Affliction | cashton |

Chapter Nineteen: visit

He should have suspected it.

He should have known.

After three weeks Calum took it upon himself to start breathing on his own and wake up. Michael was ecstatic, hugging him tightly. He should be happy, but who attempts suicide and wakes up the next morning with a smile on their face? Calum walked around like a zombie, not completely dead, but practically brain dead. He blinks slowly, dark bags under his eyes, the shaking of his hands never completely stopping. He didn't know it was possible but his mood dropped even more when his mother showed up with papers signing him back into the hospital. Now he has weekly therapy sessions with Dr Wren, he isn't allowed to take his anxiety medication or anti depressants because his mother told them not to give him any.

The only reason Calum is even the slightest bit happy that his mother showed up is because she's paying for the water damage in his aparment, otherwise he could care less if the women was around. Micheal pops in practically every 5 seconds to check up on him. It's been two months since he attempted to end his life, 5 weeks since he started breathing on his own, and 4 weeks since he was admitted back into the hospital. It wasn't as much of a hospital as it is a rehabilitation center, but mainly for depression and mental illness rather than drugs.

"Calum it's time for lunch" a nurse popped into her room with a smile. Calum rolled his eyes as he swung his legs over the uncomfortable hospital bed, the ugly blue and white sheets were screaming to be burned. He stood up, the blue slippers he was given touching the tiled floor. The walls were the same ugly cream color as the rest of the hospital. He walked out of the room and followed the nurse down to the cafeteria. He was given a tray of mashed potatoes, green beans, and an ugly piece of dry chicken, it was more sad than ugly.

He took a seat beside a kid who looks about 15. His dark hair was swept over his eyes, his wrists were bandaged, he had his fork hovering over his food, playing with the food rather than eating it. He glanced up at Calum, rolled his eyes, then looked back down.

"I tried pills. It's not as peaceful as they make it out to be" Calum mused as she stuck a green bean in his mouth, spitting it back out when he tasted it. He faintly smiled when he heard the kid chuckle.

"Why'd you try?" The kid asked.

"Cause I was sad and heartbroken" Calum mumbled. "What about you?"

"My mom died when I was 12 and my dad blames me so he hits me sometimes. Everyone at school hates me, I just wanted it all to end. I wanted to feel ok" he explained in a dead tone. Calum set his hand over top of the one the kid had resting on the table. He looked up at Calum, tears in his eyes.

"People suck. But I guess we also just suck at living" Calum said.

"I'm Oliver" The boy said.

"I'm Calum" the brunette smiled.

"How old are you?" The boy asked curiously.

"I'm twenty one" Calum answered.

"I'm fifteen" Calum silently praised himself for guessing the boy's age correctly.

"Let's make an agreement Oliver, I'll make sure you're able to look past your scars and I'll look past mine but we have to promise each other to never try things like this again. The world sucks ass but that's no reason to back down, let's just agree to keep moving on. Deal?"

"Deal"

-

Ashton exhaled a puff of white smoke as he stared at the building. He flicked his cigarette onto the ground and smashed it under his shoe before walking towards the entrance.

It's been more than two months and he's far past insane. There's never a second of the day where Calum's not on his mind, he can see the pill bottle when he closes his eyes, he has nightmares about seeing the brunettes lifeless body in that bathtub. With the stabbing nerves in his belly he walked into the building. It weirdly smelled like vanilla, not many people were in the waiting room. He walked up to the desk where an average sized blonde stood behind a computer. Her name tag read April. Ashton walked up to her and cleared his throat to get her attention.

"Can I help you?" She asked politely. Ashton was nervous beyond belief, he felt like throwing up. All he wanted to do was watch the boy's chest rise and fall, that's all he wanted.

"I was wondering if I could see Calum hood" he explained. The girl started typing on the computer before sliding him a clip board and a visitors sticker.

"Just sign in and I'll get a nurse to take you" she said. Ashton thanked her before filling out the small detail needed.

Not much later a male nurse walked out of the back and waved Ashton over. He was fiddling with his fingers as he walked behind the male. He stopped infront of a door which he unlocked and pushed open, gesturing for him to go inside. He took a deep breath before walking inside. Tears filled his eyes and a weight was removed from his chest when he saw the boy, his hair was a few centimeters longer, he couldn't see his face seeing as he was turned away from him but he could see the exhaling from his back.

"Calum you have a visitor" the nurse said before walking out. I wanted to punch him for not letting me just look at him while I still could.

"Michael you've been here a thousand times and you ask the same question each time. I'm fine. I'm not dead. And I'll still be alive tomorrow" Calum said in a low, annoyed tone.

"Don't turn around" Ashton whispered. He could see Calum's body stiffen but he listened to him and didn't turn around.

"What're you doing here?" He asked.

"Everyone keeps asking me why I stick around, why I haven't skipped town and I don't even know the answer. Something about you just gets into my head and then suddenly you're all I'm thinking about every goddamn second of the day. I haven't seen you in over a month and all I want to do when I'm alone is be with you cause that's all I ever wanted, you're all I ever wanted. I never wanted to hurt you but that's all I've done since I've met you and that tears me apart every day because you're the purest and sweetest boy I've ever met. I screwed you over so many times but everything inside of me keep screaming at me to come back to you even though I know you'll never have me. I don't even deserve you. I know that there's a lot more to you than I know and I know you have a complicated past so I wouldn't ever ask too much of you, just that you always remember that I never wanted to be the reason you fell apart. I wanted to be the one to keep you safe from all of this, from yourself, but I failed. I never had you as mine but I still feel like I've let you down.  Just know that I'm sorry. And I don't want you to say anything cause it'll be harder for me to walk out of this room. Just know that I'm thinking of you, I'm always thinking about you. Calum, I love you"