Calum walked inside of the small building. He was clad in grey sweatpants and a white tee shirt. His hair was messy, he didn't even try running his fingers through it to tame it. His morning was slow, they have been for the past two weeks.
Ever since he cut contact with Ashton, he's felt down. He gets minimal sleep, usually lying in bed staring at the ceiling and thinking about the hazel eyed boy. He had visible bags under his eyes and his mouth seemed to be stuck in a permanent frown.
His arm was red and irritated due to nervous and angry scratching. He was more paranoid than ever, on Tuesday night he slept in his bedroom closet with a bat beside her. It wasn't the first time he did something like this when the accident first happened he would sleep in his bathtub or under the bed, just to feel a little bit safer. He knew it wasn't healthy and he knew he didn't want to go back to doing that.
"Just sign in a take a seat" April smiled. Calum couldn't bring herself to smile back, he simply signed his name and took a seat beside a middle aged women with blonde disheveled hair.
Ashton was a constant thought in Calum's head. He wondered if he was hurting as much as he was. He wondered if he cared about him as much as he thought he did. He did save him twice from Marco, that has to count for something right?
"Calum" Dr. Wren pulled the brunette out of his thoughts. He looked up and saw Dr. Wren standing by the back entrance door. Calum stood up and let Dr. Wren lead him towards her office.
The room was exactly like it was last time. The two chairs separated by a small table. The cream colored walls were just as he remembered. Calum sat down in one of the plush leather chairs and crossed one leg over the other. Dr Wren smiled at him as she opened Calum's file.
"How have you been feeling lately Calum?" Dr. Wren asked. Calum's hands started to slightly tremble.
"Like shit" Calum doesn't usually cuss when around Dr. Wren but the thoughts of Ashton and the memories of the girl leaving his apartment is putting him in a terrible mood.
"Care to tell me what's wrong sweetheart?" Dr Wren said. Calum wiggled in his chair, uncomfortable and wanting to go home.
"The world sucks. People say it gets better but once you start to feel happy the world throws something awful at you just to knock you down. Honestly I don't know why I try, all I ever do is lose" Calum couldn't stop the depressing thoughts from escaping his lips. Dr Wren nodded as she scribbled something into her file.
"You're obviously very on edge and I can tell you have quite a lot of pent up anger. Have you been doing anything to relieve yourself of this anger?" Dr Wren asked.
"Not really" Calum shrugged.
"Alright. Have you been taking your medication?" Dr Wren asks. Calum shrugs. Calum knows she should tell Dr wren, but he's been doing so good. He doesn't mean to skip out on taking the pills, he just gets distracted in his thoughts and simply forgets.
"Calum the pills are to help you. If you don't take your medication you might fall back into that pit of unhappiness and depression" the elderly women explain. Calum let out an amused chuckle. He uncrossed his legs and sat up.
"Pills or not I'm still sad. I slept in my fucking closet last night. I'm terrified and I'm sad and I never know how to deal with my fucking issues. You want to know what my problem is? I have too many issues, issues that I have no idea how to deal with. I ignore them and I keep everything inside because that's easier than actually fucking admitting that I need help. I sleep with a fucking gun in my bedside table, and you wanna know what I do with it every night? Every night I take it off of safety and I press it to my head" he pointed to his temple, tapping it a few times as he said;
"I press it right here and I put my finger on the trigger. And one night I'm going to pull the trigger. Then everyone can go on with their lives without Calum's stupid, old problems" Calum let out a huff of breath as he slumped back into the chair. The outburst was sudden and he didn't mean to snap at Dr Wren but like the elder women said, he has a lot of pent up emotion.
All he wanted was Ashton, and maybe some food, but mostly Ashton. Somewhere along the lines he's become something more than just the hazel eyed boy from Gigi's. He gives Calum some sort of stability, like an invisible anchor. Maybe that's what's stopping him from pulling the trigger.
"Maybe you should stay here for a while Calum. We'll make sure you take yo-"
"I am not staying in this depressing ass hell hole if I don't have to. I'm done" Calum stood up and walked out of the door.
-
There were holes in the walls, broken glass on the floor, chairs flipped over and thrown around the apartment. He was panting and heaving, fists clenching then relaxing then clenching again. It's been an on and off outburst that he can't control. He can't handle this, he doesn't know how. It was like she could kill him with her eyes yet help his heart beat with her gentle hands.
His throat was straineed, hoarse. Everything hurt, inside and out. He hasn't taken his pain medication in days, his head is spinning and pounding, his eyes are red and bloodshot, and worse of all his heart feels like it was sucked into a tornado then drowned in a bucket of acid. He's hurting and instead of getting sad he's getting angry.
Ashton got up from his couch, his fists clenching again. Another wave of heat and anger washed over him as he slammed his fist into the wall. It went through the dry wall, his knuckles were red and bloody but he didn't care. He wanted the brunette boy, he wanted him to come over to his apartment and hold him in his warm, gentle arms.
On either side of town two hearts were broken yet beating. Beating painfully slow, but beating nontheless.
YOU ARE READING
Affliction | cashton |
Fanfiction"I'm in a lot of pain Ashton" "I can't take away your pain" "You can stop inflicting it" "Stop giving me the power to inflict
