Attention What If

Chapter 62

POV: Skylar

"Can we talk?" I ask Kenzie after Darleen leaves to grab us a bite to eat.

"Sure," she comes and sits next to me on the couch.

I take a deep breath before meeting her soft blue eyes.

"Darleen and I talked and... she wants me to be a part of this relationship. I would be lying if I said I also didn't want that on some level. But... this isn't my relationship, it's yours. I don't want to let Darleen decide this. It's up to you Kenzie. You get to decide what happens. I don't want to ruin what you two have. So, if you want me to stay out of it, just tell me. It won't hurt my feelings. I'll understand." I assure her.

I sighs and sinks into the couch, scrunching her brows as she pouts.

"Whatever you need, whatever you want, I'll do it." I assure her.

"This is complicated," she finally says softly.

I nod, waiting for her to continue.

She turns her full body and looks at me, hard, serious.

I just stay still, waiting for her to continue.

"I want to be honest with you." She says to me. "But to be honest I don't even know what I want myself. So, I am not sure I can articulate that to you when I can't even do so with myself."

"Okay." I say softly. "Just try. Start with how the idea makes you feel. Even if you don't know where those emotions come from yet, just saying them out loud can help me get an idea of where you are with this."

"I'm scared, mostly." She looks down. "And angry, and happy, and confused. I don't know what this means, what it could mean. I finally have a relationship I feel comfortable in, happy in, someone I want to keep around for as long as I can. Darleen's... she's great. Too great sometimes. I think... I think I'm in love with her." she says.

I feel a sharp pain in my chest.

I was afraid she was going to say that.

I swallow hard and look down, trying not to let my emotions show on my face.

"Okay," I say softly.

"Okay." Kenzie echoes.

"I'll stay away," I conclude before getting up.

"No, Skylar wait," she grabs my gauze wrapped hand.

I can't turn to face her, afraid she'll see the tears running down my face.

"I don't want you to go," she says softly.

"I don't want to ruin something that makes you happy," I say softly, trying not to let my voice crack.

"You make me happy too," she says.

"You don't need me Kenzie, you never have."

"I know, but I want you. I always have. Even before Jade."

"You say that but I know if I do this, if I try this, some part of you will grow to resent me. You are angry and I know that anger comes from how I ended things with Darleen, how Darleen still hasn't moved on from me. Even if you can't admit that to yourself yet. I don't want you to hate me. You are one of my best friends. I love you Kenz."

"You say that, but those words mean something different to me!" She shouts. "You can't say I love you so casually. Not to me. You want to know why I'm angry? I'm angry because you are so frustrating! You can't let yourself be happy! Let me make you happy!"

I turn to her, sniffling.

"I'm happy you are talking to us again and yeah, I'm confused on how I feel about you and Darleen together. But one thing I've never been confused about is how I feel towards you. Sitting by and watching you fall for the wrong girl, killed me. It's why I pulled away from you. I couldn't..." she shakes her head tears running down her face.

"Don't cry for me," I wipe her tears.

"If you asked me to pick right now, you or Darleen..." she meets my eyes. "If It had to be one or the other. I wouldn't pick her, I'd pick you." She says.

My heart flutters.

"I know I could make you happy if you gave me a chance." She sobs.

"It doesn't have to be one or the other." I point out.

"It doesn't." she confirms. "But if we are going to do this, I want you do this for me to, not just for Darleen."

"I don't know Kenzie, I don't know if I could do that to Jade." I admit softly.

She grabs both my hands in hers and meets my eyes.

"If Jade wasn't part of the equation, would you change your mind?" she asks.

"But she is—"

"If she wasn't, would that change your mind?"

I take a deep breath and meet her gaze, looking hard into her eyes before nodding.

"I want a chance at this, if this is as close I can get, then I want this." She says seriously.

I sigh and rest my forehead against hers.

"I can talk to Jade, explain everything." She assures me.

"She'd never agree." I say.

"She will. I promise."

"Why have you never given up on me?" I ask her seriously.

"Because... you never gave up on me. You were there when I needed you, even if I didn't want you there. I saw how loving and devoted you were to Jade, I want that, I want that so bad Skylar. I've always dreamed of a relationship like that."

I brush her soft brown hair behind her ears.

"Please give me a chance." She begs.

I lean in slowly and kiss her softly on the lips.

She kisses me back just as softly.

We pull apart after one kiss.

I look into her eyes and she looks into mine. I lean in and kiss her again, harder, like I mean it. Like I would kiss Jade or Darleen. She wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me back just as passionately, not missing a single beat.

My heart flutters.

God, she's a really good kisser.

I push her down on the couch and sit on her lap, straddling her. She moans softly into my mouth. She tugs at my t-shirt, which I quickly throw off, leaving me in my sports bra once more. I tug at her shirt and she slips out of it before showing me her neck as if I were a vampire and she were my prey.

I kiss her neck softly.

"Harder," she begs.

I suck the skin in my mouth.

"More," she moans.

I bite her.

She moans loudly, letting me know that's what she wants.

I gently nibble her neck running my gauze covered hands up her stomach. She grabs my hands in her, pushing them up to her chest. I try to wrap my swollen and cut up hands around her breast but hiss in pain and jerk back as I once again open the cuts.

"Sorry," I say sadly.

She sighs and grabs my hands in her own.

"Sorry, I ruined it, sorry." I shake my head.

She giggles softly.

I blush and look at her face helplessly.

"It's okay," she assures me. "No need to rush anything."

"So... it's official then? The three of us?" I ask.

"Well I said yes, Darleen said yes, what do you say?"

I nod.

"Say it, out loud. Say what you want." She says.

"I want to be a part of this relationship; I want to try this." I say softly.

"Then I'd say, it's official then," she smiles.

I smile too, my insides feeling all tingly and bubbly.