded slowly. "you did the right thing, tai. distance don't mean done. sometimes it just means rest."

her words hit harder than i wanted them to. i leaned back on the couch, head tilted against the cushion, eyes burning.

"i adore her so much, tab. it's ridiculous how much. and i know she meant well but—" i stopped, swallowing the lump in my throat. "she's so used to surviving alone that she don't know how to let someone stand next to her. not even me."

tab sighed, reaching over to squeeze my hand. "that woman's been through hell and back. don't forget, survival was her full-time job for a long time. it's hard for people like that to just switch it off. but she'll come around. she loves you, deeply."

"i know." my voice broke again. "that's why this hurts so bad."

for a while, neither of us said anything. i stared at the candle on the coffee table while my thumb rubbed slow circles over my belly.

after a few minutes, my phone lit up on the cushion beside me. raji was calling...i let it ring out. she called again.

tab glanced over. "you gonna answer?"

i shook my head. "not yet. if i hear her voice right now, i'll run home. and i can't. not tonight."

"then don't," she said. "let her sit with it. sometimes that's the only way folks learn to open up."

i nodded, even though the tears finally started slipping down. i wiped them away fast, embarrassed.

tab just leaned over, wrapping an arm around my shoulders, pulling me in the way only she could. "you're safe here, baby. laila's safe. that's all that matters tonight. the rest'll sort itself out."

i nodded against her shoulder, letting my eyes fall shut.

"you think she's okay?" i mumbled.

"she's probably sitting in that big ole house talking to the ceiling, wishing she'd done things different," tab said softly. "give her time. she'll figure it out."

i sighed, voice trembling. "i hate sleeping without her."

tab smiled faintly. "then don't sleep yet. cry a little, pray a lot, and when the sun comes up—you'll start fresh. i promise."

so i did. i cried quietly until my chest didn't feel so heavy. then i prayed over our family, over raji's peace, over the baby that deserved calm.

and when i finally closed my eyes on that couch, i could still feel her hand on my belly from earlier, the warmth of her kiss lingering like something i couldn't wash off even if i tried. i missed her.