They Can't Tell Us Anything |C. Kreider|

Chapter 27

Chris's POV

I can't believe it. 

I can't believe I let the best thing that's ever happened to me walk out. 

I could've stopped her. 

I would've.

I should've.

But I didn't.

I don't know why I didn't.

I watched her walk out and never look back once. 

I see that she tweeted a few things, like a few pictures with Brendan Gallagher and Alex Galchenyuk, one of her with a guy and she had a plastic cap on her head and one of her freshly dyed hair.

I love her so much, what was going through my mind when I let her walk out?

I wasn't expecting her to actually leave.

I know I sound very vain but it's honestly true. I didn't think that she would leave. I know she wants to try to make things right but I must be so, very, painfully wrong. She must have changed while I was with Grace, before I realized that she was what I always needed.

I haven't ate, I haven't slept, I haven't been feeling anything at all. 

I've been numb.

I can't stand myself. I can't stand how I messed up so horribly and yet, I didn't stop myself.

I hear a knock at the door and I slowly get up to answer it.

"Kevin?" I ask, unsure if I'm seeing things.

"Chris, I'm honestly so sorry. You could do whatever you want to me, I deserve it." He tells me, defeated.

Something breaks inside me and I realize that I need my best friend more than ever right now.

I just walk to him and, as awkward as it sounds, we hug it out.

I don't cry like I felt I was going to but I definitely felt better and realized what I needed to do.

I needed to let her go.

If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was. 

I need to place my trust into the universe and let it decide what's going to happen. 

It is definitely as scary as it sounds and I don't know if I'll be able to do it but I need to, otherwise I won't ever come out of this slump. I won't be myself again.

But I'm not myself without her. 

"What am I gonna do?" I ask Kevin, flopping back onto the couch.

"You need to let her go, as difficult as it is. If she comes back, you're golden but if she doesn't then, it wasn't supposed to have lasted this long." Kevin tells me, bluntly, while sitting on the floor. I never understood why the kid preferred the floor to a freaking recliner or a small sofa or a chair. 

"Wow, thanks for sugarcoating it man, I appreciate it." I tell him sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

"I can't go after her, can I?" I ask him, already knowing the answer.

"Nope. At least a wait a few days, maybe a week. If you still feel this crappy, then yeah definitely go after her. But if not," He trailed off at the end. He's right. There's really only this keeping me holding onto nothing. 

If he hadn't told me that I needed to let her go, and basically said it straight up and not sugarcoat it, I would probably never feel like I had a chance at actually being able to let her go.

That made zero sense.

I mean, if he never gave me that second opinion, I probably would have never allowed myself to let her go.

I don't know if I can do it.

"I never deserved her, you know that right? She could've done so much better than me and yet she chose to stick around. I don't know why, I'm an asshole. If I were her, I would've never stuck around." I say, more to the air than to Kevin.

"I know. I bet it's killing her to know that. It must be killing her to know that there was absolutely nothing she could have done to save your relationship. She knew she couldn't make it any better so she left. She had to get away from it before something got worse. Now, I know I don't know her as well as you do, but she's always been there for you and something broke inside her when she came straight to me after what you did. I know that I have no authority to be telling you this but I knew she was going to leave. She more than likely isn't going to call. She had to get out and I recognized it but I didn't stop her because it would've hurt more. It would've hurt more to see that she isn't happy here or feels out of place here than to see her go away for a bit, gather herself and be happy. I can't exactly say that she'll come back. I don't know that much and frankly, I don't think she does either. She's trying to get herself back together. Autumn is a smart girl and she knows what she wants and you know as well as I do, that she will do whatever she's gotta do so she gets it. She'll know what is best for her. You gotta take care of yourself. Okay?" Kevin tells me, sitting on the coffee table in front of me and putting a hand on my shoulder.

"I trust you and I also trust her but I know in the back of my mind, I might have fucked up everything. And I do mean everything. I want her to be happy, wherever she is, in whatever she's doing. I need to say goodbye." I breathe out.

A/N Hey guys! I'm thinking of winding this book down in a few chapters, let me know in the comments whether you'd want a sequel to this. I have an idea for the next few chapters and I think you'll like it. Anyway, let me know! I hope you enjoyed the chapter and please leave your feedback down below in the form of votes or comments or both and I'll see you next time! Byeeeee