Affliction | cashton |

Chapter Nine: Thoughts

Calum sipped on a warm glass of cherry wine, Oblivion by Bastille playing softly on his laptop. He had his locks replaced, adding another lock to his bedroom door. The gun that Ashton had given him was placed beside his laptop, a clean razor placed beside the gun.

Thoughts of his therapy session came into his mind. He told Dr. Wren he wondered what it would feel like to hurt himself again. How he would do it. When he would do it. Now he's at a crossroad. He can pick up the clean razor and put the wondering to rest, but if he did that he would be throwing away all of his hard work. All those nights of resisting the urge to disfigure his own skin would be thrown away.

Or, he can add onto those nights of resistance and put the metal object away. Throw it out the window and watch it fall far out of his reach. Calum then looked over at the small, black handgun. The object called his name, wanting him to pick it up, to hold it to his broken heart and pull the trigger.

He was stronger than that and he knew it. That doesn't mean the urge isn't still there, stronger then ever before.

Despite the voices in his head screaming at him to pick up one of the objects he stood up. He shut his laptop so the music abruptly stopped and stormed off to his room. He locked the door and jumped into bed.

He laid on his back, his fingers intertwined on his stomach, slightly shaking. He stared at the ceiling, his eyes picturing the one person he wanted the most.

Ashton was the person now on his mind. Calum told him that he didn't trust him, he told him he knew what he did, the people he hurt. Calum watched Ashton's eyes drop to the floor. He heard him curse loudly after leaving his apartment. He heard him throwing objects at the wall and cursing to himself.

Tears fell from Calum's eyes as he thought about the brown eyed boy. How he misjudged him, how all he wanted when Marco had him was for Ashton to come and rescue him. His conversation with Marco rang in his ears as he closed her eyes.

"Let me go" Calum calmly said as Marco stripped the duct tape from his mouth. He chuckled as he sat down in a chair directly in front of him. He wasn't hurt in any way but he remembered falling in and out of consciousness. The needle holes that were scattered all over him arms could have something to do with it. His scars were visible seeing as Marco took his sweater off of his body. 

Calum  felt calmer than when he was at the bar. The clear liquid that Marco continously shot into his arm calmed his nerves almost immediately.

"I want to have a little conversation with you" Marco said. His repulsing green eyes stared into his brown orbs. A smirk placed on his ghastly lips.

"About what?" Calum asked. He relaxed in the chair, leaning back and waiting for Marco to speak.

"About our buddy Ashton" the name sent a shock through his body. All he wanted was to see the hazel eyed boy, to look into his eyes and know that everything is ok.

"What about him?" Calum  asked. Marco leaned forward and rested his elbows on his thighs.

"I bet you didn't know that Ashton used to work for me" Calum's eyebrows furrowed with the information. Calum knew Ashton had to have known Marco but he wasn't expecting that the hazel eyed boy worked for the douche, although now thinking about it, he should have suspected it.

"Work how?" Calum asked.

"You see Ash is the guy everyone called when people owed a lot of money. Ash would come by get the address then pay the lucky guy a visit. Sometimes they would disappear, sometimes they would just end up in the hospital" Marco smirked. Calum's breathe hitched, his heart beating rapidly in his chest. He felt stupid for trusting someone like him, he was secretive and he never liked that.

"Why should I believe you?" Calum spat. Marco chuckled, leaning back in his chair.

"When he comes to rescue you, you'll see. He'll take you back to his shitty apartment and when you see him again his knuckles will be bloody, and when you see that you'll know" Marco stood up again, leaning over Calum. He pulled a needle out of his pocket and pulled the cap off with his teeth, spitting it onto the ground.

Calum starting screaming for him not to do it. He pleaded but Marco would iust chuckle.

Calum gave up.

Calum leaned up so his mouth was close to his captors ear.

"You're a dick" he muttered the three words with such hatred that Marco felt it in his gut. He swallowed hard before sticking the needle into his arm and letting the liquid spill into his veins.

Their conversation played over and over again in Calum's head. He rubbed his hand over his arm, feeling the tiny holes that the needles left. He was surprised he didn't overdose on whatever Marco was feeding his veins.

But he's glad she didn't. They would have thought he did it to herself, that's the conclusion they would have jumped to. His mother would have made Michael move in again, Dr. Wren would lose all confidence in him, he didn't need that.

-

He was on his mind again. The way he looked at him made Ashton want to throw himself out of the window. He couldn't get his words out of his head.

I don't trust you.

The four simple words were eating away at his heart. He felt sick to his stomach as the image of Calum's fearful expression played in his mind. Every time he closed his eyes he could see it, that expression.

Ashton was laid on his bed, his mattress felt rock solid beneath his back. But he could still feel the Maori boy on it, the warmth of his body still lingered on the material, his familiar scent of coconut filled his nose every time he took a breath. He was torturing himself, laying on the bed that Calum's scent loitered on, picturing his tearful eyes.

He needed an escape, he wanted to forget. And that's what he planned on doing. He stood up from his bed and changed into a fresh pair of jeans. He slipped on a black tee shirt and wiped the tears he was previously oblivious to. He slid his shoes on as he grabbed his house key and slid it into his pocket. He shook his head as he walked out of the front door, his mind set on forgetting.

Forgetting the boy he so desperately wanted to be with.