Broken (Timids)

Explaining

Drews PoV
    "I'm sorry Drew" he whispered after a few moments of silence, his voice so low it was almost inaudible. He sounded so upset but I didn't understand why. He wasn't supposed to care for me like this, bandaging my cuts and apologising to me, he was supposed to scream at me for being selfish and pathetic and for not being strong enough to deal with the pain in a better way. He was supposed to get mad and kick me out of the flat, telling me I had never belonged here anyway. I didn't belong anywhere, not anymore. I felt so out of place all of a sudden when I was around Shane, like I wasn't good enough compared to the rest of the world.

The one place I felt safe, truly safe, was in my timids arms, when he would cuddle up to my small form during our movie nights. I felt safe when I cuddled close to him in our shared bed, as I wrapped my arms and legs around his torso like a monkey, clinging to a high branch. That's exactly how it felt, like I was clinging onto Shane for dear life, and I hadn't noticed until now that the sheer weight of me and my problems was dragging him down into the rocky chasm below too.

I lifted my gaze slowly from the floor to see tears poking out of the corners of Shane's emerald eyes. He looked as though he was trying to keep in his tears and he raised his arm and wiped underneath his eyes, where his eyeliner would usually be placed. The sight of him looking so broken hurt me inside, especially by the thought, by the slight possibility of it being me he was crying for. I knew I was insane to even consider it but it was a nice thought, to have somebody care that much for me. However, it was impossible for someone as perfect as Shane to care that dearly for a loser like me. An orphan. A weirdo. A freak.

I quickly dismissed these depressing thoughts with a shake of the head, knowing now was neither the time or the place. I couldn't break down anymore today in front of Shane, he already knew too much. He knew more than I had ever wanted anyone to know. But, he had stayed by my side and helped me, surely that meant something...

" don't cry Shane" I begged quietly, unable to watch the man in front of me break down for any longer. It physically killed me inside, but I wasn't a hundred percent sure why. I cared for my friends and I had seen all the others cry at least once and it had made me a little sad, but with Shane it was different. I physically couldn't watch it without wanting to burst into tears myself.

" s-sorry Drew but I can't help it" he sobbed, his voice shaky. He reached up with his sleeve and once again began to wipe under his eyes to catch any falling tears. He tried to stop crying but even I could tell he was struggling. Upon instinct I wrapped my arms around him and held him tightly as he sobbed against me, his body shaking. I rubbed soothing circles into my timids back, in an attempt to calm him down, just like he had done for me this afternoon. I rested my head in his chest and just listened to the thudding of his heart, the steady beating of it calming me down too.

After a few seconds, Shane's crying stopped and he distangled himself from me. For some reason, I wanted him to stay. My whole body felt cold without his heat around me.

" What's wrong Shane?" I asked him gently, hoping that the answer wasn't something to do with me. I couldn't bear to make him cry, especially after all he did for me all these years. He was the reason I only cut instead of doing something a lot more drastic and joining my family once and for all. He was the reason I still got up in a morning, even though I knew my day would most likely end in a lot of new scars and another broken smile. He had taken me in when nobody else wanted me, when nobody else cared about me. He had offered me friendship and hope when I was convinced all hope was lost and showed me that perhaps there was still a chance for me in this world, no matter how slight. He had done so much for me to keep me here, and to keep me going. He didn't deserve this, just like I didn't deserve him.

" shouldn't I be the one asking you that question?" He questioned, chuckling slightly. I merely shrugged, not knowing what else to say. I didn't want to tell him this but he did deserve an explanation, even if that was the only thing I could give him.