Broken (Timids)

Broken

Drews PoV
   I bit my lip to stop myself from crying out loud as I dragged the sharp razor across my already scarred wrist. I had done this way too many times before but I couldn't stop now, it was like an addiction to me. I had no other way to resolve my many problems and nobody had ever taught me how to deal with the pain inside in a different way, that didn't result in my arms slowly becoming filled with ugly scars. Nobody cared that I took pleasure in completely destroying myself, in fact most people would congratulate me on it if they happened to find out. They all thought I was worthless anyway, and that I should die. They told me at every chance they got, rubbing it in that their lives were so much better than mine.

It was the same everyday and I had started my self harm around two years ago when I first realised the relief that could come from the quick drag of a razor across my skin, and the cut the blade would make. Ever since then, I did it almost daily. It was very rare I didn't and my arm was full of scars, both new and old, to prove it. I tried to cover them up with wristbands on the odd occasion I wore a short sleeved top but as a general rule, I wore a long sleeved top that wasn't see through. I also never rolled my sleeves up or cried out loud, except for very late at night, when everyone was asleep. Nobody ever heard me and I didn't want them to worry.

They worried about me enough, especially Shane, my timid. He was like my older brother, at my side in an instant if the tiniest thing went wrong in my life, or us I showed the smallest signs of upset in my expression. All I had to do was cry out for him and he would be there to make me feel better as quickly as possible, even if I was just being stupid and sensitive again. He would always say ' if it's serious enough to make you cry, it's obviously important'. He was so kind and understanding like that, I really didn't deserve him. I never really had, but still he stuck by me through everything, like the nightmares that appeared in flurries and haunted my sleep, plus all the times I would burst into tears in his view. He didn't care that I had woken him up when I had nightmares as he would hug me close until I fell asleep peacefully once more, declaring that it it was fine, and that he wanted to help me. He even gave up his room to Kier so he could stay in my room with me, just in case I had a nightmare.

So why couldn't I tell him about this? I hear you ask. Because this was my deepest secret, one that I had never told anyone before. I didn't plan on starting now. I just didn't want him to hate me for my weakness, or for him to find my pain pathetic. He was the closest thing I had to family now and if I lost him, I would be truly alone n the world.

My own family died when I was only fourteen, in a car accident on the way to pick me up from school. At first, when they didn't get there on time I just assumed they were stuck in traffic, like any normal kid would if they were placed in my situation at that age. But as the hours passed, I realised that wasn't the case, and that there had to be a proper reason they hadn't picked me up. I checked my phone every single second but I had no new messages, despite the thousands I had sent them, inquiring about where they were and how long they would take to arrive at my school. My older sister literally had to be torn away from her phone to be rowed away from the electronic device, so I knew there was no way she didn't get my messages.

I kept coming up with lots of ridiculous theories in my terror, each of them getting more and more outrageous that the previous; they were having a joke with me to freak me out, they had forgotten where the school was due to a minor household accident, they were secretly spies and their mission had overrun dreadfully, meaning they couldn't get home in time for me. However, when my class teacher came back, white-faced after having received a phone call, I knew something had gone wrong, though I couldn't guess what it was. I didn't understand why she was so upset but she wouldn't tell me until I had sat myself down at her desk and helped myself to a biscuit, which had left me even more confused. Was I in trouble?