Broken (Timids)

Living a lie

  Drews PoV
     I sighed happily as I snuggled closer to Shane and his warmth. The timid in question was still blissfully asleep on the bed beside, releasing cute little snores every so often. His hair was plastered up slightly from where he had slept on it but in my opionion, this just made him look cuter than he already was. In a morning, Shane was the most adorable person you could be around, even if he did almost occasionally fall asleep on your toast. His eyelids would be dropping dangerously low over his beautiful, emerald eyes and his voice would still be groggy from his sleep as he sipped at his morning coffee, hoping the caffeine boost would help him wake up properly. It often took Shane a while to wake up properly and for about half an hour on some mornings he was completely gormless, almost falling into things due to his lack of attention.

I had always completely been in awe of Shane in mornings, that much I could not deny and it had always been the highlight of my day. I loved hearing his deep, throaty voice I a morning, often telling me that he needed more coffee. I, of course, would instantly oblige to his wishes and pour his mug full of steaming, hot coffee. Before he could get to the coffee, some mornings I had to grip his arm and physically lead him to his seat, scared that if I didn't, he would fall over and get hurt. Also, if Shane was extremely tired on the mornings it was his turn to cook for everyone, I would tactfully offer to do it, so he didn't burn himself or the food. On busy school mornings a trip to the hospital causality room was the last thing any of us needed.

As I shifted closer to Shane, his arms instinctively tightened around my waist, holding me securely, even though he still remained in his peaceful slumber. For a moment I considered waking him up with one of my 'wooly attacks'  but I instantly thought better of that idea as I caught sight of the dark, prominent circles underneath Shane's eyes, clearly caused by lack of sleep. I just hoped that they weren't caused from him staying awake nearly all night worrying about me, as they had been a quite few times before. Either that or they were caused by me accidentally waking him up when I started screaming in the night, begging in my sleep for the nightmares to stop. He always declared he didn't mind waking up with me, that he would rather be woken than me having to sit and suffer by myself, in the darkness. He was so kind to me like that, even though everyone knew deep down that there was no way in hell that I deserved it. I was just a burden after all.

I wished Shane didn't worry about me so much, it really wasn't fair on him. He had enough to concentrate on, such as his part time job at Asda and passing his big art exams, already stressful enough without adding me to the equation. He shouldn't have to feel responsible for the burden that was me but for some reason, he always did. He was supposed to hate me when he found out about the cutting and how I rarely ate the food I was offered. but instead he wiped away my many tears and promised to help me get better and be happy again. In a way, it would have been better if he'd hated me like he was supposed to; that way he wouldn't have to worry and I knew deep down that I would deserve it.

I looked down at Shane, my heart filled with sadness as I wished that things could be different between us. I wish that I was confident enough to tell him how I felt, exactly how I felt, but I was too scared of the rejection that was sure to come with it. After all, guys like me and guys like Shane just couldn't go together, he was just too good for me and he always would be. He deserved someone charming and handsome, who could properly protect him and treat him like the cutie he is. I wasn't any of that stuff, and I couldn't even manage to protect myself, let alone him. As for treating him like the cutie he is, I would try my best, of course I would,  but I would fail, just like I always did. I couldn't be what he wanted, I couldn't be what he needed. And that killed me a little bit more inside everyday.

I thought that I would finally be happy now, but as usual, I was devastatingly wrong. Kier couldn't provide me the happiness that Shane could, as he was lusting completely after Laurence. I thought a relationship would help me get my mind off Shane but instead it pulled me towards him more as kier pushed me away. It wasn't exactly kiers fault, we had both created this relationship for our own personal gain, not out of feelings. I didn't even hold any feelings for kier other than friendly feelings, I had just hoped.... Fuck, I didn't even know anymore. What had I even gotten myself into?