Affliction | cashton |

Chapter Thirty-Two: to sunset

It was a normal, slow day for Calum . He got up, showered, cut, got coffee, then made his way to the hospital to visit Ashton. Michael, Luke, and Nia had left so it was just Calum. The apartment is always so quiet, so dead and cold like it was before Ashton, now without him it's just more depressing. Calum had completely cut contact with his mother and sister, then signed himself out of therapy ignoring the protests from Dr. Wren.

It's been a year and 11 months since Ashton fell into a coma. Nia offered to take Calum to California with her but he wanted to be there in Chicago when the hazel eyed boy woke up.

So here Calum is, with a caramel cappuccino in his hand, walking into Chicago Emergency Hospital. There's a sadness in his chest that seemed to always settle in when he stepped into the elevator, as the metal box rose he held back tears, knowing he'll see Ashton but he won't know that's he is there, Calum should be used to it now, knowing his love will probably never look at him again. But how do you get used to something like that, how can you torture yourself this badly and let yourself fall apart without a second thought?

Maybe Calum wasn't thinking, maybe he was so blinded by the thought of Ashton never returning that he unknowingly let himself slip into an invisible hole of solitude and never-ending pain. Ashton was his rock. Ashton pushed him over the edge all the while holding him back from jumping, it was a weird cycle but he never wanted it to end. So he's walking the halls that are going to lead him to Ashton, in his cold and sleeping state. And Calum feels alone.

"Good afternoon Calum" Nancy, the receptionist in the waiting room greeted, looking up from her usual paperwork.

"Afternoon Nancy" Calum mustered a smile for the women, giving a small wave. He walked past all the other familiar waiting rooms, the only thing that was different was the patients. Different people in for different reasons, whether self inflicted pain or freak accidents. It was a cycle that Calum couldn't seem to shake, he stared through the small glass windows at the people who were crowed by family and friends who were thankful to know their loved ones were ok. Then he would get to Ashtons room and the only person who came to visit was him, photographs of him, Luke, Michael, and Calum surrounding his bed, a single purple lilac flower on his bedside table because Nia said Ashton liked those.

Suddenly everything stopped, his cappuccino fell to the ground, the brown liquid spilling onto the tiled hospital floor. Tears formed in his eyes, his hands began to shake as he began to question his sanity. Had all of the sadness and emptiness gone to his head to the point of hallucination? Should he call Dr. Wren and send himself back to the hospital with a big red bow on his head, let them dope him up until he didn't know who he was because that would be easier than creating a mirage of what he wanted to see?

He saw them.

The beautiful hazel eyes that he had been waiting a year and 11 months to see were staring back at him, a wide, smile making every ounce of sadness drain from his body. Ashton was sitting up on his hospital bed, his eyes open. Calum turned around so his back was facing him, his shoes slightly slushing in the liquid coffee that was melting on the hospital floor. His lungs grew tight in sync with the feeling in his chest, a tightness that blocked out oxygen and common sense.

"To sunset" Ashton finally finished their phrase, Calum felt tears pooling down his cheeks, his eyes fluttering shut as the boy's voice filled his ears, deep and raspy, making Calum feel like he was floating. He heard him, all this time he could hear him, his eyes were closed but he was never gone. Calum stayed because he knew Ashton would come back to him, and he did, he's here with his eyes open and his lips curved into a smile, so why can't Calum face that he's actually here. Why can't he turn around and wrap him arms around his neck in a tight hug because he can hug back now? It's like facing a ghost, petrified and completely frozen in place.

"He woke up late last night. We would have called but he told us not to" the doctor explained, appearing out of nowhere. Calum couldn't breath, he squeezed his eyes shut, his chest becoming impossibly tight, like someone was wrapping their fingers around his throat and squeezing with very ounce of strength they could muster. Calum used to get really bad panic attacks at school, he would almost stop breathing and his mom would have to pick him up and take him home because he wouldn't stop sobbing and gasping for air. He felt like he was back there, his lungs tight, his head feeling fuzzy, everything felt like it was spinning.

Calum didn't know what be was doing, but his feet started moving and soon enough he was sprinting down the halls. He kept his hand against the walls, keeping himself balanced as he ran with the fuzziness in his head and the shaking of his body. Before the brunette could get very far, he was collapsing on the floor and sobbing. The few people in the hallway were staring at his with empathy written on their confused faces.

He felt a presence beside him, when he looked over and saw the curly haired boy he quickly looked away and placed his hands over his face, putting his face in his lap with his hands still covering it. Calum could feel his body beside his own, the warmth he's been dying to feel radiating onto his skin through his baggy sweater.

"This is my favorite" a whimper left his lips as his voice filled his ears, sounding silky yet rough. Calum cautiously glanced up, not looking at his face but at the rectangular picture in his hand. It was a photograph of Calum, Luke, Michael, and Nia in front of a restaurant where they celebrated Nia getting into film school. Michael was on the left with Luke close to his right side, Calum beside Luke and Nia on the far right beside Calum. Calum was smiling in the photo, his eyes wide open.

"But I know your smile isn't genuine" Ashton said. He pointed to Calum's face in the photo

a smile subconsciously creeping onto his lips.

"You know how I know?" Ashton asked. Calum was desperately holding back sobs, making his throat ach.

"How?" He asked.

"Because when you genuinely smile, you get a little dimple on your right cheek. Like when we went to Nikko's and I called you my boyfriend, you smiled and your little dimple came out and I just couldn't be happier" Calum's breath hitched as Ashton placed a hand on his back, rubbing it up and down the expanse of his back.

"Show me that genuine smile so we can start our sunset together"