ʜᴇʀ ᴀꜱꜱɪꜱᴛᴀɴᴛ | ᴛᴀʀᴀꜱɪᴀ

ꜱɪxᴛʏ ꜰᴏᴜʀ

ꜰᴀɴᴛᴀꜱɪᴀ ʙᴀʀʀɪɴᴏ
ɴᴏᴠᴇᴍʙᴇʀ 18, 2020

the house was extremely quiet. laila had been knocked out for hours. i drifted off somewhere between her and raji's laughter. when i reached over half asleep, her side of the bed was cold. again. i blinked a few times, squinting toward the empty space beside me. no raji.

for a second, i told myself she probably went to grab water but after a few minutes passed and i still didn't hear her footsteps, curiosity got the best of me. i threw the covers back and put my robe on, waddling quietly down the hall. the light i saw was coming from the living room.

there she was—on the couch, laptop open in front of her, face lit up by the screen. her brows were pulled tight, eyes darting across whatever she was reading. it seemed to be something serious. something that didn't look like midnight online shopping. i leaned against the staircase for a second, just watching her. the way her jaw flexed. the way she kept rubbing her thumb against her palm like she was trying to calm herself down.

"you can't sleep either?" i said softly, stepping closer.

she startled a little, snapping the laptop half-shut. "jesus– hey, beauty. you scared me."

"sorry," i murmured, sitting the laptop aside and climbing right into her lap before she could object. her hands automatically went to my waist and then my bump, steadying me like they always do.

"what's all that?" i asked, glancing over at the screen.

"just... some online stuff," she said, voice light but not convincing.

i tilted my head, pretending to believe her, though my gut said otherwise. "mm-hmm. well, your 'online stuff' can wait till morning." i wrapped my arms around her neck and pressed my forehead against hers. "i can't sleep without you."

she smiled, soft and guilty. "you're spoiled."

"yeah, by you" i teased, brushing my nose against hers.

for a moment, the tension in her shoulders melted. she kissed me slow and steady like as if she was grounding herself in the only peace she knew. but even with her arms around me, i could feel it. something was off. her heartbeat was faster than normal. her eyes lingered somewhere else, like her mind was miles away.

"you sure everything's okay?" i whispered against her lips.

she nodded too quickly. "yeah, baby. everything's fine. go back to sleep. i'll be up in a sec."

i didn't push. i just kissed her once more, longer this time, before slipping off her lap. as i walked back toward the bedroom, i glanced over my shoulder. she was already staring at the screen again, face hardening back into focus.

and i knew then—whatever she was up to, it wasn't just "online stuff." it was something deeper.

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ꜰᴀɴᴛᴀꜱɪᴀ ʙᴀʀʀɪɴᴏ
ɴᴏᴠᴇᴍʙᴇʀ 19, 2020

the smell of breakfast hit my nose before i even opened my eyes. raji was already up—again. that made two nights in a row she barely slept, and i didn't like it.

i rolled over, rubbing my belly. by the time i made it to the kitchen, raji had the whole counter covered with breakfast sausage, scrambled eggs, bacon, fruit bowls, biscuits. like she was cooking off her nerves.

"good morning, beauty," she said, smiling.

"morning." i leaned against the island, watching her move. she looked tired. not her usual tired...the kind that comes after a sleepless night full of thinking.

laila skipped in with her christmas pajamas on, climbing up on a stool. "mama, can i have extra bacon?"

"you can have two pieces. three if you say please."

"please!" she said instantly, grinning.

raji laughed, reaching over to pinch her cheek. "you got it, jellybean."

i sat down across from them, eyes on raji. she was moving around the kitchen like she needed to stay busy—checking the oven even though nothing was in it, rinsing a clean cup, rearranging the same napkin twice.

"you didn't come to bed till late," i said casually, breaking off a piece of biscuit.

"yeah," she said quickly, pouring juice into laila's cup. "just had a couple things to finish up."

"mm." i took a sip of tea, keeping my tone light. "you always finish your 'couple things' with that face on?"

she froze mid-pour. "what face?"

"that serious one," i said, mimicking her expression—brows furrowed, lips tight. laila giggled. "laila look at her, baby, she act like she be running the CIA."

"you play too much," raji said, laughing but not all the way relaxed. she slid my plate in front of me and kissed the top of my head. "just making sure everything's handled before thanksgiving. that's all."

"you sure?" i asked softly, eyes searching hers.

she held my gaze a little too long, then smiled again. "positive."

i smiled, but inside, i was still watching her. the way her jaw tightened when she thought i wasn't looking. the way she kept checking her phone like she was waiting on something. something wasn't right and i didn't know what yet but i'm gonna find out.