Shuffling over to the coffee table my eyes scanned over the 4 books placed face up staring at me right in the face, Book 1; Letting Go, Book 2; Moving On. 3;Finding Someone New and lastly Book 4; Closure. Letting a loud sigh escape my lips i quickly stacked them all into a neat pile in front of the television as they were no longer useful to me since i'd read them all atleast twice. Next i turned to the television to see that Friends, Inbetweeners and Celebrity Juice were on, The only problem was i'd seen them all already and there was nothing other than them that could make me laugh like i used to
I tried seeing a hypnotherapist to try and get the memories erased from my mind but somehow they always found their way back in asif trapping me in the world of a never ending nightmare, Next came the medatating, Everyone told me it helped to clense all the bad energy and tensions that may be running through your body but it didn't work, Nothing seemed to be working for me anymore. It didn't matter what suggestions i was given nobody know the best way for me to get over this break up, Not even me.
I clearly remember the first time i walked into the therapists 'office' from the moment she sat me down on her long white couch to let me explain everything that had happened over the past few months causing me to laugh, cry and smile but not once did she interrupt whilst i poured my heart out to her and only spoke up right at the very end to give me her judgement. 'Six degrees of seperation' are the first words she told me. At first i didn't have a clue what she was on about and to be honest when she'd explained i still didn't but i nodded my head and humoured her opinion up to the moment when i walked back out of the office 2 hours later still being none the wiser.
After i'd left though something didn't seem right, I began having a debate with myself about her words, I was doing fine wasn't i? Pretending seemed to be working as instead of a leacture about needing more help she simply gave me another book that joined the pile i already had as soon as i got home. Deciding i'd had enough for one day i changed into a pair of blue jeans, a blue and white stripey tshirt, Combed my hair and headed out to the one place i knew would help me forget my troubles in less than an hour.. The pub.
When i walked in i was greeted by people dancing to the upbeat tempo of the music, Others buying drinks and people who were too excited for their own good standing with a partner in a corner which caused my heart to pound as i was faced with all the times me and Liam did that together. As the night ticked by people began to leave whilst others just arrived but me? I did neither and simply stayed in my seat drinking beer after beer until a boy about my age appeared at the side of me holding out what looked like a cigarette despite the curious glances i was giving him as he placed it in my hand.
Knowing i had nothing to lose i nodded in appreciation to the boy beside me, Used his lighter to light the far end and took a puff only to discover that it wasn't tobacco like i'd thought, It was a whole lot stronger and the twist? I liked it and therefore continued taking long drags of the substance no matter how messed up my eyesight became, It took away my past and that's exactly what i needed right now.
I don't remember much from the night but 2 days have passed and i seem to have just got rid of the last remaining symptoms as i walk back through the door of my therapists only this time i'm not alone, People put their arms around eachother and welcome me into the circle as people began to tell stories and before long it was my turn so just like everyone else i was completely honest and in some sort of strange way it felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest as everyone asked me if i was okay, People began asking me if i was okay and all i could do was place a fake smile on my face before telling them that my lifes okay, But it's not. I wish somebody would notice that all these things were just cries of attention.. I know he would... But i drove him away into the arms of Danielle.
When the meetings over i take the same route home more depressed than ever as i plop down on my couch looking around for something to do since i refused to talk to the boys since they knew about Liams cheating scandal which meant i was the only one with no one to talk to anymore. Around 5 minutes passed but as i glanced towards the coffee table i noticed glossy pages reflecting in the sunlight, Picking it up i began flicking through the first few pages finally getting to one that looked slightly intresting.
