Everyone at some point in your life will tell you that heartbreak doesn't last forever, that if something ends then there's obviously a valid reason behind it and they tell you that in time you learn to move on and eventually find happiness with someone else. If your young you believe most things that people tell you so that you remain optimistic with life but when your old enough to understand that it was all a lie what do you do then? when you've tried everything you can think of but nothing works, what then?
When me and Louis broke up just over a year ago it was because he told me he'd fallen in love with a girl from Manchester called Eleanor Calder, I'd seen pictures of them in magazines looking as though they were on dates but when i'd brought them up Louis swore to me there was nothing going on and me being the naive person i was back then believed him. It was around 2 months into their 'affair' when i found out the truth, He'd tried to tell me he was sorry but i knew it was a lie, he wasn't and we both knew it so i left, I left without telling him the biggest secret i'd probably ever kept in my life..
When i left Louis i was 3 months pregnant.
For the next 2 months i moved back in with my parents and wallowing in my self pity for days at a time. I spent most of my time thinking about what was going to happen when the baby was born, Would Louis find out? Could i manage to keep it a secret from just about everyone? Who could i actually trust with the secret? All of the questions were ones i knew i couldn't answer for a long time and if i was to be honest i wasn't sure i ever wanted to answer them.
Finally after deciding i couldn't stay with my parents forever i did the only thing i could in a situation like this, I bought an apartment on the opposite side of London to everyone i knew and ran away from all of my problems even though i knew there was one going to stick with me for the rest of my life.
Once i was settled in i realised that there wasn't much i could do since i didn't know the area all the that well and i didn't trust myself to go out in case i got lost and couldn't find my way home so instead i decided to stay on the sofa watching the television flicking through all the channels i like but i soon discovered that they all liked featuring things about the boys and in specific, Louis and Eleanor.
Every time a relationship question came up he answered with the same sort of things, or so i thought at the time. It started with "We're fantastic" "We're great" "We're good" and ended in "We're fine". Of course they still questioned him about me from time to time and how it looked like he was a player for getting with Eleanor not even a week after we broke up and each time i could see something flash across his face that looked like guilt but as soon as it appeared it was gone and a witty comment was made meaning the interviewer forgot his train of thought along with me.
Eventually i found new tv shows to watch that didn't involve interviewing famous boy bands and i soon found myself forgetting about the brown haired blue eyed boy that millions of people all over the world continued to obsess about daily. I was around 7 months pregnant when i decided to go for a day out in Central London with my parents, I didn't notice paparazzi following us, snapping pictures, writing stories and publishing them all around the world.
It was the day after that i did when i got a text message from my mum with a picture of a magazine headline that read "Louis Tomlinsons Ex, Too Many Cakes, Or A Well Kept Secret?" As i finished looking at the picture which clearly showed my bump i didn't know whether i wanted to throw up or cry. I'd done so well hiding away from the world, away from all the haters that didn't want me around from day one and now i was back in the lime light, the one place i didn't want to be.
People tried to call me, the boys of One Direction except Louis, Their management, old friends, family members put with each call came another press on the red button and thankfully after a while everyone gave up and i went through the last 2 months of my pregnancy in peace giving birth to a little boy who i named Ryan Valentine Tomlinson - Austra, because even if Louis didn't know about him Ryan's still his son DNA wise and no matter how much wrong Louis had done i wasn't going to take that privilege away from him.
