ʜᴇʀ ᴀꜱꜱɪꜱᴛᴀɴᴛ | ᴛᴀʀᴀꜱɪᴀ

ꜱɪxᴛʏ ꜱɪx

ꜰᴀɴᴛᴀꜱɪᴀ ʙᴀʀʀɪɴᴏ
ɴᴏᴠᴇᴍʙᴇʀ 21, 2020

laila had fallen asleep in her bed hours ago, her little stuffed reindeer tucked under her arm. i was in ours, curled on my side, staring at the empty half of the mattress that should've been warm by now.

raji still hadn't come to bed.

again.

i could hear the faint clicking of her laptop keys from downstairs. every few seconds, the chair creaked or a page flipped. my chest felt heavy just listening to it.

i tried to go to sleep. i even prayed over the baby, over their peace, over our house, but my body wouldn't rest. not when i knew the woman i needed was sitting down there fighting a ghost she wouldn't tell me about.

finally, i threw the covers off and quietly walked down the stairs barefoot.

she was right where i knew she'd be once again—on the couch, laptop open, blue light spilling across her face. she didn't even notice me at first. her fingers hovered over the keyboard, her eyes red-rimmed and tired.

"babe" i whispered.

she jumped a little, closing the laptop halfway. "tasia, what you doing up, beauty? you should be sleeping."

"i was," i said softly, walking closer. "but it's kinda hard to sleep when my woman keeps sneaking off every night like she's hiding something."

her eyes flickered, but she didn't answer.

i straddled her lap slowly, careful with my belly, my hands resting against her shoulders. "talk to me."

she tried to look away, but i tilted her chin back toward me. "raji."

her voice came out low, rough. "i can't right now, tasia. please."

that stung more than i wanted to admit. "can't or won't?"

"both," she said, breathing out hard. "i just—i need to handle this on my own before it gets worse."

i frowned. "before what gets worse?"

she shut the laptop and rubbed her forehead, muttering something that sounded like a prayer. "please, babe. i'm begging you to just trust me on this one."

"i do trust you," i snapped, the words sharper than i meant. "but you're not giving me anything to trust. you've been cold, distracted, jumpy... if im being honest, i don't even recognize you right now. what the hell is going on, taraji?"

she stood up, gently moving me off her lap. "i don't wanna stress you out."

"too late."

she froze, shoulders tense.

"you think me not knowing is easier?" i said, my voice trembling now. "you think it's less stressful watching you unravel in front of me? i'm pregnant, raji, not blind. you haven't been here. not really."

silence and then the question of curiosity leaped through me. "is there someone else?"

she frowned, mouth falling agape. "no. of course not."

"so then what are you keeping from me raji?"

her throat bobbed. "i'm sorry. i just—"

i cut her off, tears stinging my eyes. "no. don't say sorry unless you mean it. 'cause the truth is, you're fighting some battle by yourself and locking me out of it. i didn't get with you to watch you drown in silence."

she turned away, breathing hard, and that's when i heard her voice cracking, almost a whisper. "raegen wants custody."

everything in me went still. "what?"