Affliction | cashton |

Chapter Thirty: Breaking

One month.

It was like walking around like a dead person, his heart is beating but it's also dead. He's falling apart and he's letting everyone know it. He cries himself to sleep, not even trying to muffle his screams. He's not as shy with his sadness as he used to be. He broke down in sobs at the store and Michael had carry him all the way back to his apartment. His room is trashed from all the times he had an anger outburst and decided it would be best to take it out on the objects in his room. Luke had to stop him from throwing his laptop out of the window because his movie wouldn't load. Everyone was watching him fall apart and they didn't know what to do about it.

The worst part about it all, is the week after they found out that Ashton has a 50 perfect chance of dying, Michael found a bloody razor in the sink and blood splatters on the counter. At first he thought it could have been Luke, but when he checked Luke all of his scars were fading. When Calum walked out of his room with a short sleeved shirt on, his fresh cuts were exposed to clear up Michaels suspicion. Today was no different than any other. There were three new cuts that he had made this morning, only this time he took the time to wrap it.

It looked like he was back at the start, bleeding, aching cuts on his wrist, an oversized sweater clinging to his upper body, a broken heart barely beating in his chest.

Calum walked into the building of the small hospital, the smell of vanilla making him want to throw up. He silently signed himself in and waited impatiently for Dr Wren. When the old women came out Calum stood up but hesitated. He stared at the women, then looked towards the door.

"Calum" Dr Wren called. He didn't want to go in. He didn't want to talk about his issues because he knows Dr Wren will point out the bags under his eyes, the bandages sticking out of the sleeves of his sweater, the distance in his voice that he heard Michael and Luke talking about.

"I'm sorry" he mumbled as he walked out of the small building. His heart was still beating at an aganozingly slow pace, his head was spinning and his throat ached. Once he was a block away from the hospital, he hovered her head over a community trash can and let the bile come up his throat.

Calum was falling apart.

-

Calum walked for about an hour before he was in front of Ashton's hospital room. He walked inside and sat in a chair beside Ashton's bed, grabbing his hand and kissing the back of it.

"I know you wouldn't want me to hurt myself, but you're in pain and I'm sitting here feeling so helpless. Nia said she talked to the doctors and they said you could either crash or magically heal at any moment, but I can't help but think the worse. Then when I think of going on without you it hurts so bad and I cut to control the pain because I can, because it's the one thing I can control. I can't control your pain and that hurts so bad. Baby if you leave me I won't be able to go on without you. When you lose someone you're just supposed to carry on and let go somehow and people say that's what the one you lost would want you to do, that they would want you to be happy. How am I supposed to be happy without you? After everything I can't just be ok with losing you. I will physically not be able to just continue living knowing you're not right there with me. I love you too much to give up on you Ashton, and I won't, I will never stop waiting for you. I want to move on with you. We got our sunrise Ashton, you just have to wake up for the sunset"